Monday, August 09, 2004

The taxman cometh

I went to a wrestling event this weekend.
It was pretty good.
I was glad to see Ric Flair.

Still, it was kind of sad to see him LOSE to Eugene in a half empty arena in Trenton NJ.

It was kind of like seeing the Queen of England be forced eat dog food... uh... in a half empty arena in Trenton NJ.

The event was great, but there was something missing.

NONE OF THE WRESTLERS TODAY HAVE JOBS!

See, in the late 1980s to mid 1990s most wrestlers had a job.
Like Irwin R. Shyster.

Irwin was an IRS agent, and a mean one at that. Irwin would audit people ALL the time. For no reason. If Irwin was on your case, expect to be buried with paperwork!

But, a simple 9-5 job was not enough for Irwin.

After a long day of tax collecting Irwin would wrestle. He wrestled on the weekends too! Man, I wish I had that energy.

Irwin R. Shyster liked his job so much that he changed his initials to I. R. S.

Or maybe that was his real name, and he was predestined from birth to be a tax collector.

Actually, Irwin was longtime wrestler Mike Rotundo. Throughout his career, Mike had MANY names including:
V.K. Wallstreet
Mike Wallstreet
Captain Mike
and for reasons I don't understand: Mike Rotunda

However, it was as I.R.S. that he was at his silliest. He brought a briefcase into the ring, and wrestled in a red suspenders and a tie.

He had a job.

Today, wrestlers with a job are rare. Sure, The Undertaker is technically an undertaker. But, when was the last time he had to comfort grieving widows? Has he ever talked someone into purchasing a more expensive casket for their loved one? Is he listed in the yellow pages under 'funeral services'? Does he ever get spam emails saying 'we can help you keep your customers happy' and then he replies back 'my customers aren't happy! They are dead!'

No, I bet he doesn't.

There were plenty of other great wrestlers with jobs in the past. Big Bossman was a prison guard, The Goon was a hockey player, and Repo Man repossessed cars.

And there was Thurman "Sparky" Plugg.

Thurman was a race car driver. He was portrayed by Bob Howard (best known as Bob Holly.)


Thurman "Sparky" Plugg was considered to be the dumbest name EVER (this was before Sean Puffy Puff Daddy P-Diddy Combs) and the gimmick was just as dumb.

See Sparky was a race car driver who just happened to have the last name Plugg. Conviently, his nickname was "Sparky."

Next time you see a phone book, turn it to 'p' and see if ANYONE has the last name Plugg. I bet there are NONE. Couple this with the odds of that person becoming a race car driver AND a wrestler and the odds of probability are ASTRONOMICAL. You would have a better chance enjoying I-Robot.

11 comments:

  1. I think a great job for a Wrestler would be as a Hillary Duff fan. The Wrestler could go see all her movies, buy her CDs, have posters of her in a room. Wait--why should a Wrestler only have that job? I think that would be a good job for anyone.

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  2. You know what would have been AWESOME? If Evel Knievel jumped over the half-empty arena in Trenton. If he did that, than the arena would be packed and it would be SSWWWEEEEEETTTTTTT!!

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  3. Good stuff! I don't watch wrestling, but I hated I-Robot so I liked it a lot!

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  4. I always thought Rowdy Pipper had the best job of all wrestlers. Pompus jerk during the day, wrestler at night. Great gig!!

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  5. Yo! I was there Saturday night! Great card!

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  6. I was watching I-Robot saturday. I wish I had been getting audited instead!
    Worst film since 2 Fast 2 Furious.

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  7. Anonymous8/09/2004

    I can't belive Ric Flair is still around! He must be 60 by now! He looked old in the 1980s!

    Ted-

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  8. Don't forget T.L. Hopper, the wrestling plumber!
    Also, comic books are sometimes cursed with the same ridiculous coincidences as far as names go; stupid things like a guy named Henry Owlsley becoming Owl-Man, or Joe Stilt becoming Stilt-Man.

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  9. Anonymous8/10/2004

    Thurman "Sparky" Plugg UPDATE:

    Thurm is currently the head dishwasher at Harry's Bar and Grill in Portisville, Indiana. He often wears his racing outfit; the customer's think he's nuts. Oh well

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  10. Sadly most wrestlers can not work two jobs anymore due to the ridiculous amount of hours that they have to spend wrestling. According to my records, there is no less than 172 hours of wrestling programming on the air each week. Those kind of numbers make it almost impossible to hold a second job, or let alone sleep!

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  11. Anonymous5/01/2006

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    Come and check it out if you get time :-)

    See Ya There!!!

    ReplyDelete