A photo of Sweetie and Mr. T wearing cowboy hats

It's quite an odd photo, isn't it.

About a month ago I found an article on-line that hinted that Mr. T might be on hand at the Gloucester County 4-H Fair sometime during the Fair's four day run.

He is busy shooting episodes of his reality show "I Pity The Fool" and one local farm might be featured in an episode.

After a couple of well placed calls I had all the information I needed. Mr. T was going to fly into New Jersey on Thursday July 28th and would be heading out on Friday night.

Somewhere in between he MIGHT be at the fair.

Thursday night I hopped into the Sweetie-mobile and took the 90 minute drive to South Jersey.

Before you start picturing scenes from the opening credits of "The Sopranos" let me stress one thing:

This is SOUTH Jersey.

It's really like the "South."

I loved it. The Gloucester County 4-H Fair has all the things you would expect a 4-H fair to have.

If you tip the right person, they'll even tell you what the four H's stand for. (I have been sworn to secrecy on two of them, but I can tell you one of them is for Jalapeños.)

Here is a sheep:


Anyway, Thursday night ended up being totally "T" free.

No mention of him anywhere. A query at the information booth revealed that there was a chance he would be there on Friday.

Friday July 28, 2006 I arrived at the fairgrounds bright and early. Still, no sign of Mr. T. So I watched cows eat for hours.



Although this was more fun than it sounds, it still was no match for actually MEETING Mr. T. I was starting to think this was as good as it would get.

Then I saw some show biz types. They stuck out like a sore thumb. They even stuck out more than me since I had been clever enough to buy a cowboy hat so I could walk around incognito.

The show biz types were scouting the grounds and putting up signs.

These signs:


Finally! A glimmer of hope! Perhaps the dream of being photographed side by side with the "one and only" Mr. T while wearing a cowboy hat would be coming true.

(I know you saw the photo at the top of the page, but pretend you don't know the outcome of the story yet. It's more fun.)

Still, even with some show biz types around I had not found Mr. T.

But I did find a tiny horse with the most adorable little bangs:



Then as I walked away from this crazy midget horse, I heard the unmistakable voice of Mr. T.



Clad in an outfit FAR too hot for that particular day Mr. T stood behind a barn chatting with locals and being shielded from the heat by an umbrella held by a member of his entourage.

Mr. T spotted me (in my Mr. T shirt) and called me over where we took the following photo:


For the next 8 hours Mr. T was driven back and forth from his trailer to the main "horse show" area many times.



When he was in main area he did all kinds of really cool Mr. T things.

He dispensed advice to riders:


He sat in the crowd and cheered for riders:


And he became a rider:


Plus, when he wasn't shooting he made a point of greeting every single person at the fair.

He told us the show premieres on TV Land on October 11, 2006. This particular episode will be aired a couple weeks later.

It was awesome. I was even interviewed for the local paper, the Gloucester County Times.

Here is an excerpt from the article that appeared in the paper a day later (written by Trish Graber):

His arrival did not cause much stir at the agricultural fair, but for one hard-core fan who drove from Princeton for the chance to see Mr. T, it was the highlight of his week.

"I have thousands of (Mr. T) items," said Guy Hutchinson, who wore a black T-shirt with Mr. T's mug plastered across the front. "I've been across the country to see him."

Hutchinson drove to the fairgrounds two days in a row to see his favorite actor, since organizers did not announce whether he would appear Thursday night or Friday.
"He's so nice to everyone," Hutchinson said, after having his picture snapped with Mr. T.

And of Mr. T on the horse, Hutchinson said it was definitely worth traveling for.

"It's certainly a different side of Mr. T," he said.

A different side indeed.

Many thanks to Mr. T who is still the coolest celebrity on the planet.

Also, I want to point out that when it was written that seeing Mr. T was the "highlight of (my) week" it is worth noting that this was the highlight of a PRETTY COOL week.

