Papadapolis Jersey

I have lots of sports jerseys in my closet. I buy them whenever I am on vacation in an area I haven't been in. I have many for players that have long been retired or traded and I have jerseys for teams I hate.

Despite the occasional empty threat from some goofball they are fun to wear. I constantly get high fives and thumbs up from strangers who are really into the Anaheim Amigos or the Seattle Pilots.

Still, I have never got a "custom jersey". You know, like a jersey that you pay to get your own name on.

It always seemed silly to me. I never played. Why should my name be on there... but on the other hand, why should I wear some other dude's name.

Luckily, there was a football player named Chad Hutchinson. I bought his jersey on eBay once. People assume it's custom.

However, the other night as I watched an episode of Webster I saw a jersey I might enjoy rockin:

How sweet would it be to have a custom George Papadopolis jersey?

Pretty sweet!

I can get one here: http://store.chicagobears.com/chicago-bears-jerseys.aspx

It would cost $300. 

Well, it wouldn't be $300 sweet. I'll stick with explaining who Chad Hutchinson was.

Christmas Decorations

Here's my Christmas village. I put Godzilla in it. I never get tired of it:

Anywhoo, I love Christmas. Love every second of it. My collection of decorations gets bigger and stupider every year.

In the kitchen I have a Festivus pole and one of those big dancing Santas. I gave him a Red Man tobacco fanny pack and a WWE Nexus hat:

I got a small tree in the hall with assorted Christmas knick knacks. My favorite is fishing Santa:

Happy Refrigerator Day! It's a reference to the holiday episode of the Henson TV show Dinosaurs:

 I have a crazy amount of stuffed animals wearing Santa hats. A few years ago I bought a tree just for them. I  just stuff them in the tree:

 I have a "home theater" which sounds silly to say. You wouldn't say you have a "home kitchen". Whatever you call it, the theater has a big tree and a little tree:

I got a great tacky little blue tree in my "home kitchen":

Finally, here is my living room tree. It's full of crazy ornaments:

Actually, that isn't everything. I have a fake fireplace that I didn't put up this year, a nativity set my the front door and assorted little things all around the house. Usually after Christmas it takes a few weeks before I am sure I got everything. There is always one or two I forget and notice in mid January.

Still, I always find more stuff I want. I saw this at a liquor store this week:

How cool is that! A crazy Heineken tree with ads for James Bond Skyfall.

I also saw these ornaments on eBay. I would love these:

Well, maybe Santa will get 'em for me!

Guy Hutchinson

Twinkies!

I am fan of Twinkie the Kid. I like Twinkies, but I LOVE Twinkie the Kid!

When I was in grade school Hostess removed Twinkie the Kid from the package and I was livid. I started a petition and got 200+ signatures to have Kid return. I received a nice letter stating that Kid was still around, just not on the current box. They sent some coupons and a plastic ring.

Eventually Twinkie the Kid returned to the package.

In 2005 I made my own Twinkie the Kid costume:

A few years ago the put out some retro packages with classic "banana flavored Twinkies". They were pretty gross. But the box was awesome. I saved it:

They also made retro packaged Cup Cakes:

The package included a deal to get Twinkie the Kid watch. I got one. You can see in the picture of my office below:

 You can also see a plush Twinkie the Kid. He's being watched by Elvis, Bogart, Geppetto and Jesus. He also has a classic XFL football.

I don't really believe that Twinkies are going away for good. Even if they end up being one of those weird, old fashioned things that you can only get at Cracker Barrel, like GooGoo Clusters.

Still, when I heard about the closing of Hostess on 11/16, I ran to the nearest 7/11 and picked up a package. I went with the chocolate cream because... well, that's pretty amazing.

They were pretty damn good. I only eat Twinkies once a year, so I won't miss 'em for a while, but if I do I can take comfort under my Twinkie the Kid hat:

Girls Die

I collect lots of nostalgic things which usually means having to deal with used stuff... often used by kids 30 years ago.

The other night I was flipping through a Cabbage Patch Kids book I found at a book sale at the library.

As I flipped through the book I noticed some child had taken a purple marker and scribbled over the faces of most of the adults in the book.

Seemed odd and a bit angry, but kids are kids.

Then on the final page one of the girl Cabbage Patch Kids got adopted. She put her arm around he best friend. The artist/vandal had added a single purple tear to her eye and the phrase "Girls Die."

Yeah. I assume some boy was either mad at his sister or maybe an aunt that bought him a sissy Cabbage Patch Kids book for Christmas.

Guy Hutchinson

The Monster M*A*S*H

On last night's Adventure Club Podcast I performed a song I originally written here back in 2004.

It's a parody of Monster Mash all about the spinoffs of the TV series M*A*S*H. I try to sing it like Dracula, but I sound more like a cross between The Count from Sesame Street and and Italian Bela Lugosi.

You can hear the whole episode here, but I figured I would post just the song below:

LINK

The Monster M*A*S*H 
by Guy Hutchinson

I was watching M*A*S*H* late one night
When my eyes beheld an funny sight
from my funny bone, laughs began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

It wasn't M*A*S*H*
It was AfterMASH
this AfterMASH
about a hospital staff
some guys from M*A*S*H*
were in this new cast
but it's not M*A*S*H*
It is After MASH

Colonel Potter had tried to start a new life
Retired from the Army spending time with his wife
But it got boring sitting around day after day
So he applied for a job- at the V.A.

Sorta like M*A*S*H*
but this was AfterMASH
The AfterMASH
Before the ratings crashed
It was like M*A*S*H
They called it AfterMASH
I prefer M*A*S*H
But, I'll watch AfterMASH

Klinger was stuck, spent time in jail
Potter came along and posted bail
offered him a job and Father Mulcahy, too
and soon enough their careers were through

Not from M*A*S*H
but from AfterMASH
because after M*A*S*H
was nothing but trash

Around the country people started to shout
They didn't understand what AfterMASH was about
They looked at the screen and shook thier fists
And said, "Whatever happened to Alan Alda?"

He was on M*A*S*H*
but not on AfterMASH
Why not AfterMASH
He didn't need the cash
From AfterMASH
It went off the air in a flash
Not much else rhymes with M*A*S*H
So, I'll repeat AfterMASH

Soon it was over, AfterMASH was canned
but another spin off was about to land
this one too had ratings that would falter
it starred Gary Burghoff and was called W*A*L*T*E*R

Radar from M*A*S*H
This parody is redundant-mash
kind of stupid-mash
hasn't been funny for three stanzas-mash
should have stopped earlier-mash
oh God, make it stop-mash
what does this even have to do with Halloween-mash?
I think I'll go watch Trapper John MD

Guy Hutchinson 2015

Art For Art's Sake

The top of the MGM logo has some words in foreign:

 It reads "Ars gratia artis" the American translation is "Art For Art's Sake".

I suppose they were thinking of that famous booze ad:

It's one of the best Art Carney ads I have ever seen, second only to the one he did for his paintings: