Thieves on the Walk of Fame

There was a famous episode of "I Love Lucy" where Lucy and Ethyl go to Grauman's Chinese theater and attempt to steal John Wayne's handprints.

They actually get the slab of cement out of the ground, but I think they put it back at the end. Then Lucy meets John Wayne, Ethyl call Fred "fat," he calls her "old," Ricky shouts in Spanish and Lucy begs him to let her be in the show. At least that's what I remember.

In real life, stealing John Wayne’s handprints (or any of the Chinese Theater slabs) would be pretty hard to do. The theater forecourt is lit up through the night with pretty adequate security.

This hasn't always been the case.

Both Charlie Chaplin's and Edward Purdom's squares have vanished from the Chinese Forecourt. It is assumed that management removed both, but others theorize that (at least) Chaplin's was stolen.

First let’s discuss Edward Purdom. He was a minor star who was awarded the honor of placing his hand and foot prints in the cement with the opening of his film The Egyptian. Many felt that he was undeserving of the honor, a fact compounded by his scandalous affair with Tyrone Power's wife. At some point after his hand prints and foot prints were placed they were removed by management. Yul Brenner's prints occupy the space today. In fact, the theater briefly toyed with marketing the slogan "Yul never miss the Power."

Chaplin is a little more interesting. Many believed him to be a communist and during the height of the McCarthy hearings his square was routinely defaced. Then one day his square disappeared or was cemented over.

Today security is so tight that even if these slabs WERE stolen it is very unlikely that this could happen again.

The Walk of Fame is a different story. Running almost 3 miles up Hollywood Blvd and Vine Street the Walk is a lot harder to protect. Most of it is been covered with security cameras, but not every block. Like any side walk, it occasionally chips and cracks and it is not rare to find a small piece of one of the stars dislodged. In fact, very often that you pass a star with the center emblem missing. The emblems represent film, TV, radio, etc and are taken out by vandals with a chisel.

Chisel Toting Vandals would be a good name for a rock band. Feel free to steal that, too ya hooligans.

So, some pieces of the Walk of Fame are lifted on an almost daily basis. But an ENTIRE STAR?? This is a pretty difficult thing to steal. After all, it's one of the busiest pedestrian areas in Los Angeles giving a thief little time to pry up and some how walk away with a few hundred pounds of sidewalk.

It seems really, really hard to do.

But, it has been done.

Gregory Peck's star vanished sometime around November 22, 2005. This was the 4th star to ENTIRELY disappear. Two of the others (Kirk Douglas and Jimmy Stewart) were both stolen during a construction project and later recovered. One of Gene Autry's five stars was stolen and NEVER found.

Peck's star has already been replaced and a photo has been released of the new star, Honorary Mayor Johnny Grant and 2 LAPD officers.


I love this photo. Johnny is gesturing "I dunno" as the two cops look like my dentist (left) and Ray Romano (center.)

I wish you all had seen my dentist. You would probably have laughed more. I also wish you had never seen Ray Romano. You would have probably laughed exactly the same amount.

The Walk of Fame stars are not as "personal" as the Chinese Theater slabs. No handprints or footprints and they can even be awarded to those who have passed away.

They get worn over time and are often replaced when they get damaged. For example, recently Rod Stewart and many other notable stars were replaced with brand new stars in the high traffic area of Hollywood and Highland.

In conclusion, I would like to state that I was not in Hollywood on November 22, 2005, I was not ALIVE for the Charlie Chaplin controversy and I had never heard of Edward Purdom. Please rule me out as a suspect.

The Watch Pocket

We have all seen one. Every single pair of jeans seems to have one. But NO ONE needs one.

It's the watch pocket. A tiny little flap of denim right over our left jeans pocket.

Seems odd that they still include these in the design of the jeans. In fact, I can't fathom a time where fancy pocket watches and dungarees would ever have been a match made in heaven.

But they must have been. Some time in the old west cowboys must have got off their horse, spit into a spittoon and looked at their pocket watches.

COWBOY ONE: Time for a spot of tea?
COWBOY TWO: Your jeans don't match your watch. Or your petticoat.

Today, we have little use for the little pocket. Sometimes I throw a few quarters in it, maybe a ticket stub. But I bet few use the pocket for a pocket watch today.

I don't rule out a comeback, though. The pocket continues to be produced. With cell phones getting smaller maybe soon we can fit them into that pocket.

By the way, why do we say cell phone? I thought "cell" was short for cellular. Aren't phones digital now? Why don't we say "digi phone?" Why don't they make Spaghettios with sausage?

So many questions, so many Google results.

The Boscov's Thanksgiving Day Parade

When most people think of a Thanksgiving Day Parade they think of Macy's and New York.

Of course, most people are stupid.

Why think of ONLY one parade when there is another equally important parade just a stone's throw away in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Yes, I like the Philadelphia parade and yes, I think I could throw a stone from New York City to Philadelphia if the weather was right.

Sure, the Macy's parade was mentioned in the film Miracle on 34th Street and yes, it has some of the biggest stars.

But, the Philadelphia parade is older and has some stars of its own.

For starters there is Kelly Ripa:

I love Kelly. I have written a haiku about her:

Kelly (a haiku)

We met when it was cold
Your hair smelled nice
Kathy Lee Gifford?
I don't know how to write a haiku

Kelly is one of the hosts of the program and possibly the hardest working woman in show business (not counting that lady that works for NBC, waxing Matt Lauer's back.)

