Mr. T and Emmanuel Lewis in ‘A Christmas Dream’

A few years ago I found a photo on eBay of Mr. T dressed as Santa Claus. At first I figured it was from his day as the White House Santa. But, this photo was different. This had a different Santa suit and Emmanuel Lewis!

Yup, TV’s Webster. Of course, that’s not so surprising because I put his name in the title.

But, believe me, if I hadn’t you would be shocked right now.

So, with the knowledge of Mr. T and Webster starring in a film together, I turned to the IMDB where I found NOTHING about this film!

So, I went to Hollywood Blvd. If you have ever been to Hollywood, you have probably have been in the ‘headshot shops.’ These are stores (4 of them on Hollywood Blvd.) that sell pretty much NOTHING but movie and TV head shots. If you need to find one, someone on that street has it and will sell it to you for under $5.

After about an hour of searching I found what I was looking for.

Another picture of Mr. T and Webster, only this one also had NYC Mayor Ed Kotch. On the back it read “Mr. T and Emmanuel Lewis star in ‘A Christmas Dream’ on NBC. It also told the original airdate and the show description.

So, after searching for 6 months EVERYWHERE for this show on tape. I found it. Actually, I found two different copies of it almost at the same time.

So, here is a review you won’t find anywhere else on the web: Mr. T and Emmanuel Lewis in ‘A Christmas Dream’.



The show opens with Mr. T in a Santa suit trying very hard to talk while wearing a fake beard. Emmanuel Lewis approaches; he is a ‘latch key’ kid and doesn’t believe.

Let me be more specific, it’s not that he doesn’t believe in Santa, Emmanuel Lewis doesn’t believe in CHRISTMAS.

You probably have encountered people that don’t believe in Christmas before, be they Jews or Muslims, and you let them go on believing what they believe.

Not Mr. T.
Mr. T is determined to show Emmanuel Lewis the magic of Christmas. So much so that he bets him a dollar.

Anxious to show him some magic, Mr. T takes him to FAO Schwartz. There we find David Copperfield who is doing magic for a little girl who is far more interested in lifting up her dress than his magic tricks. This scenario would be repeated years later when Copperfield married Claudia Schiffer.


Since the magic of David Copperfield is not enough to match the magic of Christmas (or the magic of a $20 magic kit at Toys R’ Us, but that is a different matter) Mr. T takes Emmanuel on a Handsome Carriage ride through New York.



Then in a mind numbing series of travel video shots, they watch skaters in Rockefeller Center, meet Ed Kotch, sing with Maureen McGovern see the American Boy Choir and watch the Rockettes. Emmanuel even dreams he IS a Rockette.



Of course what young boy hasn’t dreamed of being a Rockette?

My favorite cameo in the picture is from ventriloquist Willie Tyler. He shows up with Lester and a new dummy named Buster.



Finally, the whole thing wraps up with Mr. T telling the story of the birth of Christ. At this point Emmanuel’s parents arrive to pick him up. Being so moved by the magic of Christmas he gives Mr. T a dollar.

Or, maybe he was moved by his desire to end this bizarre special. I would have paid a dollar for that.

Copper Mountain

If you go to Wal-Mart you have seen them. Big bins FULL of DVDs for $5.50.
$5.50! For those wanting to stretch their entertainment dollar, this is hard to pass up.

Inside the bin you will find several kinds of movies:

Studio films: A small portion of this bin consists of studio films that the studios decided to price low to boost sales. Titles such as 'The Truth about Cats and Dogs' and 'Elvira: Mistress of the Dark' are often in the bin.

Old public domain films: These are films where the owner decided not to pay to keep ownership of the film. These poor shortsighted souls never envisioned the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart.
On this front, I have purchased a 2 disc set of 10 different Roy Rogers' westerns from this bin.

God awful films that aren't worth $5.50: This is the type of film 'Copper Mountain' is.

'Copper Mountain' caught my eye because of the giant picture of Jim Carrey on the cover. I am a fan of Jim Carrey and have been since I saw him on 'In Living Color'. How could it be that I did not know of 'Copper Mountain'?

I assumed that that on this disk was the greatest Jim Carrey film ever made. An Ace Ventura on skis. To confirm my assumption was the two words below Jim Carrey: ALAN THICKE.

Alan Thicke.

The almighty 'King of Television', recognized by all as 'The World's Greatest Entertainer'.

ALAN THICKE stands at 6'2" but he might as well be 8 feet tall as he stands head and shoulders above everyone else in show business.

Who can forget his legendary films and TV shows? Or his multi platinum music career with such hits as 'Your Pal Alan' and 'Thicke of You'? Or the best selling line of action figures including 'Thicke on a Stick' the number two selling toy of all time after the Rubik's Cube.

