Charles Bronson is THE COMMISSIONER

Here is something I saw during a recent trip to Florida:


Charles Bronson is the Commissioner of the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services.

Awesome.

I can see him sitting at a desk commissioning about how they will get the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services to do whatever it does and BOOM a man bursts into the room.

Sir, your wife is in trouble.

Then Bronson goes around smacking thugs and punching punks in the gut.

Man, Florida rocks.

Richard Kiel as The Incredible Hulk

When I was a kid there was nothing I liked more than The Incredible Hulk. The show debuted on TV when I was probably too young to watch it, but it lasted 5 seasons and by the time the 1980s rolled around I was a big fan.

I remember lying on the floor staring up at the TV watching Bill Bixby sail through some sappy melodrama as I waited for 2 things.

First, I wanted to see how David Banner would change his last name this week.
See, David Banner was on the run from Mr. Magee and probably some over-zealous funeral directors wanting more information for his tombstone than just his name.

Because as the opening sequence would remind you, David is believed to be buried under a stone that simply reads "David Bruce Banner" no dates, no pithy quote... nothing.

Because his name was on the stone, David had to change his name every week.

One week he would be David Bammer, the next David Branner, then David Beckham and so on and so on.

I was fascinated about this.

As a kid, I also used to like Mr. Magee. Probably because his name was so similar to Mr. Magoo. Plus he never seemed to catch David. Even Magoo would have caught him by the end of the fourth season.

Remember a few paragraphs ago when I mentioned there were TWO things I looked forward to every week? The other was THE HULK!

The Hulk would come out twice an episode. Once about 15 minutes in and once about ten minutes before the episode ended.

I remember that my Dad let me stay up to watch the show, but only through the Hulk's second "Hulk out."

After that I was remanded to bed pleading "but what if he Hulks up a third time?"

My Dad always said, "Son, he never Hulks up a third time."

He was always right.

Anyway, as a kid I became deftly attuned to what would cause him to Hulk up... David Banner was a klutz.

Some bad guy would pull a knife on him, and he WOULDN'T Hulk up. Some bad guy would pull a knife on a lady, and he WOULDN'T Hulk up. Some bad guy would lock him in a closet, and he WOULDN'T Hulk up.

But then as David struggled to get out of the closet he would stub his pinky toe AND HE WOULD HULK UP.

Once he became the Hulk he would neutralize the situation and then go do something silly for the kids in the audience.

One time the Hulk used an ATM:

He showed up and there was an old lady using the machine. She freaked out and ran away leaving the Hulk to do his transaction.


Hulk would try to get a balance inquiry...


Oh no! He forgot his pin number!



Then a quick Hulk shove would result in the machine spitting out fives like a person that thought they were eating a salad, but then realized they were eating a bowl of five dollar bills.


Interestingly, lots of things about the Hulk TV show were different from the comic book. In the comic Banner gets hit with the rays of a gamma bomb, in the show it was some scientific equipment that was improperly set. In the comic he was Bruce Banner and the TV show changed his name to David.

They also wanted to change some other things. They wanted to make the Hulk red, and they wanted him to be played by Richard Kiel. Kiel is either best known for his awesome screen stealing performance as Jaws in two James Bond movies... or for a stupid cameo he has in Happy Gilmore as a big tall guy.

And tall he is. Kiel is over 7 feet tall, but didn't have the muscles that Ferrigno later brought to the character.

Looking back, the idea of a red Richard Kiel as the Hulk seems beyond absurd, but I accepted his name as David and I like his TV show back story much more than the comic book version.

So, I bet I would have been a fan of a skinnier red Hulk, too.

Anyway, the idea of making the Hulk red was nixed, but Kiel was hired to play the Hulk. In fact, they even started shooting the TV movie pilot with him... and one shot of Kiel remained in the final cut.

So, with no further ado... here is Richard Kiel as The Incredible Hulk:

Hot Cross Buns

While doing a little research on Good Friday I read that English blokes (that's British for "British people") eat HOT CROSS BUNS on Good Friday.

Amazing.

I never thought hot cross buns existed.

But they do:

They are hot buns with a cross on them. I would make a joke about a crucifix tattoo on Jessica Alba's backside, but it hardly seems appropriate in a post about Good Friday.

Here is some information I cut and pasted from Wikipedia (you can tell because there are lots of little numbers in brackets.)

In many historically Christian countries, buns are traditionally eaten on Good Friday, with the cross standing as a symbol of the crucifixion. They are believed by some to pre-date Christianity, although the first recorded use of the term "hot cross bun" is not until 1733[2]; it is claimed (no source found) that buns marked with a cross were eaten by Saxons in honor of the goddess Eostre (the cross is thought to have symbolized the four quarters of the moon)[3]; 'Eostre' is probably the origin of the name 'Easter'[4]. Others claim that the Greeks marked cakes with a cross, much earlier[5]. Cakes were certainly baked in honour of deities since very ancient times[6], although it is not known if they were marked.

