Monday, November 01, 2004

John Kerry: Son of a Girl Scout Leader

John F. Kerry was born on December 11, 1943 at Fitzsimons Army Hospital in Colorado. His father, Richard, volunteered in the Army Air Corps and flew DC-3's, B-29's, A-21's, F-13's - Ooooh! I got BINGO!!!!

John's mother, Rosemary, was a Girl Scout leader for 50 years, and one of her proudest possessions was her 50 year Girl Scout pin. Oddly enough the pin read "World's Greatest Poker Player" and did not actually feature the Girl Scout logo or insignia. It is also of interest that she found the pin on a transit bus.

As he was graduating from Yale, John Kerry volunteered to serve in Vietnam, because, as he later said, "I they said Vienna." He believed that “Vienna sausages are big and juicy, or maybe I am thinking about Italian sausages. Hold on, is Vienna in Italy?” John Kerry served two tours of duty. His leadership, courage, and sacrifice earned him a Silver Star, a Bronze Star with Combat V, and three Purple Hearts.

But John Kerry's wartime experience taught him a painful lesson that he could not forget, even after he returned home. It really hurts when you poke yourself the chest with your Bronze Star.

After returning home became a Vietnam Veteran Against the War (VVAW). In April 1971 John testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and posed the powerful question, "Which one of you used to sing with Cher?"

John Kerry was elected Lieutenant Governor in 1982. He was elected to the United States Senate two years later. He is now serving his fourth term, but is often taunted by the fear that he will never achieve the goal his mother wanted for him: to become a Girl Scout.

He is married to Teresa Heinz Kerry, and they have a blended family that includes two daughters, three sons, one grandchild, and a German Shepherd named Cym. Cym is too cool for vowels, he often barks "don't give me that sometimes 'y' nonsense. They
is all consonants."

Some facts about John Kerry:

His first car was a 1962 Volkswagen bug

No Surrender by Bruce Springsteen is his favorite song

He has a net worth of $600 million

His favorite food is chocolate chip cookies

Some facts I just made up about John Kerry:

Is rarely photographed without his trademark 'hat made out of dead chipmunks'

Once called Tip O'Neil 'Ron O'Neal' afterwards he and Tip wrestled until the cops arrived

Was the first Democratic Presidential candidate to call his opponent a 'Sucker M.C.'

Chocolate chip cookies is his slang for delicate chocolate truffles from Micca's in Paris


  1. Anonymous11/01/2004

    Funny stuff. I can't wait to see if Sucker MC is voting for Kerry, after his name was invoked.

  2. Ha! That's funny! But who's John Kerry?