Yes, Thicke and Carrey are such a formidable duo that 'Copper Mountain' should have been the greatest thing since sliced bread (or at least the greatest Alan Thicke film since his 1998 film 'Alan Thicke Slices Bread'.)

Once I started the film, I realized I was wrong. 'Copper Mountain' may be the WORST film I have ever seen. With a running time of less than 60 minutes, I am not sure it even qualifies as a film.

But, whatever 'Copper Mountain' is, it is the worst one of those I have ever seen!

The film starts out grainy and poorly shot. We see Jim Carrey and Alan Thicke arrive at a beautiful ski lodge. Within minutes Thicke is putting the moves on the ladies and Jim is impersonating Sammy Davis Jr.

Really, and not just a brief impersonation, Jim sings the entire song Mr. Bojangles as Sammy Davis Jr. Then he tries to pick up ladies by wowing them with his ability to impersonate Colonel Potter from M*A*S*H.

Oddly enough it doesn't work.

Perhaps the women weren't into the brown knitted whale sweater he wore. Seriously, fashion of the early eighties aside, WHY would some one knit this. A brown sweater with tan WHALES knitted on it. Was there a market for such a sweater?

While Jim works his impressionist magic, Alan enters a ski competition.

Meanwhile, Rita Coolidge and a few other early eighties musicians perform ENTIRE songs on a stage set up outside the resort. In a movie less than 1 hour in length, giving 10 minutes to Ronnie Hawkins’ music seems WAY too excessive.

Suddenly the end credits roll. In the end some lessons were learned:

Jim learns to be himself, and he can get women (2 ACTUALLY!!) without impersonating others!

Alan learns not to judge fat people after he loses a skiing match to a man who he said was "so fat he probably can't get up the mountain."

And, I learned to BEWARE OF THE $5.50 BIN!!!!

Bobby Darin

Bobby Darin was one of the most popular teen idols of the 1950's.

A new feature film is set to be released starring Kevin Spacey as the Bronx born musician. I haven't seen it yet, but it should be amazing, simply because Bobby Darin's life was as fascinating and bizarre as any in show business history.

Robert Walden Cassotto was born May 14, 1936, but with a name Robert Walden Cassotto you wouldn't sell many records. Unless you work at the Virgin Mega Store, but that's really not the same thing.

Bobby is said to have chosen Darin because he saw a Chinese Restaurant with the word 'Mandarin' in neon letters. The letters 'M-A-N' were all burned out so the sign just said 'darin.'

I wish the sign had said 'Manslaughter'. Then his name would be Bobby Slaughter.

But, I would have avoided THAT Chinese Restaurant.

Bobby was a sickly child, with a serious heart condition. As a youth, he overheard doctors saying he would not live to be 16. This news emboldened Darin who worked very hard at his goal of becoming a superstar.

Eventually he climbed the ladder of the music industry with such diverse hits as 'Splish Splash' and 'Mack the Knife.'

Bobby was a brash and outspoken entertainer saying on one occasion that he wanted to be "bigger than Sinatra."

This goal was accomplished early as Darin easily eclipsed the 5' 8" Sinatra in both height and weight. Later proclamations that he would be bigger than 'that tall guy that plays Lurch' was never fulfilled.

After becoming a standout musician Darin turned to the movie screen. Darin made several movies, beginning Come September in 1960. His leading lady Sandra Dee later became his wife. Darin was a fine actor receiving an Oscar nomination for his work in the 1963 film Capt. Newman M.D.

In 1967 Sandra Dee and Darin divorced. It is said that the divorce came because Darin was upset that Dee stole his 'stage name story' and told people she named herself after a Mandees clothing store with bunch of broken lights. Then she would laugh like Vincent Price.

Bobby was very into politics at the time, working hard for Robert Kennedy. After Kennedy was shot, Bobby felt so moved he gave up all of his worldly goods and purchased a mobile home in California.

In 1968, Darin discovered his was actually his GRANDMOTHER and his sister was really his mother.

His birth mother had him out of wedlock and the family decided the 'lie' would keep shame from the family.

The family also decided to pretend that their parlor was really a living room.

These two lies haunted Darin for the rest of his life.

Speaking of life, at this point, Darin had long ago surpassed his 16 year death sentence, but was still dealing with a bad heart.

During the latter stages of his career, Bobby starred in a few low budget films, had put out several albums of very different musical styles and married Andrea Joy Yeager in June 1972.

The next year Bobby died during a heart condition. As part of his will, there was no funeral and his body was donated to the UCLA Medical Center for research purposes.

