Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Sid

There have been many pro wrestlers that were better wrestlers than Sid. There were a few that were taller than Sid. But, not including Hulk Hogan's performance in Mr. Nanny, nothing about wrestling makes me laugh more than Sid.

Sid was born Sid Eudy in Arkansas back in 1960. At some point in his life he decided to join the ranks of Pro Wrestling. After all, he was 6 foot 9 and 320.

And, he was dumb as a bottle of strawberry syrup.

Sid started wrestling in 1987 after running into Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Can you imagine what that conversation sounded like?

MACHO: Oh yeah!
SID: I am really tall.
MACHO: Dig it! This is Macho Madness talking to you right now.
SID: Really, really tall.
MACHO: Snap into a Slim Jim. Spicy beef snacks! Get down!
SID: I could really go for some milk, with strawberry syrup.
MACHO: Macho man says dig it! Ohhhhhhhh yeah!

Yeah, I bet it was something like that.

Sid started wrestling under the name Lord Humongous a name it is assumed that he could not spell. It's also interesting to note that he was the THIRD guy to play Lord Humongous. The character was actually ripped off from the film Mad Max II and the name "Lord Humongous translated into Spanish and then back into English means "fat deity" or "Buddha."

Sid also wore a mask which was a good thing since he kind of looks like a hulked up William Katt.
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Soon, however, he dropped that mask and the whole Lord Humongous gimmick and decided to become Sid Vicious.

Like this guy:

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Not the most intimidating celebrity to emulate, but remember, there was already a wrestler with the name Sting.

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Sid Vicious was a staple in WCW for many years until he moved to the WWF. I guess Vince McMahon was not interested in having a giant redneck sharing the name of a skinny, British punk who killed his girlfriend. So he became Sid Justice.

Sid Justice had one of the most bizarre matches in Wrestlemania history. At Wrestlemania 8 he faced Hulk Hogan. After a long battle, Hogan hit him with the leg drop, a move that meant certain doom at the time.
Sid kicked out of the leg drop and then his manager, Harvey Wippleman, jumped up onto the ring apron.

Let us take a moment to ponder the name Harvey Wippleman.

At some point a man named David Lauer showed up for a job with the WWF somehow a discussion took place ending with the decision:

Harvey Wippleman is a good name for a pro wrestling manager. Harvey Wippleman translated into Spanish and then back to English is still really freaking stupid.

Anyway, Sid kicks out of the pin fall, Harvey jumped onto the apron. Thirty seconds later a wrestler named Papa Shango (a guy with a voodoo gimmick) ran down to the ring. Thirty seconds after that the Ultimate Warrior came down and chased Shango away. Even the announcers seemed puzzled by the awkwardly staged series of events.

Urban legends abound as to was supposed to happen, but it does seem clear that something went wrong.

Sid soon left the company for a variety of reasons. For starters, he was not the most skilled wrestler and apparently failed a few drug tests.

And he liked softball.

That usually wouldn't be a problem, but Sid really liked softball.

In fact, he often would skip televised events to play softball. He would pretend to be injured, call in sick and 30,000 people who paid to see him would see someone else.

And Sid would play softball.

Sid went back to the name Sid Vicious in the WCW. His wrestling there was not any better, but he was very interesting OUTSIDE the ring.

Once he stabbed fellow wrestler Arn Anderson 20 times with a pair of scissors. Another time he fought with wrestler Brian Pillman in a bar and threatened to hit him with a squeegee.

I'm not making that up.

Sid later came back to the WWF under the name Sycho Sid. Then he went to ECW, then back to WCW and then over to WWF again. At this point they just called him "Sid."

His career in the big leagues was highlighted by sloppy wrestling and sloppy speeches. He also held the WWF and WCW titles 2 times each.

He wrestled his last big match in 2001 for WCW. In the match he jumped off the second rope and broke his leg.

Really bad.

It was a double compound fracture and it was pretty ugly. Basically, it looked like his foot was connected to his knee by a big piece of rubber. It just wobbled around. The match finished as quickly as possible and the leg took a long, long time to heal.

In 2004 Sid returned to the ring, but in the small time wrestling federation Syndicate Wrestling.

He's still as dumb as a bottle of strawberry syrup.

13 comments:

  1. For added fun, try reading this WHOLE article in Randy Savage's voice.

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  2. Also, take note that the Punk Sid's photo is actually the cover of a book written by a man with the last name "butt." If the whole "strawberry syrup" thing doesn't make you smile, that really should.

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  3. I thank god everyday that Sid is on this planet so that I can laugh at his exploits.

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  4. I am ashamed to admit that I have never heard of either Sid Vicious.

    I have heard of strawberry syrup.

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  5. Sid's Boot2/28/2006

    You forgot to mention that Sid has half the brain of Kevin Nash. The question I ask is can you half zero?

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  6. I bet that Malcom guy was the butt of many a joke. Kinda like that one only funnier.

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  7. He was a Horsemen at one time. Then again that was the same Four Horsemen line-up that ran away from Robo-cop.

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  8. Sid was easily the worst wrestler of all-time to hold the WWF title (not WCW, as David Arquette holds that distinction). By the way, Sweetie, have you ever heard the Urban Legend that Sid once crapped in his trunks during a match against the Undertaker?

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  9. Yeah, I have. The Undertaker apparently mentioned this in an interview on a show called OTR.

    I just felt that no one else needed to have that visual image in their head so I didn't mention it.

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  10. Worst WWF champ? I think he might be in a tie with Brock Lesnar.

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  11. I respectfully disagree. Just because he was a giant ass doesn't make him a bad wrestler. Brock could deliver on a much higher level than Sid. No contest.

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  12. Well, Brock was clumsy and knocked himself out at WM 20.

    Sid was mostly before I started watching wrestling, so I will take your word for it.

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  13. Strutter is right. Brock sucked, but not on such a supreme and lasting level. Nor did he suck for as long. If there was sucking to be done, Sid was the go to guy for about a decade.

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