Monday, November 08, 2004

Daredevil and his dinosaur

I found this toy on the shelf at the local Dollar General. I absolutely LOVE these dollar store toys. Let us take a good look at him.
On the top of the package we get a photo of Spider-man taken from the poster of the Sony Pictures film, based on the Marvel comic book. To the right of the package is a photo of Antonio Banderas as Zorro. This is from the Columbia/Tri-Star Studios release of Mask of Zorro. I am not sure, but he appears to be standing in front of the U.S. Capitol building.
In the center is the logo from Batman Forever with the word "Regalia" superimposed on it.
The action figure is the Marvel comic icon Daredevil and he comes with a dinosaur accessory.
The dinosaur does not contain a Jurassic Park logo, but let's be honest. When people think 'dinosaur' they think of two things: Jurassic Park and Ted Kennedy.
So judging by the sheer number of copyrighted images blended together, this is either a case of amazing corporate cooperation, or some copyright violations slapped on a piece of junk from China.

Interesting that the word "Regalia" seems to be the name of the company that released this figure. Regalia means 'royal estates and revenues.' Yup, Regalia loosely means 'royalties' WHICH REGALIA OBVIOUSLY ISN'T PAYING!!!!

So, here is the dollar store Daredevil figure. The first thing you may notice is that Daredevil has a large set of red propeller blades protruding from his neck.
I must admit I have not read much of the comic, but I am SURE Ben Affleck never sprouted 'neck propellers' in the movie.

The next thing you are likely to notice about Daredevil is the thing protruding from his groin.

I don't know how else to put this... DAREDEVIL has a weenie!

Yikes! Before we go any further, I ask this question: HOW DID THIS GET PAST THE ASSEMBLY LINE???? I know it was made in China, but they should be just as concerned about making children's toys with WEENIES!!!

I can imagine what the development session went like:

MAN #1: We have the mold ready for Regalia's latest figure: Daredevil.
MAN #2: It looks O.K., but it needs something.
MAN #3: Add some propellers around his neck.
MAN #1: WHAT?? Propellers around the neck? Why don't we just give him a weenie, too, and call it a day.
MAN #2: Sounds good to me. Add a weenie and propellers. Now, let’s all go to my place and watch 'The Littlest Groom.'
MAN #1: I'll bring some toast and Nutella.
MAN #2: I wasn't inviting you.
MAN #1: Oh. Sorry.

Here are the instructional diagrams off the package (from bottom to top):

Step 1: Daredevil mounts his dinosaur sticking his weenie into a corresponding hole in the back of the dinosaur. I think I am going to be sick.

Step 2: Pull the cord in the back of the dinosaur.

Step 3: Daredevil flies upward.

Step 4: Daredevil flies upward.

You may think that step 4 is redundant, but it is not. I tried this and JEEZ, THIS SUCKER FLYS! It shot off the dinosaur so fast and with such force that it put a dent in the ceiling the size of my big toe. Wow.

This may very well be the most dangerous toy I have ever seen. Not to mention that the toy is full of sharp edges and parts that break off easily. As a matter of fact on Daredevil's second voyage, he hit a tree and his arm fell off.

At least his weenie stayed on.


  1. Anonymous11/09/2004

    That is the greatest toy I have ever seen!

  2. Cool. Does Regalia make any sexist candy bars?

  3. Anonymous11/10/2004

    Guy Who Looks Like Ben Affleck said:
    I am glad someone finally explained this to me. Every single time I try to get on an airplane security stops me and tells me that the propellers around my neck are going to set off the metal detecors. Then I tell them I don't have any propellers.
    Then they say "aren't you Ben Affleck" and I have to say "No, I just look like Ben Affleck, but what does that have to do with propellers?"

    Thanks for clearing that up!

  4. Anonymous11/10/2004

    I liked this article, I think you are on to something! Dollar Store shoppers unite!

  5. Anonymous11/10/2004

    Oddddddddd. very odddddd.

  6. I just wanted to mention, the figure in the instructions is Spiderman. They also had a Batman and Zorro figure at the store.