Millions of people visit Disney theme parks every year for many different reasons.
Some come for amusement park thrills. Other come to spend time with family. Others go because of contractual obligations regarding the outcome of the Superbowl.
I go for the Galactic Gobbler.
I know, most of you probably don't know what a "Galactic Gobbler" is.
Is it some kind of space rock?
Could it be that guy in the turkey costume that emerged from an egg at the WWF's Survivor Series ten years ago?
Is it the ACTUAL species clarification of McDonald's Grimace?
No, no and no.
It's a turkey leg.
Turkey legs are pretty common at the Disney parks. They are over-sized, salty and provide you with more meat than your average pet store dumpster.
The turkey legs are usually sold at carts throughout the park. Frontierland is a pretty good place to find one in the Magic Kingdom or Disneyland Park, but they have them somewhere at most Disney parks.
The Galactic Gobbler is the best of the bunch, however. It is available at the Launching Pad counter in Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom.
Yup, you gotta go to Tomorrowland to eat a hunk of turkey that makes you look like Fred Flintstone.
I get one every single time I travel to Tomorrowland.
But why do they call them Galactic Gobblers?
I needed to find out.
After scrambling the letters for 74 straight hours I realized that, if rearranged, they spell "Bobcat Cellar gig."
An extensive phone book search revealed two comedy clubs with the name "The Comedy Cellar."
I called both.
One, in Denver Colorado, did not hang up on me.
The lady who answered the phone there confirmed my suspicion:
Bobcat Goldwaith once had a show there.
Yup, he had a "Cellar gig."
The lady on the phone did not remember if his routine mentioned "turkey legs."
However, subsequent calls to Disney were met with a "how did you get this phone number?"
So I tried calling Bobcat Goldwaith. His number was unlisted, so I called up Carrot Top. We talked about turkey legs until the sun went down.
It was the worst night of my life.