Yahoo Serious

Remember Yahoo Serious? Neither do I. To be truthful, I am not sure I even WANT to remember him. But, I feel the need to give y'all something to read today and this is the best I could do.

So grab a glass of raspberry milk and sharpen your #1 pencils (that's right NUMBER ONE pencils! Lets give those self righteous #2 pencils a run for their money!) I never finished the last sentence because I got off on that #2 pencils thing. I have no idea what I was originally going to write.

Yahoo Serious was born July 27 1953 under the name Greg Pead. That name is even stupider that Yahoo. Can you imagine what would have happened if he had become famous with that name?

SCENERIO #1: (with the name Greg Pead)
Greg walks down 5th Avenue in New York. MAN #1 spots him.
MAN #1: Look! Greg Pead on 5th Avenue!
MAN #2: What! Some guy peed on 5th Avenue! That is an outrage
COP: Greg, you are going to jail for public urination.

SCENERIO #2 (with the name Yahoo Serious)
Yahoo walks down 5th Avenue in New York. He spots MAN #1.
YAHOO: Hey I just peed on 5th Avenue.
MAN #1: Are you serious?
YAHOO: Yes, Yahoo SERIOUS.
Man #1 punches Yahoo in the face.

SCENERIO #3 (with the name Edward Norton)
Ed walks down 5th Avenue in New York. He spots MAN #1.
ED: Hey I just peed on 5th Avenue.
MAN #1: Are you Ed Norton?
ED: Yes.
MAN #1: The one from 'Fight Club' or 'The Honeymooners'?
ED: Both
MAN #1: Let's go punch Yahoo Serious in the face.


SCENERIO #4 (with the name Mr. I. Peeonthestreet)
Mr. I walks down 5th Avenue in New York. He spots MAN #1.
Mr. I: Jeez, this is getting lame.
MAN #1: Lame like 'Fight Club' or 'The Honeymooners'?
Mr. I: I don't know, I don't watch PBS.
MAN #1: Do you know where I can get a good hot dog around here?
Mr. I: Are you hitting on me?
MAN #1: Yes, I am.


Anyway, Yahoo changed his name in 1980. He is an Australian film maker. He is best known for his 1988 film, Young Einstein. He wrote, directed, produced and starred in that film as well as his two other features, 1993's Reckless Kelly and 2000's Mr. Accident.

Yahoo was born in Hunter Valley, New South Wales in Australia. As a youth he worked as a tire fitter to pay his art school tuition.

I am not sure what a tire fitter does. I assume they fit tires, but I needed to be sure. So I went to www.tire-fitter.com. I learned nothing.

Yahoo was expelled from art school but rebounded by making his first film at age 21. It was a documentary called Coaltown which explored the social and political history of coal mining, hilarity ensued.

The next year he had a television series called Lifestyle. It won something called the Australian Penguin Award for Best Educational Documentary.

The Australian Penguin Award is now my 6th favorite 'Penguin thing'.

1. Nuns
2. The flightless bird
3. The Batman villain
4. The 1950's doo wop band
5. The Pittsburgh Penguins
6. The Australian Penguin Award

Serious' big hit, 'Young Einstein', was an intentionally inaccurate movie featuring Albert Einstein as a young Tasmanian farmer who created rock music. The movie grossed over $26 million.

Serious waited until 1993 to release his next film, Reckless Kelly, a farce about Australian bank robber 'Ned Kelly'. The film was a hit in his native land, but failed elsewhere. It could be that the wait between films caused audiences to forget the outlandish man from down under. After another long hiatus, in 2000, Serious released a film called 'Mr. Accident’; it was about a guy who is accident prone.

In August of 2000, Serious sued search engine Yahoo! for trademark infringement. The case was quickly thrown out.

Despite a fall from the mainstream in the U.S., Serious has remained a star in Australia.

The motto of this story is: STAY OUT OF AUSTRAILIA!

The Apple Switch Girl AKA beep beep beep beep beep

Back in 2002 Apple computer ran a series of ads where ordinary people would say why they SWITCHed from PCs to Apple computers.

One ad stood out, the one starring a quirky teenager named Ellen Feiss.


The ad featured Ellen in front of a white background. Ellen told a story about how she was writing a paper on a PC but the computer started to go "beep beep beep beep beep" and then she went "eh?" and then like half her paper was gone. Then she had to write it again but she wrote it real fast and so it wasn't as good. She said it was kind of a "bummer".

