Monday, August 02, 2004

I'd buy that for a dollar

Robocop. Part man, part robot, all cop. This movie was part sci-fi, part action, all movie. Ahhh, I should have quit after the first one.

Robocop was about as violent a blockbuster as you will ever see. People get hit by cars, robots shoot people. IT IS AWESOME.

My favorite part, however, is the 'I'll buy that for a dollar' guy.

If you don't remember, he was a guy who keeps popping up and saying 'I'll buy that for a dollar.'
I am not sure WHY I found this so funny. Maybe it is, simply, that I WILL BUY ANYTHING FOR A DOLLAR.

I am sure every town has one. It is a fantastic place.
Did you see that Michael Jackson documentary where he goes into a store and just spends MILLIONS of dollars on tacky furniture? That is why we like dollar stores! It makes us feel like Michael Jackson without having to go to jail.

When I walk into the dollar store, this is how I shop:

Me: I need some batteries, oh look! These have German writing on the package! I'll take two.
Cashier: Sure.
Me: Wow, look a lighter with Spongebob on it! Is this authorized?
Cashier: I don't know, but they don't work very good.
Me: They don't? Too bad. Well, I will take some. Oh, video tapes! I want this biography of Jimmy Carter and the Grandma Aerobics. Actually, let me get an extra one for my grandma. Where is the cologne?
Cashier: On the back wall.
Me: Mmmm. This smells sorta like CK One. Do people still wear CK One?
Cashier: Uh, sure.
Me: Then I will take 5.
Cashier: OK, that's $8
Me: Here's $10. Keep the change.
Cashier: Sir, this isn't money. This is just a piece of green construction paper with the words "this is ten dollars" written on it!

Yes, dollar stores are thriving. There seem to be new dollar stores popping up on every corner.

The Dollar Theater, however, is DYING.

In Bucks County PA (not TOO far from Philadelphia PA, but far enough that you don't have to deal with sweaty tourists looking for a greasy cheese steak and the famous broken bell) there is the Pennsbury Dollar Movie Theater.
This theater shows films for a dollar!

What a difference that makes!

Whenever you see a bad movie at a regular theater, the first thought is that it "wasn't worth the admission price."
Well, admission prices are HIGH. With movie tickets going as high as $8, $9 even $10000 dollars in some areas.

Sorry about that the zero was stuck on my keyboard.

Anyway, this particular theater is an enigma. Built in 1974, the Dollar Movie, has hosted many of the great films of the past 30 years FOR JUST A DOLLAR. If you had a dollar for every Police Academy film they played over the past 30 years, you'd have enough dollars to see every Lindsay Lohan film they showed this summer. But that would not be enough to save the theater.

The Pennsbury Dollar Movie Theater is CLOSING.

Yes, August 29th will be the last showing. To find out what film they will be showing, just see what film comes in #8 at the box office two weeks earlier.

It's easy to see WHY the dollar movie is closing. On most nights the theater runs close to empty. The two movie houses have become a bit run down. Each seat contains the BO of 30 years of theater goers. Nonetheless, it will be sad to see it go.

At least I can still do Grandma Aerobics.


  1. The dollar store is a sham. It's actually a 1.06 store. Don't believe the hype!! If you pay 8 items, your total is actually 8.48. But people won't pay $1.06 for a biography of Jimmy C arter, so they tack it on at the last minute. BOYCOTT THE DOLLAR STORE!!!!!!

  2. Gene Hackman is so cool that items at the dollar store buy him.

  3. You know what would be AWESOME?? If right before the dollar theater closed down, they had a double feature and showed the George Hamilton as Evel Knievel movie and that the George Eads as Evel Knievel movie as a double feature. And then, Evel Knievel jumped over the theater. Oh man, that would SWWWWWWWEEEEEEEETTTTT!!!!!!

  4. When I rummage through Hillary Duff's trash, I often find many items she purchased at the dollar store.

  5. Duff, she does not shop at the dollar store! She shops in Beverly Hills at the $50 store. Same junk, higher price.

  6. This is just a piece of green construction paper with the words "this is ten dollars" written on it!


  7. That BO stuff was SOOOO gross! I am glad they are closing!

  8. I used to love Dollar theaters! BRING THEM BACK!!!