The new Bobby Darin film is called 'Beyond the Sea' and was written and directed by star Kevin Spacey. Kevin is 45 years old, Bobby died at age 37. Lurch became a U.S. Senator from Massachusetts. In 2004 ran an unsuccessful presidential campaign against President George Bush.

The Twelve Days Of Christmas: The Song

The 12 days of Christmas always puzzled me. Why 12 days? I only got 1 day (two if you count Christmas Eve.) My Jewish friends got 8 days, so that wasn't it either. I thought perhaps it was for kids with one Jewish parent and one Christian. They added the 8 days of Chanukah and the 2 Christmas days and got 12.

I also assumed they were bad at math.

I found out recently that the 12 days refers to Dec 25th to sunset on Jan. 6th. The 12 days is pretty much an outdated phenomena today, except for this song.

The song is very easy to sing and its simple rhythm makes parody very easy. For example I wrote the following parody during a commercial break during Leave it to Beaver. It's about the Frank Capra film Mr. Smith Goes to Washington:

On the (first) day of Mr. Smith the White House sent to me
Twelve pieces of legislation
Eleven amendments
Ten pocket vetoes
Nine dead Vince Fosters
Eight Mile on DVD starring Eminem
Seven swans swimming in the reflecting pool below the Washington Monument (sing that part real fast)
Six greased palms
Five golden rules
Four Constitutions
Three French cuts of the film
Two ugly old ladies
And
A bald eagle in an oak tree

Let's take a look at the REAL lyrics in numerical order.

On the (first) day of Christmas my true love sent to me

A partridge in a pear tree
Two turtle doves
Three french hens
Four colly birds

Yup, that lyric is COLLY birds, not calling birds. Colly means black, so it is 4 black birds. Speaking of birds, what is the deal with all the birds. So far the true love has given 10 different birds and a tree! I bet the recipient was thinking "nice birds, but couldn't you buy me a sweater?"

Five gold rings

Yeah, GOLD! Now we are talking! But, isn't 5 over kill? Who are they buying this for Mr. T?

Six geese laying
Seven swans swimming

Good god! More birds! And some of these are laying, soon we will be over run with them.

Eight maids milking

Milking what? The swans?

Nine drummers drumming
Ten pipers piping

Rock on.

Eleven ladies dancing
Twelve lords leaping

People dancing and leaping. Not what I have on MY Christmas list, but it beats getting more birds.

Merry Christmas from bunchojunk.com 2004

Day Twelve The Twelve Days Of Christmas: The Song The 12 days of Christmas always puzzled me. Why 12 days? I only got 1 day (two if you count Christmas Eve.) (more)

Day Eleven Christmas Rap It was the greatest album ever released. Christmas Rap. Never before have two words looked so good side by side. This album was released at the end of the 1980s, so finally people could listen to 'Christmas in Hollis' and 'Ghetto Santa' on one album. (more)

Day Ten An Interview with a Fruitcake In honor of the upcoming holiday, I set down with this Christmas standard, the fruitcake. (more)

Day Nine A Hershey Christmas Hershey Pennsylvania, a town that smells like chocolate. Never a bad place to visit, but the holidays are especially fun in Hershey. I went there this weekend to take in some of the holiday events they offer. (more)

Day Eight Mr. T as the White House Santa The year was 1983. Jackie Collin's 'Hollywood Wives' topped the bestseller list, the Baltimore Orioles were baseball's world champions and Ronald Reagan was in the White House. (more)

Day Seven Santa on the Web Part 4 (last one I promise!) Today we explore more of jolly 'ol St. Nick's online homes. First up is santas.com. This site is pretty plain and has lots of banner ads. My favorite was for blondes.net. Santa, you old scamp. (more)

Day Six Santa on the Web part 3 Yikes, even more Santa sites! Let's start withsantaclausonline.com. On their front page there is an animation of Santa falling on some ice. The animation is looped so he just falls again and again. it's painful to watch. Old people like Santa have fragile hips and falls on ice tend to be very dangerous anyway. (more)

Day Five Santa on the Web part 2 Yup, Santa is on the internet. So, grab your mouse and let’s go! First on the list today is santa-claus.com, a nice looking site that offers a pay service to have Santa call you! For $4.95 your child will get to interact with a pre-recorded call. (more)

Day Four Santa on the Web part 1 Holy Dwight Schultz! Santa is ALL OVER THE WEB. I was stunned to find out just how many websites the big guy has. Today, let's take a look at a few of them. First off is emailsanta.com. The main draw of this site is, of course, the ability to EMAIL Santa. (more)

Day Three Scary Movies About Santa Claus I don't know why, but there are MANY horror films that revolve around Christmas. Go to your local Circuit City and you will find more holiday horror than you can shake a stick at. (more)

Day Two Have a Panda Christmas with eBay HALLMARK 1999 CHILD'S FOURTH CHRISTMAS PANDA Apparently, like 'silver' is the 25th wedding anniversary, 'panda' is the baby's forth Christmas. This eBay item asks the question: Do you have a 9 year old that you forgot to buy an ornament for back in 1999? (more)

Day One Run DMC's Christmas in Hollis Once upon a time Santa came to Hollis Queens. Luckily Run DMC was there to give us a play by play of his appearance. Run DMC: Christmas in Hollis It was December 24th on Hollis Ave after dark When I see a man chilling with his dog in the park I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear (more)

Christmas Rap

It was the greatest album ever released.