The commercial works for many reasons. First of all, most PC users HAVE had similar experiences (except for the "beep beep beep beep beep" part) and Ellen has a charm to her.

Within a few days of the first airing of the spot Ellen became a cult phenomenon on the web. Legions of "stoners", who mistakenly assumed she was high, acclaimed her as a hero. Thousands of parody ads appeared on message boards and websites.

Ellen was approached by both Letterman and Leno to appear on the show, but turned both of them down. She was also contacted by the makers of "Shallow Hal" for some possible film work that never materialized.

Her fifteen minutes of fame were powerful, even getting a mention in “Fox Trot”. Sure, a mention in “Fox Trot” is not as good as a mention in “Ziggy” but what is?

Interestingly, Ellen got the Switch commercial by accident.

She showed up to watch some other Apple spots with a friend who happened to be the director's son. Since there were some open spots, Ellen ended up recording a commercial herself.

Ellen also did another commercial that was not aired. This was for the Apple G4.
It was a good commercial, but it did not have the pizzazz of the FIRST spot. This leads me to an important question: What happened to her computer that caused it to go “beep beep beep beep” and devour half of her really good paper?

I was determined to find out so I started to fool around with my own PC. I typed a really good paper and hoped that it would 'devour' it.

Then I stared at the screen for about an hour waiting for it to do so. Soon I begin to get really sleepy. I dozed off and was awakened by the same “beep beep beep beep” sound Ellen heard. I sat up and looked at the screen and HALF OF THE PAPER WAS GONE.
Maybe Ellen did the same thing I did, pass out on the “backspace” button. The beeping of the stuck key woke her up before the whole thing was gone.

Like Ellen, I had to rewrite the second half of my paper. My paper is this article. The rewrite isn’t very good, but neither was the original.

Yahoo! reviews the UA Movies at Market Fair 10

Princeton New Jersey is famous for many things. It is home to one of the most famous learning institutions in the world, it was the home of President Grover Cleveland and it is home to the UA Movies at Market Fair 10.

It is a fairly ordinary movie theater located in a nice average shopping mall but that is not what Yahoo! would have you believe.

On December 30, 2004 a Yahoo user posted a review under the title "Poor Snacks". This caught my eye because "Poor Snacks" was my hip hop name back when I used to hang with the Wu Tang Clan.


A Yahoo! user is actually anyone who goes to the Yahoo! website and posts a review, so this isn't Yahoo!'s official position on the theater. This user gave the theater 2 stars.
Let's take a look at the review:

Poor Snacks
by A Yahoo! User from Pennington, NJ
12/30/04
The theaters are to small and it has horrible snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy and they are bad candies.

I don't know why, but this cracked me up. Perhaps it's that the author wrote "to small" instead of "too small", maybe it is the obsession to candy who knows.

As the hip hop master Poor Snacks I decided to pen a little rap about it.

Yo! The snacks are poor but I want more
Gimme some candy or show me the door
Don't waste my time with small theater hype
Just gimme candy- more than five types
But if your candy selection is limited and bad
you gonna make the mighty Poor Snacks mad
Then it's DANGER call the RANGER I'm full of ANGER
I'd rather stay home and watch "The Banger-
Sisters" starring Susan Sarandon
Then go to your theater, cause the candies is DONE!

Yeah, I still got skills.

Anyway, I am inclined to agree with the "to small" theater comment EVEN with the grammatical error. Most theaters have gone from nice big movie house to tiny screen multiplexes in the past 20 years or do. Still, the criticism of the snack situation makes me laugh.

I got a bigger laugh when a follow up review was posted by another Yahoo! user a month later. This one gave the theater a maximum rating of 5 stars and said the following:

Good Snacks
by A Yahoo! User from Pennington, NJ
01/11/05
The theaters are to big and it has good snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy but they are tasty candies.

I LOVE IT!!! A solid, dead on, parody that would make Weird Al Yankovic cringe with envy! Look at them side by side:

#1: The theaters are to small and it has horrible snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy and they are bad candies.
#2: The theaters are to big and it has good snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy but they are tasty candies.

About a month later a new review was posted reading:

Mediocre Snacks
by A Yahoo! User from Penningon, NJ
The theaters are just the right size and it has mediocre snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy but they are average candy.