In addition to seeing sheep and cows and funny little horses, I saw the Phillie Phanatic (at a Phillies/Diamondbacks game):


I also went to a balloon festival:


Still, it is true that Mr. T was the highlight of the week:

Donald Duck's Prehistoric Breakfastosaurus at Restaurantosaurus

At Disney's Animal Kingdom in Orlando Florida they have a daily event entitled:
Donald Duck's Prehistoric Breakfastosaurus at Restaurantosaurus

I say event because with a name like that you could hardly just call it a meal.

It's one of my favorite things to do ANYPLACE in the world because:

A. I love Walt Disney World
B. I love breakfast
C. I love Donald Duck
and
D. I love anything with a funny spelling

Really, I do. If you are selling a product and you want me to be interested , take away the letter "s" and replace it with a "z."

I will buy it.

Make the name even more ridiculous, I will buy more.

For example:

Sausages = O.K.
Zausagez = Awesome
Snausages = Totally awes- wait, that's a dog food.

It's a bad example, but it does help explain my affinity for Donald's character breakfast.

Anyway, if you haven't been to a Disney character breakfast before, here is how it works.

You show up and eat and throughout your meal about 5 costumed Disney characters come to your table for photographs or autographs.

It saves you the hassle of waiting in line for these characters later in the park, because lets face it, no one wants to go to Walt Disney World and leave WITHOUT a picture with Mickey Mouse.

Plus, as an adult it's often hard to get a photo with Disney's costumed pals because kids have a habit of jumping in front of you. I usually yell at them and push 'em aside, but some people have trouble building up the courage to shove other people's children.

So for them, a character meal is a must.



Character meals can be lunch or dinner, but most are breakfast.

And that is what Donald Duck's Prehistoric Breakfastosaurus. It's an all you can eat buffet, they say "all you care to eat" because it is not a requirement that you ingest as much as you physically can.

But, why wouldn't you.

The price is $18.99 a person, which seems a bit pricey. Still, Walt Disney World is generally expensive. If you don't like their prices, stay in your own world.



Donald is the host here, and he is outfitted here with a special dino-themed sailor suit. Remember, it's "prehistoric."

Not the food, however, that's pretty fresh.

They have the usual eggs, bacon, pancakes, fruit and sausage.

If only they had Zausagez!

They do have hot plates. Hot, hot, hot plates. Often so hot that you can't hold 'em. So hot that you food starts to melt when you put it on the plate. I hate when restaurants do that.

I hate it more when restaurantosaurus' do that.

Donald's buddies at this breakfast are Mickey, Goofy and Pluto all whom appear in their dino-themed vacation clothes.



They don't stay very long at your table. Just long enough to take a picture or sign an autograph.

I never get autographs. It seemed stupid to me even as a child. So when they get to my table they stop long enough to be photographed and then move on.

So sometimes I don't bring a camera.

It throws them COMPLETELY off their game.

They just kinda stand around and do schtick for you. It's pretty funny.

After they walk away I use some hand sanitizer to kill the kiddie germs that may have been transfered from Pluto's hand to mine.

Kids are filthy. Watch one for five minutes if you don't believe me.



After you met everyone, ate your eighteen dollars and ninety-nine cents worth of zausagez (humor me on this one), you pay the bill and move on.

But your memories last a lifetime.

Although you may find it hard to remember the full name: Donald Duck's Prehistoric Breakfastosaurus at Restaurantosaurus.

You, Me, Steely Dan and Dupree

It sure seems like a big joke, but I still scratched my head when I read the following headline:

STEELY DAN ACCUSES OWEN WILSON OF PLAGIARISM

I scratched my head for three reasons:

1. I didn't know Steely Dan was still around.
2. I couldn't imagine what Owen Wilson could steal from them.
3. My scalp is just itchy. Perhaps I need to try a new shampoo.

Here is the whole story:

Owen Wilson stars in and possibly produces the new film You, Me and Dupree. I say possibly since I am too lazy to check the IMDB, but I am pretty sure I saw his name more than twice.

I would like to state for the record that I often feel like I am in a hypnotic trance when I watch Owen Wilson. I think his nose some unearthly powers.