According to cookery writer Elizabeth David, Protestant English monarchs saw the buns as a dangerous hold-over of Catholic belief in England, being baked from the dough used in making the communion wafer. Protestant England attempted to ban the sale of the buns by bakers but they were too popular, and instead Elizabeth I passed a law permitting bakeries to sell them, but only at Easter and Christmas.

Who knew that religion could be so yummy. And who knew that hot foods had been invented back in 1733! And who knew that the moon had FOUR QUARTERS! That's enough to play that motorcycle game at the arcade. It looks cool, but I think any game more than 2 quarters is a rip off. Especially 3 quarter games. I once played Silent Scope at the Galleria, then I was stuck with 1 extra quarter. Then I realized none of the games played on one quarter.

So, I could either cash out another two dollars and play three games of Silent Scope or take the quarter to the third floor, lean over the railing and try to drop it into the cleavage of a woman walking on the ground floor. Then I could take the two dollars and spend it on hobo wine. Then become a hobo.

So I played three games of Silent Scope. I shot the quarterback during the football staduim scene. That was funny.

Anyway, obvi (that's how I shorten 'obviously' it saves me lots of time) most folks have heard of 'hot cross buns' because of the song:

Hot cross buns,
One a penny buns,
One a penny,
Two a penny,
Hot cross buns.
Fresh, sweet buns,
Come and buy my buns,
One a penny,
Two a penny,
Fresh, sweet buns.
Nice, light buns,
Buy my currant buns,
Come and try them,
Then you'll buy them,
Nice, light buns.
Hot, sweet buns,
Good for everyone,
All your daughters,
All your sons,
All love buns.
Hot cross buns,
Hot cross buns,
Everybody loves hot cross buns.

Obvi (again, and for those of you who don't pay attention... that's how I shorten 'obviously' it saves me lots of time) I had heard the song as a kid, at least the first verse.

But now, as Paul Harvey would say, you know... the rest of the story.

The 4th Anniversary of bunchojunk.com

TAKE A LOOK AT THE ORIGINAL BUNCHOJUNK.COM
http://bunchojunkretro.blogspot.com/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE 4TH ANNIVERSARY OF BUNCHOJUNK.COM

Ahhh, four years. Just think... when I started this in 2004 Robin Williams was four years younger.

And all the things that happened in the past for years! New Years 2005! New Years 2006! New Years 2007! New Years 2008! Amnesty day at the adult video store...

Oh, so many things.

Anyway, a big THANK YOU to anyone who has stuck with me for any of these 4 years. If you haven't, well look at all the things you missed.

You probably aren't even sure of how much older Robin Williams is.

Normally for the Anniversary post I put a bunch of facts together, give a look back at the year... perhaps a guest writer or two.

This year, however, I want to focus on more important things...

The 2005 John Cusack comedy Must Love Dogs.

I never saw it. But I loved the tagline: The hardest trick is making them stay.

Yeah. I don't know John Cusack, but I once saw him in the lounge of the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Boulevard so I consider him a close personal friend.

I can imagine it's not easy to make him stay.



Diane Lane plays the titular "dog" that he falls in love with. This seems pretty stupid because she is no dog. Sure, she is a bit past her prime, but she is still hot.

John Cusack can be such a pig.

Soooo, lets head over to the official site: mustlovedogsmovie.com

-don't go to mustlovedogs.com!
It's mustlovedogsmovie.com.

No one should love dogs that much... except maybe another dog. Even then it's a bit weird.



My favorite part of the site is the photo gallery. That's where you can find this silver haired fox:


Yes, he is a man not without his charms. I don't know who he is, or if he followed the mandate to "love dogs."

Maybe he didn't and was mauled to death by a terrier as Cusack and Lane just laughed maniacally (when I say Cusack and Lane I mean John Cusack and Nathan Lane... Diane Lane has far too much class for such things.)

They also have a link on the site to tell a friend about a movie that's 3 years old:


Also, they have a link to some "Games and Activities"

The links weren't loading, and that is a shame.

I can imagine it's like Halo 3 but with a forced love of dogs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MOVIES LIE TO ME ON BUNCHOJUNK.COM'S ANNIVERSARY

I like Hamburger: The Motion Picture:

It's a feature film about... hamburgers. Sure, it's also about Dick Butkus and his sweet ride and cheatin' ho. And it's also about a Rick James wannabe in cuffs. And, to some people, it's about man who turns into a chicken.

But mostly, it's about Hamburgers.

So is Goodburger:


And Fast Food:

Yeah, they give it to you straight.

Unfortunately, not all movies are so doggone honest.

Like Hot Dog- The Movie:


It's about SKIING! Skiing. That stupid sport thats cold and has too many letter i's in it's name.

LIAR. Or should I call you a LIIAR?

Speaking of frauds, what about Meatballs?

Man, I could go for a meatball sub right now. Instead, I get Bill Murray and a summer camp.

LIES!