This was a great sequel to the original parody. This time the user was from Penningon (rather than Pennington) I assume this was a typo since Penningon is actually not a town in New Jersey, rather a delicious pasta and steak dish.
This user gave the theater 3 stars out of five. Now the floodgates were open and silliness ensued.

The next review read:

Moist Snacks
by A Yahoo! User
02/09/05
The theaters are to damp and it has wet snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy but they are liquid covered candies.

Sure it's a bit bizarre and esoteric, but they managed to bring back the misuse of the word "to", that was refreshing!

On Valentine's Day another review followed:

Too dark
by A Yahoo! User
02/14/05
The theaters are dark, but not tooo dark and it has dark chockolate snacks, it only has like 5 types of dark chockolates but they are certainly dark enough. The theatre runs commedies, but only dark commedies.

There is a flash of brilliance in this review as well as the reviewer added an EXTRA 'o' to the word 'too' rather than dropping one. Way to think outside the box.

A few days later this one appeared:

No Snacks
by A Yahoo! User
02/23/05
The theaters to nice and it has some snacks, it has at least 5 types of candy but I am diabetic.

Then this one:

Lacks snacks
by A Yahoo! User from Pennington NJ
03/01/05
The theater is a good value but it has horrible snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy and they are bad candies.

Sadly the genre was becoming a bit old. Only the simple rhyming of the title makes this one interesting.
A day later this was posted:

Whack Snacks
by A Yahoo! User
03/02/05
The theaters are to dope, but it has whack snacks, it only has like 5 types of candy and they are ill candies.

I liked this one because it reminded me of my hip hop roots but still, the horse seemed dead and there seemed to be no reason to beat it.

However before the week was over the entire concept had been reevaluated:

Great Movie Place
by Omar from Tunisia
03/07/05
Cow not needed
I do not understand the nitpicky reviews others have given this movie place. I think the movie place is best. In my country we most sit in hot rooms and project movie onto white cow. People should be more happy with what they have. However, sometimes I would like white chocolate.

Thank you Omar, you have breathed life into a tired gag. God bless you.
The next review read:

I Like Grape Jelly
by A Yahoo! user
03/08/05
This is a good theater, it reminds me of grape jelly. Welch’s makes good grape jelly, but they do not make a good apple jelly. So I decided to make my own recipe:
Apple Jelly
4 cups apple juice (about 3 pounds tart apples and 3 cups water)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
3 cups sugar
To prepare juice: Select one-fourth slightly under ripe and three-fourths ripe apples. Wash apples; remove stem and blossom ends; do not peel or core. Cut apples into small pieces. Add water; cover ; bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat; simmer 20 to 25 minutes or until apples are soft. Strain juice through a damp jelly bag or several layers of cheese cloth.
To make jelly: Put apple juice in a large saucepot. Add lemon juice and sugar, stirring to dissolve sugar. Boil over high heat, stirring constantly, to 8 degrees F above the boiling point of water or until jelly mixture sheets from a spoon. Remove from heat. Skim foam if necessary. Ladle hot jelly into hot, sterilized jars, leaving 1/4th inch headspace. Adjust two-piece caps. process 5 minutes in a boiling water canner.
Yield: about 4 half-pints

Mysteriously this review VANISHED just a day later! What had happened? Had the reviewer rescinded the review? Did Yahoo! think someone was pulling their leg? Do the powerful forces at Welch’s block any attempt at someone getting a good jelly recipe to the public? I don't know.

What I do know is that a review appeared a few days later:

Where is Brooke Shields
by A Yahoo! User from Princeton, NJ
03/18/05
I heard Brooke Shields went to Princeton. I went to this theater and I didn't see her! That was a bummer. I only go out like five times a year and that was a bad time. But I liked the candy.

Then this one:

Bocados pobres
by A Yahoo! User from Hopewell, NJ
03/18/05
Los teatros están a pequeño y tiene bocados horribles, tiene solamente como 5 tipos de caramelo y son malos caramelos.

This was basically the original "Poor Snacks" review translated to Spanish.