The film tells the story of a married couple (Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson) who have an unwelcome house guest. The guest is a lovable loser with a bizarre hypnotic nose (Owen Wilson.)

Steely Dan claims the concept of the film is a rip off their song, "Cousin Dupree."

Rather than sue, Steely Dan chose to pen a letter- to Owen's actor brother Luke Wilson.

The letter reads (in part):
They write: "Your brother has gotten himself mixed up with some pretty bad Hollywood schlockmeisters."

They then go on to say:
"What we suspect may have happened is this: some hack writer or producer or whatever they call themselves in Malibu or Los Feliz apparently heard our Grammy winning song "Cousin Dupree" on the radio and though, hey, man, this is a cool idea for a character in a movie or something..."

They offer to settle the entire matter by having Owen come to their concert and make a public apology. They even offer to give him a bunch of free T-Shirts and key chains.

On the negative side, they threaten to have one of their buddies beat Owen if he doesn't show.

The entire, expletive laden, open letter can be seen here.

It seems from the tone of the letter that they are joking... or that they're crazy. I am not really that familiar with them to be able to tell.

I can take a stab at analyzing the 2001 song "Cousin Dupree."

COUSIN DUPREE

Well I've kicked around a lot since high school
I've worked a lot of nowhere gigs
From keyboard man in a rock'n ska band
To haulin' boss crude in the big rigs

Boss Crude? Wasn't that the villain in the Sewer Shark Sega CD game?

Now I've come back home to plan my next move
From the comfort of my Aunt Faye's couch
When I see my little cousin Janine walk in
All I could say was ow ow ouch

I know, at first it sounds like something vaguely sexual, but I hear that cousin Janine had Endometriosis, which is a very painful disease. Believe me, you would say ow ow ouch if you saw her.

Honey how you've grown
Like a rose
Well we used to play
When we were three
How about a kiss for your cousin Dupree

Ooops, never mind. Dupree is a pervert.

She turned my life into a living hell
In those little tops and tight capris
I pretended to be readin' the National Probe
As I was watchin' her wax her skis

The National Probe? That's gotta be as painful as Endometriosis! Maybe I should move to Canada.

On Saturday night she walked in with her date
And backs him up against the wall
I tumbled off the couch and heard myself sing
In a voice I never knew I had before

I'll teach you everything I know
If you teach me how to do that dance
Life is short and quid pro quo
And what's so strange about a down-home family romance?

Wait, now I remember, Quid Pro Quo was the villain in Sewer Shark! God I loved that game.

One night we're playin' gin by a cracklin' fire
And I figured I'd make my play
I said babe with my boyish charm and good looks
How can you stand it for one more day

She said maybe its the skeevy look in your eyes
Or that your mind has turned to applesauce
The dreary architecture of your soul
I said - but what is it exactly turns you off?

If only he had hypnotized her with his nose, Steely Dan would have had a better case.

Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure: An 8 Part Saga

For a (not so) brief moment I was obsessed with this movie. Now you can read all about it here:

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

PART SEVEN

PART EIGHT

Personally, I suggest you skip the whole thing.

Sweetie's myspace.com page

Have you ever visited myspace.com/bunchojunk?

If you have, you can tune out now. Go look at my buddy Michael "Kid" Blount's page and hear him drone on about his "future girlfriend."

If you have never been to myspace.com/bunchojunk pay close attention because I am going to tell you what to look for when you actually do take the trip across the web.

THING TO LOOK FOR #1:
My Profile

When I started the Myspace page back in May of 2005 I posted this photo of me from a Halloween 2004. I have changed it a couple of tines, but I have found that the image of a man dressed as a snack food - dressed as a cowboy draws in the most people.

More people visit my Myspace page, more people visit bunchojunk.com.

More people visit bunchojunk.com, more... uh... I guess that's the end of the chain.

Anyway, under my name you will find my "headline." The current one is a quote from WWE legend Dusty Rhodes.
For a long time it simply read "Dewey Beats Truman." Get it? Because it's the HEADLINE?? Trust me, if this was 1948 you would be laughing. How do I know?

