The Worst Photo Ever

Take a look at that. Aside from my face being digitally covered, it is a pretty good photo.

However, under that white box lies something so horrific that mere mortals tremble at the very sight of it.

It is the worst photo ever.

This was taken at a charity walk. That is me in the center, flanked by two Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders. Don't they look fantastic?

I look pretty good, too. Sure, I am wearing sweatpants, but I was walking for charity.

What could possibly be so bad about my face in this photo?

Please remove small children and anyone with a heart condition from the room.

Take a look.

I have no idea why I made THAT face!

Did the cheerleaders just break wind?
That would explain it, but I don't think so.
Did an old lady just knee me in the groin and then take my photo?
Possibly, but I think I would remember that.
Did someone make a sassy comment leading me to say "oh snap" and the photographer merely captured me as I uttered "oh?"
Perhaps, but I doubt it.

This is the WORST PHOTO EVER.

I know that there are some pretty vile photos in existence. Wars have been captured on film, blood and destruction have been photographed and I bet somewhere, someone is taking a picture of the horrible sight of an innocent child buying into a worthless mutual fund.

Still, this is EVEN WORSE.

My Wacky Cup Collection

I love souvenir cups. If the large is a quarter less than the SUPER LARGE. My decision is usually made solely on the cup.

Most of the time the GIGANTIC soda is served in a plastic cup that you can save for future generations.

In addition, every gift shop of every building I have ever been in has at least one coffee mug for sale. I have a weakness for glassware and I am not ashamed to admit it.

Let’s take a look at a few gems from my collection:


The Nixon and Elvis mug
Purchased at the gift shop of the Richard Nixon Library, this mug could easily have been purchased at Graceland. But, I ask you "Where else on God's green earth could one obtain such a thing?"
I have spent many a morning sipping a cup of Joe from this mug and I must say that I don't know what makes me MORE ready to face the day: the coffee or the mugs of The King and The President that I see on this mug. I should drink Mug root beer from this mug as I look at their mugs as I get mugged.
I would make a Harry Potter "muggle" reference here, but I'm just too lazy to think of one.


Minority Women of Enron cup
I know, "Minority Women of Enron cup" sounds like the coolest soccer match ever staged, but it's not. It’s just a red cup.
I bought this on eBay as a way to remember the Enron collapse. It seems triple depressing to me at this point. Imagine the defaulters that minority women face in the business world. Then multiply it by 10 and you can imagine what it might be like to be a minority woman who lost their job due to the Enron collapse.
Still, it's a pretty red color and that makes me happy.


Dwayne Hickman's Fancy mug
Dwayne Hickman was TV's Dobie Gillis. Today he is an artist and this cup proves it. This is a fine mug. Extra tall and good for coffee OR soda OR spitting chewing tobacco into.
Dwayne was giving these away at an art event I attended last year. It showcases several of the beautiful paintings that I couldn't afford.


Spaceship Earth
It's pretty obvious that I got this at Epcot in Walt Disney World. I don't have a unique story about it, but I do love it.
It has a handle in the back that makes it a surprisingly small container for your favorite drink. Still, the Spaceship Earth cup isn't here to help with thirst quenching it is here to make people jealous that THEY don't have one.
I DARE you to tell me that you AREN'T jealous of this one!
If you can do that then I DARE you to send me $50.


My Fake Dunkin' Donuts cup
I know it LOOKS like an ordinary Styrofoam coffee cup, but it is not! It is only pretending to be one. In fact is molded from fine plastic and will be around for many years to come.
They still sell these at Dunkin' Donuts so go see for yourself so you don't spend your time wondering if I am just lying and showing you a picture of an old Styrofoam cup.


The Congaloosh Moose
A small but memorable mug, this is a rendering of the talking moose head on the wall at Pleasure Island's Adventure's Club. Located in Walt Disney World Florida, the club is actually a bar that features wacky shows every half hour or so.
The moose cup has been discontinued I am told, and that is truly a shame.
It holds very little beverage and it is difficult to hold. It has no handle and so you are left trying to grip it by his antlers. Unfortunately they are made of rubber and they bend.


Pirate Book Cup
I found this in a Suncoast that was going out of business. I think it cost a quarter. It's a character from the Macaulay Culkin animated/live action film The Pagemaster.
I don't drink from it; I really just needed someone to keep the moose company.


The Westin Bonaventure
This cup is shaped like a famous Los Angeles hotel, the Westin Bonaventure. The hotel has been seen in a number of films including the climatic ending of In The Line of Fire.
At the very top floor there is a bar/restaurant called the Bonanvista Lounge. It is circular with huge glass windows providing an amazing view of the city. The lounge even rotates.
The restaurant was the setting for the 1980s sitcom 'It's a Living' starring Ann Jillian.
They sell this glass along with about a dozen other wacky glasses in the shape of cowboy boots and movie cameras. The drinks can be quite strong, and since the room is already spinning it can be tough to know when you had enough to drink.
If you go there, buy me one of the glasses shaped like the state of California. I'd go myself, but I am not allowed back.
Curse you wacky glasses!

The Slipper Flower

Oh look it's the "Yellow Lady Slipper!"
You can find it only in the moist woods. Make sure and bring a towel.
In my life I have only known two people that wear slippers. My grandma and the guy who painted the den.
Grandma wore a pair that were old and worn out. The painter was simply old and worn out. I think he wore the slippers to keep paint off his sneakers.
I don't know much about this page. Is it real? Is it some kind of fairy tale? Is it an ad for slippers? I'll never know. Sure I could do a Google search and find out, but then I wouldn't have any mystery in my life.

The Coloring Book Main Page

Planet Hollywood: Atlantic City

I don't like Atlantic City.

It is really cool that you can see street signs for exciting places you know from Monopoly, but if you actually GO to "Saint James Place" all you'll likely find is a vagrant peeing on a wall.

I'd rather just stay home and play the game.

Plus, that way I get to be a wheelbarrow.



Still, there are some good things about Atlantic City and at the top of that list is Planet Hollywood.

I LOVE PLANET HOLLYWOOD.

I have been to a whole bunch of them: NYC, Niagara Falls, Orlando... uh... maybe I have only been to three.

This one is located right on the boardwalk among the casinos, fast food joints and shops where you can buy 3 T-Shirts for $10 and still feel like you were ripped off.

On my last visit I was overjoyed to see Mr. Hollywood!



Looking like the bastard child of Mr. Met and Willie Wonka, Mr. Hollywood stood at the door waving people inside.

I was so excited I jumped next to him for a photo.

The illusion was ruined however since I could hear "Mr. Hollywood" cursing in Spanish to someone over a headset.

Perhaps this wasn't Mr. Hollywood at all! Maybe it was his evil twin Senor El Segundo.

The food is a notch better than diner fare, but where else can you eat pizza underneath Spock's ears?


I would bet this is the only chain that offers that experience.

Here is a haiku I wrote on the subject.

The Spock Ears Haiku:

Atlantic City, gamble gamble
Where else do you get to sit by lobes?
Lobes of Spock
El Segundo?
8-6-7-5-3-0-9
Cranberry sauce

I just remembered that I never learned how to write a haiku. I am sorry to have wasted everyone’s time.

Speaking of time wasters, as your order is being filled; this restaurant has a fun puzzle on the menu. There are a few dozen celebrity "high school yearbook" photos and you have to guess who they are.

I personally loved the photos of Jennifer Garner and Wesley Snipes.

I was pleased to know that I would have had a shot with Jennifer Garner back then. I was equally pleased to know that Wesley wouldn't have a shot.

One of the trademark features of Planet Hollywood is large movie vehicles hanging from the ceiling. Atlantic City is no exception.

My favorite is the gold coffin vehicle from 'The Munsters.'

They call it 'The Dragula.'

All in all, the place is pretty ordinary when it comes to Planet Hollywood, but it is still worth a visit if you are in town. Don't look for the vagrant on Saint James Place, however, he heard that he might have a shot with Jennifer Garner and is currently hitchhiking to L.A.

The Hulk Hogan Dog

When I watched 'Toy Story' for the first time I was struck by what a cool idea it was. Toys that can talk and display emotions! How awesome.

Then I saw the Hulk Hogan dog.

Now I say "THANK GOD IT WAS JUST A MOVIE."

Could you imagine the embarrassment that this stuffed animal would feel for looking like that? Poor stuffed Hogan. With his absurd mustache and sunglasses that are sewn to his head.

It's just as well since underneath he has no eyeballs. I checked.

I also checked under his trunks. Maybe I’m the one that should be embarrassed.

bunchojunk.com's October Surprise

Surprise! O.K., I bet you aren't surprised.

You are probably more confused. But, "October Confusion" isn't catchy.

Anyway, welcome to the bunchojunk.com October Festival of Surprises! (Eeek! I thought "October Confusion" WASN'T catchy!) Here we have a handful of articles about surprises, being surprised and anything even remotely connected to surprises.

Instead of presenting these one at a time, I figured I would present a few weeks worth at once. This way you can either read them all at once, or read a few and come back a few times to read the rest. It's up to you.





















Pace yourself. Don't overdose on surprises.