The next review was:

Chairs Too Comfortable
by Paul Dennis from Trenton
03/18/05
I am writing to complain about the chairs in this theater. They are far too comfortable. I was with my girlfriend watching Oceans Eleven for the 23rd time (or was it the 24th time? I lost count after 15) and I found myself getting very drousy. At first I thought it was the pork chops and apple pie I ate before coming to the film but then I realized it had to be something else. Once I was in Greece and I met this guy who told me that.... Im sorry; I'm getting off the subject. Back to the complaint. Well, Im watching Oceans Eleven; you know, the part where Russell Crowe is fighting that guy with the nunchucks in the Arena. By the way, he totally didn't impress me in that role. The sword he was using in the movie was actually from a different historical time period and his belt was not made of real camel skin. Everyone knows that Gladiator's belts are made of real camel skin. So, I'm sitting in the movie and this guy in front of my starts whispering to his kid. He's like telling his kid the whole plot of the movie. So I lean over and say..."excuse me sir; there are other people trying to watch this movie". He turns around and says... Oh, I apologize, I'll try to keep it down". Can you believe that guy? Some people have real nerve!!!!! By the way; you guys only have like 5 snacks and no sugar daddys.

Hysterical.

Then this one appeared:

Hungry Hungry Hippos!!
by Zeus McGillapuddin from Vernfield Village, Alabamasville, Texastown, Virginiasberg, Detroit
03/25/05
Did you ever have the feeling you were being watched? I have a feeling that movies feel that way a lot. I have had the pleasure of watching 4 quality productions at this facility and am quite please with the service. The persons at the counter are very friendly and the carpets are red. You could cook on the bathroom floors.... they are that clean! I made bacon and french toast in there last time I went to see a movie. I would probably give this theater a rating of 3 out of 4. Generally I give a 6 but Brook Sheilds wasn't there and they only had like 5 candies.

Great call backs to some of the earlier reviews and a mention of the "like 5 candies" I give this review 5 stars!

The most recent review is as follows:

Theatre or theater
by Sir Heman Thurmond from Princeton NJ
04/04/05
I have heard some people call this a "movie theater" it is not! It is a "film theater". The difference should be obvious to anyone born in Princeton. I had an excellent time at this theater (watching a FILM by the way) and I liked the experience. I also found the popcorn to be a bit "null and void" if you will, but by and by it was all spendiferous! Touchee good man, touchee!

Touchee indeed.

You can read all the reviews or post you own by clicking here.

The bunchojunk.com MLB Quiz

Time to throw the old horsehide. Draw the chalk lines. Swing the ol’ Louisville Slugger. These expressions are used to describe two major events popular with men everywhere: the baseball season and murdering one’s mother-in-law. Today, let’s stick to baseball.

What follows is a quiz. The quiz is not designed to actually test your knowledge of baseball. It has been designed simply to allow me to write short sentences with lots of space between them to give the reader the illusion that they read more than I have actually written.

Enjoy.


1) What happens at the end of the famous poem “Casey at the Bat”?
a. Casey strikes out
b. Casey hits a homerun
c. Casey becomes addicted to opium and runs away with the daughter of a Chinese railroad worker.



2) What is the “Cy Young Award” named for?
a. A famous baseball pitcher
b. A brand of baseball
c. The words that appeared on Connie Mack’s typewriter after a drunken Babe Ruth slept on it



3) Which of the following cities does NOT have a Major League team?
a. Las Vegas
b. Anaheim
c. Pittsburgh, Milwaukee and Kansas City (come on, admit it)



4) What does “RBI” mean?
a. Run batted in
b. Running the bases inside
c. Ruth Buzzi In the hizzi!



5) George W. Bush was once was part owner of a Major League Baseball team. Which one?
a. The Texas Rangers
b. The San Diego Padres
c. The Texis Rungers (Get it? Because he’s supposed to be stupid and thus may have misspelled the name of his OWN team! Har dee har har!)



6) Which President did not own a professional baseball team?
a. Warren G. Harding (part owner of a minor league team in Ohio)
b. Bob President (not a U.S. President, just a guy with the LAST NAME President)
c. George Bush – but he was too stupid to realize he owned it because he is not smart! Har dee har har! (Sorry, I have been stealing my jokes from The Tonight Show lately)



7) Sparky Anderson is the name of:
a. An outstanding baseball manager with three World Series wins to his name
b. One of ‘The Little Rascals’
c. Paris Hilton’s dog



8) Shea Stadium, home of the NY Mets, is named for:
a. William Shea, the famous attorney
b. The anagram “Seats Have Extra Ass-room”
c. That’s an acronym, not an anagram, you idiot



9) Actor Paul Giamatti is the son of former Baseball Commissioner Bart Giamatti:
a. True
b. False
c. Let me apologize for using the word “ass” among the answers for the last question. It is a rather crass word and one I try not to use on this site. Still, after weighing the potential comedy in that answer I decided it was worth it.
Also, let me apologize for the two answers that mocked the President of the United States. It is clearly in poor taste to do so. I thought that adding the “har dee har har” it would make the line work two ways; as a joke mocking the President and mocking those who mock the President. Instead it just made me sound like a dork.