In addition to Kelly the parade featured Tony Danza as its Grand Marshall.

Take a look at this photo of a woman with red hair taking a picture of Tony Danza.

Fascinating.

Upon close review it looks like Mr. Danza is making a move on the carriage driver.

The carriage drive does not seem to reciprocate the advance. I'm still not sure ‘who’s the boss.’ But I am curious.

In addition the parade featured Aaron Carter, Kelly Monaco and every ham and egger who ever appeared on 'American Idol.'

But none of these stars (or reality show contestants) could match the star power of Donald Duck:

Walt Disney World sponsored three floats. This one featured Donald and Daisy Duck, as well as Timon and Rafiki and the Animal Kingdom's Tree of Life.

Cinderella and her castle both appeared on floats, but not the same one.

Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Goofy and Pluto stood by her castle and SHE stood on a float with everyone else that Disney could afford to fly from Orlando to Pennsylvania.

In the section on the left are Chicken Little and Abby Mallard. The right features Chip & Dale and Stitch. The Middle section features Cinderella and... uh... Prince Charming? Not sure of his name. Belle was also there from Beauty and the Beast. She was standing with The Beast. But, not as 'The Beast.' He was in human form. Also Snow White and... uh... her husband.

Mr. and Mrs. Incredible were also on hand, riding in a white car. Before I saw them, I heard someone incorrectly refer to them as "The Wonderfuls."

I almost broke my neck turning around to see. I was saddened when I realized it WASN'T Paul Orndorff and his wife in the car.


Also, the parade has giant balloons just like Macy's Parade does.
My favorite was cow with a stomachache lying on top of the moon:

I also liked Felix the Cat as Ving Rhames as Kingpin from the Daredevil movie... based on the Marvel comic book.

I think that was the look he was going for.

So, what’s a parade without Shriners in little cars?

I have no idea. This parade was loaded with 'em.


So, what’s a pointless rhetorical question without a link to an old article?

I don't know that either.

The Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders were on hand as well. Sadly I was not able to get them to do a re-take of this photo. They seemed sad. Probably because they have about as much chance of going to the Superbowl as the Shiners do of going to the NASCAR Cup (assuming that that is a specific race and not some kind of award given to a racer for the end result of a whole season. I don't watch NASCAR. But I do love Shriners in little cars. I bet I have violated multiple grammar rules within the confines of this parenthesis. And I am not sorry. Not one bit.)

As usual, Santa Claus ended the parade.

Santa also appears at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and countless other local parades and shows.

But he won't end this article.

I shall give that honor to the Goldfish Cracker.

Take that, ya big glory hound.

Coloring Book: Thanksgiving

"Stuffed Turkey."

Get it?

He's stuffed! But not with stuffing. Well, maybe stuffing. The only thing we can be sure he ate is a jar of mustard.

However, he SEEMS to have emptied the entire Westinghouse.

Now he's westing. Get it? Like how a cartoon turkey might say "resting." Oh, and Westinghouse is a company that sells refrigerators.

I am quick with the jokes. I can make funnier jokes than "stuffed turkey."

I wouldn't joke about this turkey, he's hardcore. He ate everything in the FREEZER!!! The FREEZER! Without letting it sit and defrost, I bet.

Adam Sandler

One of the newer stars in the forecourt is Adam Sandler. The star of such flicks as Airheads and Bullet Proof is enshrined at Graumans alongside such names as Charlton Heston and Marilyn Monroe.

Sandler probably spent all night trying to find a way to WRITE in a wacky voice. He couldn't so the cement simply says "Hi to everyone! Love #23 Adam Sandler."

I don't know the significance of the number #23. Perhaps it was his number in the film. I know some websites mention it appearing in his other films, and being his favorite number.

My favorite number is eleventeen fiftakeyorhandsofme.

I bet I would be the only one to write THAT at Graumans.

I better go work on my wacky voice.

The Sears-Vincent Price Collection of Fine Art

October 1962 was an important month for many reasons.

For starters, in 1963 that month would be called Rocktober. But 1962 was not about rock. It was about roll. Rolling to Sears to get a painting.

Man that was a good segue. I think I may print it out and frame it.

Since the beginning of time (actually 1895) Sears has sold art to the masses. Still, in 1962 they noticed that most of the general public did not own any fine art.

So they decided to scare the hell out of the American public.

Vincent Price was selected by the board of trusties to 'seek out little old ladies and suck the blood from their necks... then sell them art.'

Price later explained to them that he was actually only an actor, not Dracula. He also explained that he had never played Dracula. He also apologized (in advance) for his work on Michael Jackson's Thriller album.

Luckily for Sears, Price was a connoisseur of fine art and had collected art and lectured on the subject.

Price picked out the paintings for the collection. Sears originally wanted to put his name in the corner. Vincent balked at this suggestion and the executive said "I guess we can put a price on this painting."
Vincent corrected him "My first initial is 'V' not 'A.' You can't put V. Price on this painting."
Moments later he realized that was supposed to be a joke and he laughed and laughed. They later put a price on the painting.

Prices ranged from $10 to $3,000. Each painting came with the same quality guarantee that Sears puts on its other products.

The program ended in 1971. In the years between Sears customers bought over 50,000 pieces of fine art and celebrated 9 Rocktobers.