I met a guy the other day who met Hulk Hogan.
I met Hulk Hogan. What I want to meet is Hulk Hogan's fanny pack.
Aaaah, if that fanny pack could talk imagine what stories it would tell.
Hulk Hogan loves the fanny pack. If you see a picture of Hulk Hogan look down below his waist... but don't let anyone see you do this.
Anyway, look down there and there it is.
His fanny pack.
The fanny pack was a popular accessory for men in the 1990s. Finally men could be like a woman and have a purse.
I used to pretend I was a kangaroo and it was my pouch.
I loved my pouch. I kept it in the front because I figured pickpockets would have less access to my stuff.
I kept some good stuff in there, too.
I think I had a roll of caps, a pair of safety scissors and my retainer.
Since I was pretending to be a kangaroo I usually spoke with an Australian accent and called it my "bum bag".
Occasionally people heard me talk about my "bum bag" and they thought I meant my "hobo bindle".
That bag was really a bandanna tied to a stick.
Eventually I stopped wearing a fanny pack. So did everyone else...
Except Hulk Hogan.
Hogan wears a fancy leather fanny pack, but it is still a fanny pack. I don't know why he wears it. Sure, if he was wearing his trunks and he had no pockets I could understand why. But I saw Hogan wear it with a tuxedo.
Here Hogan, his daughter and semi-celebrity Dennis Rodman hang out with his fanny pack:
Rodman's hat actually matches Hogan's fanny pack.
If you put Rodman's hat ON top of Hogan's fanny pack I bet it would be able to slam dunk The Hati Kid.
This lucky fan got a picture with Jimmy Hart, Hogan AND Hogan's fanny pack:
Oh how I wonder what could be inside that fanny pack! It looks so full! Maybe he keeps a fake beard in there in case the NWO ever starts back up.
In case you are not a wrestling fan, I want to tell you a little about the NWO. The NWO was a popular wrestling storyline that involved Hogan and a couple other wrestlers pretending to chop down trees with their bare hands. During that time Hogan pretended to have a beard:
If you don't remember this, be very thankful.
This guy apparently met Hogan at an "aerobic babysitting" convention.
Hogan shakes his hand assuming that is what the fan was leaning over to do... I bet he was reaching out to touch his fanny pack.
I know that is what I would do... I wonder if it's real leather, or just a leather-like material.... like Hogan's skin!
Here Hogan poses with a little Hulkamaniac:
Look how close that child is to the fanny pack! That kid will never be that close to greatness even if he becomes the next Bill Gates.
Here Hogan and his fanny pack shill for Bar 66:
I bet the fanny pack was reluctant to be used for commercial purposes, but Hogan convinced him otherwise. Maybe Hogan took the fanny pack to Bar 66 and got it drunk before asking it to sign the papers.
Still, I would bet the fanny pack could drink Hogan under the table.
This might be the greatest photo ever taken:
I am not sure who this guy is or why he looks mad at Hogan. Hulkster appears to be suppressing a burp. Brooke-tini is in the background, but dad's propensity to flex his bicep has made her all but invisible. The fanny pack is right in the middle, basking in it all.
It's a statement about life. It's art. It's the greatest photo ever.
Lastly, we have this guy:
Look at his face! I know what he is thinking....
"Is that your fanny pack, or are you just happy to see me?"
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