Christmas Rap

Never before have two words looked so good side by side. This album was released at the end of the 1980s, so finally people could listen to 'Christmas in Hollis' and 'Ghetto Santa' on one album.

This compilation album was released at the same time as that goofy 'Very Special Christmas' album that featured 'Christmas In Hollis' as well as Madonna's grating 'Santa Baby', a song that never seems to disappear from the holiday Christmas rotation.

THAT album, with songs from such artists as Sting and The Pretenders, offered little to hip hop fans.

So, Christmas Rap was the clear choice for all 'Christmas In Hollis' fans.

The cover of the album features a pair of gift wrapped legs wearing Christmas lights and Run DMC's signature Adidas Superstar sneakers. I assume it wasn't Run DMC under the gift wrap, and I am glad I didn't have to unwrap it to find out.

'Christmas In Hollis' has already been covered on this site, and although that is the most interesting track on the album, it is FAR from the only interesting track on the album.

After Run DMC's ode to collard greens and Adidas there were 8 other hip hop tracks. You can hear sample of the tracks on CD Universe.

Sweet Tee - Let the Jingle Bells Rock
Sweet Tee comes in with a sing song-y rap called 'Let the Jingle Bells Rock'. The title is rather odd, since I don't think anyone was trying to stop the rocking of the Jingle Bells. Either way, I am sure Bill Haley will turn over in his grave when he hears this song. That is, if he hears it AFTER he dies. If he hears it now he will probably just lie on the floor and start turning over.

LYRICS:

what! you didn't know Christmas went hip hop
check the clock and let the jingle bells rock

I saw a wreath hanging on every door
Santa on the corner getting cash for the poor
people shopping, their eyes filled with gleam
store windows have a Christmas theme
chestnut roasting champagne toasting
kids on the corner with their new toys boasting

I like the line "their eyes filled with gleam." One would think she wanted to say GLEE (great merriment), but it didn't rhyme. So instead we get GLEAM (reflected light.) Granted the eye can reflect light, but somehow it seems like a bizarre anatomy fact for a Christmas rap song.

Dana Dane Is Coming To Town - Dana Dane
The ultra cool Dana Dane reminds us what he feels the holidays are TRULY about: DANA DANE.

Ghetto Santa - Spyder-D
A smattering of synthesized Christmas tunes and the words 'pump it up' accompany this first person account of Ghetto Santa's Christmas operation. It's pretty much the same as regular Santa, with more Ghetto.
That, by the way, is the Easter Bunny's slogan.

THE EASTER BUNNY: LIKE SANTA, WITH MORE GHETTO

Christmas In The City - King Sun-D Moet
Maybe it's just because This song is 4th on the album, but it really sounds like King Sun-D Moet just took all the previous songs and stitched them together in hopes of making one MEGA SONG!

Chillin' With Santa - Derek B
Derek B tells the story of how Santa called upon him one year to help out with Christmas. It's a shame that Santa called upon Derek B back then when he was busy making music. He should call Derek B up THIS Christmas. I am sure he has plenty of time this year.

He's Santa Claus - Disco 4
Santa, who really needs to hire some full time help, calls upon the Disco 4 who help him deliver presents.
You know with all of the rap connections it's no surprise Santa hasn't been gunned down in one of those 'East Coast/West Coast' feuds.

That's What I Want For Christmas - The Showboys
The Showboys don't put much effort into their track, they just take a sample of 'White Christmas' and then mention all the expensive gifts they want.

LYRICS:

(White Christmas sample)I'm dreaming of a-
Mansion and a Yacht

I am glad they weren't on my Christmas list.

Surf M. C. New Year, A - Surf M. C.'s
Surf M.C.'s make a valiant effort to link Christmas AND New Years in their track to help make it relevant for an extra week.
They say Santa will bring you surfing stuff if you are a good boy or girl.

I am sure the Showboys will be disappointed. Maybe they will have to wait for Derek B, the Disco 4 and Ghetto Santa to bring them their mansion and yacht.