Sure, the weekend had been lots of fun. I had done some cool things, but I didn't see anyone go over the falls in a barrel.
Not wanting to research, I just assumed dudes were going over the falls in a barrel all the time. I thought so many barrels were popping down that you expected Donkey Kong to be standing at the top of the Falls.
Nope, that was not the case.
Luckily, at a tourist attraction, I found something that would change my life forever. Or at least help me fill up a few paragraphs of silliness.
A small booth was set up with a plastic barrel that you could be photographed in as you pretended to go over the Falls.
Even more exciting was a wall of photos of people who posed in the barrel.
The lady who worked the booth was quick to point out Tom Arnold:
Look at that! It's Tom Arnold! Star of... uh... I think he did a movie with Stallone called Eraser.
He also starred in one of the greatest films I have ever seen: The Stupids.
His co-star in The Stupids was Jessica Lundy, star of... uh... The Stupids.
It is Jessica Lundy that Tom Arnold is molesting in the photo.
If all I had seen on the wall at this booth was Tom Arnold going over Niagara Falls in a barrel as he groped Jessica Lundy I would have left very happy.
But, there was more.
Here is John Ritter:
Awesome. Even more impressive was the photo indicates that the fake barrel photo industry has been around for many years, and (other than a new logo on the barrel) they don't change much.
I asked if there were anymore celebrities. She said "no."
Then she said "except for this guy" and pointed to this photo:
Who is that? Well, that is a guy who impersonates John Travolta.
You know, I think that might be even cooler than the other two.
I own a picture of a picture of a guy who looks like another guy in a barrel pretending to be in a different barrel going down Niagara Falls.
I walked away then as the lady cursed me for not paying $7 to get my own photo taken. I didn't need to I had something much better.
Written by Guy Hutchinson