10. Which of the following was NEVER the name of the St. Louis Cardinals Franchise?
a. The St. Louis Can opener salesmen
b. The St. Louis Brown Stockings
c. The St. Louis Perfectos


_____________________________________________________________________________

SCORING: The correct answer was “a.” for all 10 questions. If you answered anything else, just lie about it.

What's a motto?

If you read the title to this article and thought "nothing, what's a motto with you?" then you are as clever as I. Or we both spent waaaaaay too much time watching Rocky and Bullwinkle on TV.

Every US state has an official motto. Often, NO ONE knows what it is. Not even the people who live there. Even people that think they know the motto usually don't. They usually confuse the state's nickname or song or even some blurb off the state license plate as an actual motto.

To put you on the cutting edge I have decided to share the mottos with you. I also shared the Rocky and Bullwinkle thing so you are double blessed!

Alabama: Audemus jura nostra defendere (We dare defend our rights)

Good old Alabama. Threatening people with their slogan! God bless them. I should note that many of the slogans are not in English. This was to insure that they would be EVEN more boring.

Alaska: North to the Future

What? It sounds like Peter North's version of Back to the Future. Very odd. North? What does that mean? I know Alaska is 'north' of the mainland United States. Does that make the mainland the FUTURE? Way to go Alabama! No wonder you are so busy defending yourself! You ARE the future.

Arizona: Ditat Deus (God enriches)

And so does the Wonder Bread company.

Arkansas: Regnat populus (The people rule)

I have been there. Wal-Mart rules. Get used to it.

California: Eureka (I have found it)

There’s gold in them there teeth!

Colorado: Nil sine Numine (Nothing without Providence)

Since Providence is in RHODE ISLAND, Colorado is officially NOTHING!

Connecticut: Qui transtulit sustinet (He who transplanted still sustains)

Wow, this seems more like a scavenger hunt clue than a motto.
He who transplanted still sustains, and Carmen Sandiego is hiding in a dark room with lots of tuna.

Delaware: Liberty and independence
Florida: In God we trust

A couple of standard ones here. Any less creative and they would have just gone with the word "motto" as their motto. If I were Delaware I would change the motto to "GOLDENPALACE.COM". That would raise some quick cash.
Florida should just be honest and change theirs to "When you can't vacation in California or Hawaii, come here."

Georgia: Wisdom, justice, and moderation
Hawaii: Ua Mau Ke Ea O Ka Aina I Ka Pono (The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness)
Idaho: Esto perpetua (It is forever)
Illinois: State sovereignty, national union

There are a few winners here. Hawaii made theirs read like a badly traslated fortune cookie.
Idaho just wanted to make sure they never had to go through the whole motto process again.
Still, Illinois stands out because theirs sound like the name of my bank.

Indiana: The Crossroads of America

Indiana dares to dream big. Or they were big fans of the Britney Spears film or the Ralph Macchio film. Or, hopefully, both.

Iowa: Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain
Kansas: Ad astra per aspera (To the stars through difficulties)
Kentucky: United we stand, divided we fall
Louisiana: Union, justice, and confidence
Maine: Dirigo (I lead)

Iowa is concerned about liberties and rights. Kansas on the other hand is more concerned with the "difficulties" of the "stars". Kansas is the People Magazine of states.
Also, if you ever dance with someone from Maine, expect them to lead.
Maryland: Fatti maschii, parole femine (Manly deeds, womanly words)
I LOVE this one! It sounds like it is describing someone who is reading poetry with a mouth FULL of chewing tobacco. Also I like the way it looks in Latin (or what ever language that is): Fatti maschii, parole femine. I think I went to school with Fatti Maschii. Nice girl, but she smelled funny. Kinda like Play-do. As for Parole Femine, I think that was the name of a French 'women in prison' flick. I never saw it.

Massachusetts: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem (By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty)
Michigan: Si quaeris peninsulam amoenam circumspice (If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look around you)

I wish that Michigan ended theirs with "you idiot." That would be awesome.

