Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback Donavan McNabb has two things going against him as he prepares for Sunday's Superbowl. First, his team is a 7 point underdog (I have no idea if that is true I just made it up. If you were looking for sports statistics you are in the wrong place.)
Second Donavan is in the shadow of Bubby Brister. In two VERY important categories Donavan McNabb finishes second to Bubby.
You may not remember Bubby. He was a journeyman quarterback that played in the NFL for 5 teams over fifteen years.
Bubby also edges out Donavan for THE WIMPIEST NAME IN FOOTBALL HISTORY.
Sure, you may not naturally associate "Donavan McNabb" with wimpy, but take a look at his name again.
DONAVAN MCNABB sounds like the name of the captain of the chess team, not the football team. Still, it is no match for Bubby's name.
"BUBBY BRISTER" That is not a typo. The man's name is BUBBY! It HAS to be the wimpiest in football history, and possibly in all of sports! This is truly saying something since many tough, hard as nails football players have been saddled with unassuming monikers.
Take Lynn Swann for example. He sounds like he should be a female podiatrist.
How about Orenthal Simpson? It sounds like an ointment for foot fungus. Even his nickname O.J. is hardly a "tough guy" name.
O.J. might possibly be the wimpiest of all juices, too. I bet pineapple and grape just mock orange juice all day. But not strawberry, he really doesn't have room to talk.
Nonetheless, no sports name can top Bubby Brister. It makes you wonder what kind of woman would give their son such a name.
THAT brings us to the SECOND list that Bubby tops Donavan, CRAZIEST MOM.
You may remember Bubby's mom, she would always sit somewhere towards the top of the stadium. The cameraman always found her and she ALWAYS wound up on TV.
Decked out in every piece of team memorabilia she could possibly wear, Bubby's mom would attract as much attention as possible to her son. She would hold signs, she would cheer, she would dance and she would give viewers some of the best TV in NFL history. She was truly a one of a kind fan.
This is not to say Donavan's mom is a slouch. On the contrary, she is a celebrity and her son's #1 booster.
Just about EVERYONE with a TV has seen her. She stars in a great series of Chunky soup ads, usually with Donavan.
Oddly enough, she wasn't the first choice to play herself. REALLY!!! For the first year that the commercials ran an actress played Donavan’s mom. Then, Donavan's mom Wilma McNabb lobbied for the job.
The commercials generally revolve around Wilma mothering Donavan and the rest of the team. In the current spot she knits gloves for the players and makes them Campbell's Chunky soup. The commercial ends with the players dumping a bucket of Gatorade on her. Sorta like a wet T-shirt contest. I sure found it sexy! If she wasn't married, I would be making my move at becoming Donavan's step dad.
Ahhhh, the love that will never be.
Anyway, I am sure Wilma will be cheering Donavan on Sunday as he tries NOT to finish second. Good thing Bubby isn't playing.