Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Revealing the ending of The Village

Here we go again. M. Night Shamarockshake has created another movie. Like his previous films the only thing anyone cares about is the ending. How will he surprise us?

His first film was called Praying With Anger it was released in 1992.

Really, that was his first film.

Praying With Anger is about an 'alienated, Americanized teenager of East Indian heritage is sent back to India where he discovers not only his roots but a lot about himself.'

That's all I know. I assume there is no twist ending, but it is possible. Perhaps what he finds out about himself is that he is actually not Indian he is Bangladeshian, and he is not a teenager he is 20, and he is not a man he is a cyborg... a vampire cyborg. That would be cool.

In 1998 he made Wide Awake.

The plot for Wide Awake is 'A fifth grader goes on a search for God after his grandfather dies. Along the way he gets into tons of trouble at Waldron Academy an all boys school. Also he is aided on his search by a sports loving nun.'

By the way the nun is Rosie O'Donnell.

Let me repeat that:


That is a surprise twist if I ever heard one!

Now in 1999 he made The Sixth Sense in it Bruce Willis babysits for the ALWAYS CREEPY Haley Joel Osment. In the end the biggest surprise was that Haley was considered to be a 'leading man.'
Let us delve into his post Sixth Sense career:

Secondhand Lions: This, his most recent film played in theaters one year ago. Haley had turned the corner from Creepy Kid Lane to Awkward Kid Street. I used to visit that town, they had a good comic book store.

Jungle Book 2: A fine job reading lines in this enjoyable sequel.

Country Bears: Not such a good job (in an otherwise AWESOME film) reading lines here. Most of his lines are delivered in an odd fashion as if he was adding a question mark to the end of every sentence.

Hunchback of Notre Dame II: Yes, Disney loves the sequel. He does decent voice work here, but the movie is mediocre.

Artificial Intelligence: Steven Spielberg in this dopey mish-mash of every sci-fi and fantasy film ever made. Haley is good simply because he ALWAYS READS HIS LINES LIKE A ROBOT.

Pay It Forward: I never saw this, opting to see the other Hallie: Hallie Kate Eisenberg in Beautiful. I stand by my decision.

M. Night (remember, we were talking about HIM) then made a film called Unbreakable this was a great film, but audiences seemed disappointed that the TWIST ENDING was not bigger.

Signs was next, a solid film with a (surprise) TWIST ENDING. This time, even at the end the twist was so cryptic that no one could have guessed it. It also doesn't make THAT much sense.

This brings us to The Village, and now I reveal the SURPRISE ENDING.

While out on an adventure in the woods Joaquin Phoenix finds a shiny piece of metal in the dirt. He digs and digs around it to discover that it is the HEAD OF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. Then he and Tyler Durden travel to Oz to find out that Keyser Söze is just a man behind a curtain: a Bangladeshian vampire cyborg man behind the curtain!


  1. That kid in the 6th Sense is soooooo annoying!

  2. Gene Hackman is so cool that he surprises endings!!

  3. Very funny, Guy! I loved the ending, can't wait to see the film, now!

  4. You know what would have been AWESOME?? If "the surprise" at the end of M. Night Sham-al-ana-ding-dong film was Evel Knievel and Haley Joel Osmat jumping over something. For example, in "Wide Awake" they could jump over Rosie O'Donnell. In the 6th Sense, they could jump over the Liberty Bell. In Signs, they could jump over Mel Gibson's farm. Oh man, that would be SSWWWWWWEEEEEETTTTTTTT!!

  5. I really hope the creepy kid from the M. Night Shamonyou films doesn't marry Hillary Duff. She can do better.

  6. Hey I saw the "Village" over the weekend and saw a much different film. The film I saw was about is about a small community of people who come together at a time of great need. They meet late at night at the corner of Christopher and Greenwich Streets. They soon find themselves in dark, crowded places where the music pulsates in lustful, forbidden rhythm and the air is thick with the smell of heaving, chiseled bodies grinding against each other.

    Perhahps there are two movies called "The Village"?

  7. Sweetie's post contains SPOILERS!

  8. This was so funny! Who is Tyler Durden? Was that FIght Club?

  9. No, I am pretty sure Tyler Durden was Vice President under Truman.

  10. The FIRST rule of Fight Club is you Do not talk about Fight Club...

  11. Anonymous8/12/2004

    Greetings from the UK, BOJ! We haven't gotten The Village here, yet. I hope Sweetie is telling the truth because his ending is mad!


  12. Haven't seen The Village yet...but I bet it is not as good as your version. There is a limit to how SURPRISING an ending can be and you know there is a surprise, is it really a surprise?