Because I am 99 years old.

Or at least that's the wacky age I gave to Myspace. I bet you are laughing now.

THING TO LOOK FOR #2:
My (hundreds of) friends

At first glance it's SHOCKING how many friends I have. The sad fact is these people aren't my real friends. They never call, they rarely write, I sure couldn't borrow $10 from them.

In fact I haven't even met most of them. Take another look at the photo of my friends. I went ahead and circled all the ones I HAVE met in read. Even they aren't that reliable. The Phillie Phanatic would NEVER give me a ride to the airport and I only met Jay once.

We exchanged pleasantries, took a photo together, swapped chicken pot pie recipes and that was it.

Still, Jay and a couple hundred other people are my friend. You can be my friend too, just click the "add to friends" link.

If were lucky Jack Skeleton and Weird Al Yankovic will both still be on-line when you do. Then we can all hang out in cyberspace.

THING TO LOOK FOR #3:
Links, links and more links

I will be honest with y'all. The ONLY reason I have a page on Myspace is to direct people here. And I can be pretty sneaky about it.
Every image in this image (whoa! Wrap your head around that sentence, buddy!) is a link to someplace on bunchojunk.com.
I just hope someone lets their mouse linger over top of a photo of TV's Jeffery Tambor and then their cat steps on the keyboard transporting them to some Tambor themed article.

This page has more links than a sausage factory (obviously I mean one that makes sausage links, not sausage patties.)

Between the links you can see some of my Myspace bio.

In case you care, here is what it says:

Considered by all the father of our country, Guy Hutchinson was both the commander of the Revolutionary Army and the President of the United States. Washington was elected unanimously after the Constitution was ratified.

It's either funny or just a big fat lie.

THING TO LOOK FOR #4:
The Blog

The blog is where I shamelessly cut and paste articles from this site and then combine them with... you guessed it... more links back to bunchojunk.com.

You may notice that the blog features a space for comments AND/OR "kudos." That means there are 2 ways for people to ignore my writing.

THING TO LOOK FOR #5:
Comments about pro wrestling

Although it's not often mentioned HERE, wrestling is a surprisingly popular topic on the Myspace page.

This trio of comments shows wrestler Dennis Stamp in his underwear holding weights and jumping on a trampoline and a dream match for Kurt Ange (who I originally thought was a misspelling of Kurt Angle, but now I find it's some half German, half Chinese guy in Newark.)
It also shows "Craig" quoting me quoting Dusty Rhodes (I'm still trying to figure that one out.)


THING TO LOOK FOR #6:
Random comments about plays & photos of 50 Cent

Here is a good look at the types of comments that appear on the Myspace page. At the top and bottom "Godspell" and "Grapes of Wrath" are being discussed extensively. In the middle we have the greatest celebrity collage every produced.

THING TO LOOK FOR #8:
A giant photo of Bigfoot

You may notice that the whole Myspace page seems out of whack. The reason: the giant photo of Bigfoot.

Sure, Bigfoot is known for his size. But even Sasquatch in high heels is as big as THIS photo.
Don't change the resolution on your monitor, and don't bother to scroll from side to side. This photo is too HUGE. You will never see it all on the Myspace page.

You can see it here:

It's a rather sweet photo of Bigfoot standing in a McDonalds holding a bouquet of flowers as a guy with a giant mustache holds a little girl on the counter.

We could spend hours trying to understand the significance of this photo.

Sadly, I don't have the time. I have to approve some of my newest friends:

Wish me luck, I need to go to the airport next month.

Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure Part 8

I am going to be completely honest with y'all. I painted myself into a corner with this whole Baby Huey thing. Originally, I just wanted to do a review. Then, I got really busy and decided to publish a pointless article that had almost nothing to do with Baby Huey.

Then, I did it again.

And again.

And again.

Now I really have no choice but to do an actual review of Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure.

If I don't we may NEVER be able to move on.

So, here it is.

Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure

The film opens with David L. Lander (Squiggy from "Laverne and Shirley") meeting with some kind of Hollywood agent. Squiggy claims the dog would do a trick, but the dog does nothing. The agent demands a real animal act.

But where will Squiggy find an animal act?

In the next scene we get a big clue... and I mean BIG when a giant egg falls out of an egg truck. Soon after, a little boy named Nick finds the egg and Huey hatches out of it.

In other words, Huey was just a short drive away from being some dude's omelet.

Nick heads home where his dad (that Joe Isuzu guy) is trying to fix a toaster... or a car... or something. I don't remember exactly. He tries to fix a bunch of different things throughout the flick and it never seems to work out. Nick's mom, Marsha Brady is just in shock about Baby Huey.

It's interesting to note that we have not SEEN Baby Huey yet in the film. He has been off screen for both his scenes so far. They are building him up for a big "reveal" later in the film. Of course, we all know exactly what he looks like because he is on the cover of the DVD.

Perhaps they are actually NOT waiting for the reveal. Maybe they are just really ashamed of Baby Huey.

Nonetheless, a few cameos later we finally see Huey as he hits a home run during Nick's little league game.

The next twenty minutes or so was a bit of blur to me, but I remember a few things:

Nick and Huey went to Dead Man's Gulch. It's just a cliff, but it's important later... that is if you consider ANY of this important.

Huey also breaks a whole lot of things and Joe Isuzu tries to fix things. They don't really play up the connection between the two, but perhaps it's a sub conscious thing.

Sorta like how Homer Simpson and Krusty the Clown look alike. The big difference here is that watching Homer and Krusty doesn't make you want to swallow a bucket of rat poison.

Meanwhile, Huey is being hunted relentlessly by Squiggy.

Squiggy tells Huey that he could perform at in Las Vegas.

Then we see it: Baby Huey on stage at the Circus Circus. Suddenly he gets eaten by a tiger.

Sadly, it was just a dream sequence.

Later, when Huey goes to bed he is seen wearing a shower curtain. He also tries to sleep in top bunk and breaks the bed. The next day he breaks all of the equipment at the playground. Then he goes into Nick's class leads them in a sing along and then breaks stuff.

At the same time the bad guys are plotting some ridiculous plan to capture Baby Huey. See, they want to steal the town's Easter eggs and blame it on Huey.

They also do a big song and dance number. I don't care how evil you are, once you start dancing I love you!

SPOILER ALERT: If you want the ending to be a surprise when you get into a situation where watching Baby Huey is inevitable read no further (I officially nominate this for WORST SENTENCE EVER ON BUNCHOJUNK.)

In the end Squiggy hits Huey with a car. The town cries and assumes he is dead. Unfortunately he was NOT dead and "comes to" moments later. To make matters worse Huey finds another GIANT egg.

I only hope a deadly tiger hatched from it as soon as the credits rolled.

THE END (the end of the movie AND the end of this absurd series of Baby Huey articles.)

Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure Part 7

Part 7

The mystery has started to be peeled away. Peeled away like the many layers of an onion. Although under the layers of an onion is just more onion.

And I don't like onions.

Anyhoo, it seems the world has not sat back and watched my dissension into Baby Huey inspired madness without trying to keep me in check.

Take a look at what I found on dontdatehimgirl.com:

Very manipulative...Don't date him....he is a cheater.

What? What have I ever cheated at? Maybe once at chess when I was in high school and I was dating that snooty chick from the chess team. Maybe then I moved one of those horsey pieces in an "L" pattern that featured an extra space so I could establish a check mate that I couldn't get otherwise.

And maybe I made out with her kid sister in the shed behind the pool.

But, ask her kid sister... I never cheated on her.

Of course I never actually dated her.

He also has a Four Brothers poster that has Spiro Agnew's name written over some dude's eyes.

Some dude? Some dude? That's Mark Wahlberg! Marky Mark! Star of such films as Boogie Nights and The Big Hit.

