BMX Bandits: Part 3 - LET'S GET FOAMY

When we last left the BMX Bandits, bad guys were chasing Nicole Kidman because her and her friends had stolen a case of walkie-talkies (that the bad guys had planned to use for some kind of crime).
The kids were racing through a mall causing hysterical havoc.


This guy got a pie in the face.


Nicole & company then went to the police who told them to fight the bad guys themselves. This might be the dumbest scene I have ever seen in any movie... and I saw Shakespeare in Love.


At some point the bad guys chase the BMX Bandits through a water park.


Then the Bandits get all the kids in town to throw flour at the bad guys.


Then they sprayed some foam fertilizer on them. Somehow this movie turned into an episode of Double Dare in the last ten minutes.


So, the bad guys failed the "physical challenge" and they were sent home with a copy of the Double Dare home game. Then, the BMX Bandits opened a bike park. I hate bike parks. I took my bike to one and then I had to carry a plastic bag and "pick up" after the bike "did it's business."

Maybe that was a Muppet park. I do own a Muppet.



During the credits we get a warning. Not a warning about stealing things (like walkie-talkies) or spraying deadly foam fertilizer at people or even about shutting of the circuit before doing electrical work (see part 2) but about bike riding.

In conclusion. I hate BMX Bandits. I hate them so much. I hope they make a remake so I can hate that too.


Before we go, let me share this screen grab from the water park scene:

This kid went to the water park for a day of fun and it was captured on film forever.

And that boy would grow up to become Andre Agassi.

Cheers mate!

BMX Bandits: Part 2 - THE WRATH OF KIDMAN

When we last left the BMX Bandits they had giant radios and hearts of gold.

For some reason they went into a cemetery for about 4 hours. I swear, this movie is only 82 minutes, but I looked at my watch at the beginning of the cemetery scene and then at the end and 4 hours went by.

Also one of the bad guys had a Mr. Burns mask:

And this was years before The Simpsons debuted. It's hard to believe they have only been around for 30 or 40 years.

I am skipping the rest of the cemetery scene. They just get chased by bad guys and hide inside a grave. The images were so dark you could barely see anyway. Instead I suggest you bang your head against something metal and solid so you can simulate looking at the entire scene.


Time for some hilarity. This guy has a walkie-talkie. He is talking to a guy moving a large hunk of steel over a car.
Suddenly the BMX Bandits say "drop it" over THEIR walkie-talkie. Since they are on the same frequency the guy in the crane drops the steel beam on the car.


The car, apparently full of dynamite explodes.


This guy doesn't react at first, but then he sees the red light on the camera and...


Makes this face.


Then Kidman gets captured but breaks away by bashing someones skull in.


Knowing that the audience is saddened by the death of an unknown number of construction workers they producers give us a lighthearted bike romp through a mall.


Unfortunately the shenanigans cause this worker to be electrocuted.

So to recap:
1. A cemetery
2. Dead construction workers
3. Kidman bashing in a skull
4. Dead electrician

Bring the kids! BMX Bandits is fun for all!

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR A PIE IN THE FACE...

A PIE OF DEATH!

BMX Bandits: Part 1 - ENTER THE PAIN

This weekend I watched BMX Bandits. It may be the strangest film I have seen all week and I work in a dentist's office!

Get it? Film? Dentist's office? Like the film on people's teeth?

God, I hope someone laughed at that. Three years of dentistry school just to make you laugh.



The movie opens with a cool silver logo. This is the high point of the entire film.






Then a bunch of people ride bikes. because it's Australia, they ride them on the wrong side of the bike park.






This guy is in the movie.






This guy is too. Too bad we never learn the secret of his nifty "solar sport radio" hat.
Instead he justs eats a lot of ice cream and falls down.





Some bad guys dress as pigs and rob a bank. Later they hatch another plan that involves stealing a Brinks truck and talking on walkie-talkies. But their plan is twarted by the BMX Bandits (who aren't bandits). The BMX Bandits find the hidden walkie-talkies.






Hey kids! It's Nicole Kidman! And she brought her insurance salesman with her!






This is one of the bad guys. He has a picture of some Crispin Glover looking dude on the front of his shirt.






He has some Al Capone looking guy on the back of his shirt. Plus he looks like Billy Idol.






The bad guys ride in a boat that has Macho Man Randy Savage painted on the hood.






What was up with men's shorts in the 1980s? Really, what was the deal with that?






Here Nicole talks on a walkie-talkie with the longest antenna in the world.



TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO WATCH A CAR EXPLODE.