Minnesota: L'Étoile du Nord (The North Star)

Now starring in North to the Future.

Mississippi: Virtute et armis (By valor and arms)
Missouri: Salus populi suprema lex esto (The welfare of the people shall be the supreme law)
Montana: Oro y plata (Gold and silver)
Nebraska: Equality before the law

The last few mottos are only interesting to those that live there, those who like gold and silver and Judge Dredd. Remember, he IS the law.

Nevada: All for Our Country
New Hampshire: Live free or die
New Jersey: Liberty and prosperity
New Mexico: Crescit eundo (It grows as it goes)

I am glad to see that both New Mexico and Chia Pets share a motto.

New York: Excelsior (Ever upward)
North Carolina: Esse quam videri (To be rather than to seem)

Is it just me, or could these mottos also be quotes from a kung fu movie?

North Dakota: Liberty and union, now and forever: one and inseparable
Ohio: With God all things are possible
Oklahoma: Labor omnia vincit (Labor conquers all things)
Oregon: Alis volat Propriis (She flies with her own wings)

Oregon was sniffing airplane glue and listing to Frank Zappa when they made their motto.

Pennsylvania: Virtue, liberty, and independence
Rhode Island: Hope
South Carolina: Animis opibusque parati (Prepared in mind and resources) and Dum spiro spero (While I breathe, I hope)

South Carolina was not satisfied with just ONE, they have TWO. They eve one up Rhode Island by not just having "hope" but "breathing".

South Dakota: Under God the people rule
Tennessee: Agriculture and Commerce
Texas: Friendship
Utah: Industry
Vermont: Vermont, Freedom and Unity

Vermont was smart enough to include the word "Vermont" IN their motto. I bet the rest of them wished they thought of that!

Virginia: Sic semper tyrannis (Thus always to tyrants)
Washington: Al-Ki (Indian word meaning “by and by”)
West Virginia: Montani semper liberi (Mountaineers are always free)

Yikes! I better go get my Mountaineer in West Virginia! I paid over 25 grand on a used one (but it has a sweet CD player.)

Wisconsin: Forward
Wyoming: Equal rights

So there you have it. Every state motto I could find without looking too hard. I hope you liked it.

Jim Abbott: The One Handed Pitcher

Jim Abbott was living proof that ANYONE can do ANYTHING. Or at least he’s proof that a guy with one hand can be a pretty good baseball player.

Jim Abbot was born without a right hand but loved to play baseball. He was good at it. In fact, he was so good that after play college ball Michigan he was call directly up to the California Angels without a single game in the minor leagues.

Jim’s jump to the starting rotation back in 1989 turned quite a few heads. Many felt that the movie was a publicity stunt and at the beginning of the season they seemed to be right.

His season had a very rocky start and he wasn’t winning like the team had hoped. He was doing so poorly he couldn’t have scored with Madonna.

Oh wait, that didn’t make sense. He was a pitcher; the BATTERS were trying to score. Let me try again:

He was doing so poorly that the batters he pitched at could have scored with Madonna.

Nah, it just doesn’t work. Sorry to have wasted your time.

Anyway, Jim played much better as time went on and ended up faring pretty well at the end of his rookie season.

Seeing Jim Abbott pitch was really a sight to behold. He wore his glove on the stump as he threw and then would quickly put it on his throwing hand after releasing the ball. This would be so he could field any balls that came his way

He had a wonderful season in 1991 when he won 18 games for the Angels. A year later he played for the Yankees and pitched a no-hit game. This put him in, what is called, pitching's second highest "club". I assume that the highest club is either ‘pitchers who have thrown a perfect game’ or ‘guys who Pete Rose didn’t bet on’.

He was a solid pitcher until in 1996. That year he posted a pathetic 2-18, 7.48 ERA. Still, how many guys do you know that could pull off that record in the majors with 2 hands?

Today Jim works as a motivational speaker and tells people to cut their hands off to help their pitching. Sometimes, if there is a one legged guy in the crowd he will challenge him to a butt kicking contest.

One final note: Jim played most of his games in the American Leagues where they have the ‘designated hitter rule’ that means that pitchers have a guy to hit for them (especially if they have had too much to drink.) Still Jim did have to bat 23 times. He would hold the bat with one hand at the plate. Amazingly he got two career hits. I can only hope the pitchers that surrendered them did the honorable thing and shot themselves in the head right there on the mound.