Get your facts straight before you write something on the internet!
[EDIT: after inspecting the poster I noticed that "Elvis Presley" is written over Marky Mark's eyes. "Spiro Agnew" is actually written on 'some dude.'

Isn't that weird? And what's with the Tarot Card Barbie and this obsession with Baby Huey.

Even I don't have an answer for this. Perhaps this website has become entangled in a web of Baby Huey. Maybe we shall never see the light again. Maybe we will be stuck in time. Like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day we will be forced to live the same nonsense again and again. Then if we do break away from our PCs we will roam the country with no purpose, just like Bill Murray in Broken Flowers. Or maybe we could have an elephant like that movie Bill Murray did with that elephant.

I love Bill Murray.

I hate him and I hope he gets run over by a steam roller and I hope someone drops a piano on his head. I also hope that the Simple Life gets renewed for a fifth season. Frasier, too. Unless that isn't on the air anymore. Furthermore I think taxes should be lowered and we need stop the double dipping.

Finally this starts to make perfect sense. I loved that episode of Frasier where Bill Murray was chasing that groundhog! Then Frasier's brother was acting all gay and then Frasier's dad said "stop being such a pansy" then Cliff and Norm thought he was talking to them so they went and did the voices for Pixar movies.

That was a great show.

Bottom line, don't love him even though he is an outlaw and ladies love outlaws like babies love stray dawgs.

Words to live by.

Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure Part 6

PART 6.

AKA What was the deal with the Four Brothers poster.


In getting to the bottom of Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure we inadvertently may have gotten to the top of a greater mystery: The Four Brothers poster.

I am sure when you thought of the offices of bunchojunk.com you pictured them as plush, ornate corporate surroundings. A place where misshapen dollar store action figures were discussed by a water cooler in the same breath as the latest news on the war on terror.

Or maybe you pictured some dude living in his mom's basement.

Either way, what you got was quite different.

It is something that deserves an explanation.

But, I won't be providing you with one.

I will give you some more facts to ponder:

FACT #1:
I have never seen the movie Four Brothers. Initially, I thought it was a sequel to the tiger flick Two Brothers, but when I found out it was not, I lost interest.

FACT #2:
The whole tiger flick thing was a joke. Still, I never saw the movie Four Brothers.

FACT #3:

Taped atop the poster are reprints of letters either sent or received by Marty McFly in the film series Back to the Future. Could this be a harbinger of things to come? Will I be fired from bunchojunk.com? Will I be shot by Lybian terrorists? Will I learn the correct definition of the word harbinger?

I don't know.

Fact #4

The poster also contains the names of several classic movie stars and one Vice President of the United States who resigned in disgrace. Why?
Why are the eyes of the four brothers covered up? Is this a sign? Does it mean something?

How dark the sin of bunchojunk.com?

Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure Part 5

After the debacle that was the last post, I promised you a real actual review of Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure.

I do not intend to disappoint.



With a copy of the DVD in my hot little hands I sit here at the keyboard ready, willing and able to tell ya all about this disc.

For starters, it's light. Lighter than some of my other DVDs. Perhaps this is because it doesn't have any insert in the case. Maybe the sadness and loneliness felt by the disc due to living the existence of a loner is not enough to counter the lack of an insert. Maybe the heaviness of his heart does not make up for the hollowness of his soul... Maybe I am streeeeettttccchhing to make sure I can fill up a whole page with this review.

Maybe.

The DVD comes with a slightly different cover than the video cover that I posted at the top of the page.

Slightly different... but no better.


As far as smell, this disc is pretty fantastic. It has that new plastic smell that makes ya feel a little dizzy.

Let me take another whiff.

Whoa Nelly! That's some good disc.


As far as taste, I would have to say it's not very good. In fact, it's awful. Very bland, yet it leaves an aftertaste. It does have a faint buttery taste... or maybe thats baby powder.



I took off the bandanna.


In closing, I would have to say that Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure is a fine DVD. It has nice cover art AND full color artwork on the disc. It also features a write up on the back that appears to be free of typos.

I recommend this disc to anyone that is in the market for a disc.