Friday, August 10, 2007

An article for John B.


Ooooh. PATCO. The very word makes my spell check cringe.




Sweet spell check, I love you so, but you have a hell of a lot to learn about PATCO.

Let's learn together. First I Googled "PATCO".

After learning about the Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization, Patrick and Co. (an office supplier in San Fransisco) and a mind boggling number of people who misspell "PETCO" I found

So PATCO is an acronym for something. And we can ride it.

Whoo hoo!


The Port Authority Transit Corporation!

Taking a look at the top of the page we see a logo that says PATCO FREEDOM. At first glance it looks like PATCOFFEEDOM. Man I could use some caffine... and a pack of light bulbs some paper plates and The Kukla & Ollie Board Game.

This has nothing to do with PATCO. I was just thinking of other things I need to buy this weekend.

The PATCO site has a very interesting page on the history of PATCO. Nowhere do they mention the slogan "You can't spell 'pee on a taco' without PATCO", so I bet that isn't their slogan. Still the PATCO speedline has been a success for 30 years without that slogan.

Here is some information from the website:
30 Years of Success
The PATCO Speedline operation on February 15, 1969, with the first trip from Lindenwold, New Jersey, to Center City Philadelphia. Back then, the 14.2 mile line carried 21,200 people per day. Today, more than 38,000 people rely on the Hi-Speedline to get them to work, school, sporting events, shopping and anywhere else they need to go-quickly, easily and without the hassles of driving.

30 YEARS OF SUCCESS! Wow. Of course my math says that it has been about 38 years since February 15, 1969. So I guess the first 8 years were pretty pathetic.

38,000 people rely on the Hi-Speedline to get them to work, school, sporting events, shopping and anywhere else they need to go-quickly!

I often need to get to a bathroom quickly. I am going to call them. Or look for a taco.

38,000! Think about that. If you gave me a dollar for every person that rides on PATCO I would have something like $380,000. No wait, a dollar was probably worth less in 1969 so lets just say $350,000. Of course if we don't count the 8 years that they were unsuccessful that might lower the number substantially.

Why don't you just buy me The Kukla & Ollie Board Game and we can call it even.

The other thing on the PATCO site that interested me is the "JOY RIDES". This sounds like fun to me because I like to steal peoples cars and drive them real fast until they run out of gas.

So many fun places you can "JOY RIDE" to. You can go to the Liberty Bell, visit some of the beautiful universities or... go to... the hospital.

Well I hope my neighbor left his keys in the ignition, I am goin' for a joy ride!

I hope I get to see someone with a really bad rash or maybe even irritable bowels.


WAIT, I hate to end an article by mentioning irritable bowels. Instead I shall end with my review of the classic children's book Billy Goat's Gruff:

The book starts off well with talking goats. I love when things that can't talk start talking.

Unfortunately a mean troll shows up. No, it's not Bob Costas.

The troll drowns at the end and HBO cancels his show. Now the three goats are free to eat the delicious grass on the other side of the river, and to cross the bridge any time.
Until the President diverts the special "Bridge Fixing Funds" to pay for his war... Hey look! This book was written by Bill Maher!

No wonder it wasn't funny.

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