Monday, April 11, 2005

Wild Ants

Take a good look at that. Take a REALLY good look at that. That is WILD ANTS. I found this at a local drug store.

Wild Ants.

I am not sure the purpose of Wild Ants. My first impulse is "toy" but closer inspection points toward "torture device".

Look again:

See how the giant ants roam free upon his lifeless body. See the look of shock/horror frozen on his face. He has become a victim of the Wild Ants.

I bring you his obituary:

Tommy Breybantz dead at age 15

Tommy Breybantz, was found dead yesterday in his parents Cansville home. Tommy had been walking through his room when he was attacked by Wild Ants. Tommy apparently fell backwards onto his bed snapping his neck. The Wild Ants then devoured him.
Tommy will be missed by the community for his skills at kickball and "burping the alphabet".
He is survived by his parents, but not for long. They will soon be Wild Ant food.

Very sad.

You know, it just dawned on me how silly the name Wild Ants is. Why "Wild"? Is that to differentiate these from other ants available on the market?

Aren't all ants technically wild? Maybe the name is just to evoke memories of Weird Al Yankovic's cover of the famous Troggs track "Wild Thing"

Wild Ants (by Al Yankovic, to the tune of Wild Thing by the Troggs)

Wild Ants
You killed Tommy Breybantz
You didn't give him a chance
Come on, Wild Ants

Wild Ants, I think you killed him
But I gotta know for sure
Come on and check his pulse
Oh you killed him

Inspired by Al's fine work, I decided to present my own Wild Ant's poem:

Wild Ants (by Guy Hutchinson, inspired by Al Yankovic, who was inspired by the Troggs)

I live in fear of the Wild Ants
I hope they never get in my pants
I fear Wild Ants and hate them so
Just like any film starring Bronson Pinchot
Did you see that flick called "Second Sight?"
It was on cable the other night
Pinchot starred opposite John Larroquette
I watched half of it, I admit with regret
John played a detective, Bronson a Psychic
The screenplay was written by Patricia Resnick
I never heard of her before
But I shall remember her forevermore

I love Wild Ants.

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