And don't even get me started on Hamburger Hill.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

COOKING WITH ANNETTE FUNICELLO

In honor of 4 years of wacky nonsense I decided to make a cake (really, if you add it up... it's about 2 1/2 years. I am pretty lazy.)

Then I got distracted and became obsessed with cooking like Annette Funicello.


For those who don't know, Annette was the most popular of Walt Disney's Mouseketeers and then became a pin-up queen in a series of bikini flicks.

She also knows her way around a kitchen.

This website has a trio of recipes that Annette handed down to the masses.

Annette Funicello's Peanut Banana Pudding recipe
I didn't read this one, but I bet it went something like this:

1 Banana
3 Table spoons Peanut Butter
1 bowl pudding

Add ingredients and stir. Then go cut a rug with your fab friends and Frankie Avalon.

There was also this recipe:
Annette Funicello's Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies recipe
After a long list of ingredients the recipe tells you to do the following:

In large bowl with mixer at low speed beat together margarine, peanut butter, eggs, water and vanilla extract just until blended. Add flour mixture, beat until blended. Increase speed to medium; beat 2 minutes. Stir chocolate pieces into batter. Drop by rounded tablespoons full 3 inches apart onto un-greased cookie sheets. Flatten slightly with floured bottom of glass. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on wire rack.

Sounds like soooo much work. I bet the real instructions are:
In large bowl with mixer at low speed beat together margarine, peanut butter, eggs, water and vanilla extract just until blended. Get bored and tired. Call Tommy Kirk and tell him to stop by the bakery and bring you some cookies.

Finally there is:

Annette Funicello's Steak in a Bag recipe

Annette says to cook at steak in the oven in a brown paper bag. That's either brilliant or the dumbest thing I have ever heard. No wait... I once heard Lyndon Larouche explain his plan on how to fix Social Security. So, steak in a bag CAN'T be the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Yup. Steak in a bag is brilliant.

Annette says:
"You can bake steak early in the day, then bake at 425 degrees F just before serving. The steak is out of this world."

It's like eating a cow from Mars.

Where Can You Find Roy's Chicken?

I loved Roy Rogers chicken when I was a kid. I loved it more than KFC, more than McDonalds and more than Burger King.

It was my favorite.

For some reason the clown and his playland never held a candle to a singing cowboy with a fixins bar.

Roy's is still around, but not really in my area.

So, to help me find Roy's Chicken I found this vintage placemat.


Where indeed.

Let's look clockwise from bottom left.

On Vacation.
Roy's suggests that I bring my chicken on my vacation. That makes sense because so few tourist destinations have food.


At A Birthday Party.
Another excellent suggestion. I recommend that you slip it into your pocket when you are off to attend a birthday party. Then if the food sucks you can sneak into the bathroom and chow down.

On A Picnic.
And they remind you that fried chicken is as great as all of nature. I can't argue with that.

In Front of A VCR.
Then you can adjust the tracking, dim the lights and realize the moron before you was unkind and didn't rewind.
It's enough to make you wish you were invited to that birthday party with the lousy food.

In A Business Meeting.
Is "in church" or "in the emergency room" on this list? I get the feeling they are just naming every place they can think of.

At A Softball Game.
They tell us we can bring the Big Chiller out at a softball game. I assume they are talking about pro wrestler/softball player Sid Eudy.

At Your Neighborhood Roy Rogers.
Well, duh.

At A Family Reunion.
I am not so sure this is a reunion. It might be an intervention. After all, you have been eating way too many fried foods. It's just not good for you. Remember, moderation.

The Hollywood Brown Derby in Orlando

I love Hollywood and I love Orlando... at least Walt Disney World.

Oh, and I also love Universal.

Being that I- oh wait, I also love Sea World.

And Ripley's Believe it or Not. And that upside down building on I Drive that looks so cool even though I have never been there.

Anyway, being that I love Walt Disney World and I love Hollywood, the Brown Derby Restaurant in Disney's Hollywood Studios is one of my favorite places on earth.

First, a bit of history:

The Brown Derby was a famous restaurant chain in the "golden age" of Hollywood. The restaurant chain was famous for it's hat shaped exterior... but not the one IN Hollywood.

The Hollywood Brown Derby, the most famous one in the chain, was not in a hat shaped building. This was done because the crazy scientologists in Hollywood were worried a giant martian might show up on earth and pick the restaurant up and wear it on his head.

The other locations didn't worry about this because derbys are "like, so last year on Mars."

The real Derbys have all closed and the one in Hollywood has been torn down and is now a parking lot.


Now take another look at this photo from the 1980s:


Now look again at the parking lot:


Notice something? "Juices Fountain" seems to have been passed over by the wrecking ball.

Juices Fountains still stands, but the most famous restaurant in Hollywood now has a bunch of Toyotas parked on top of it.

Ahhh well, we always have Orlando.

So, Disney re-created the Brown Derby an it is one of the finest restaurants on Walt Disney World property.

This is what the original interior looked like:


The most famous thing about the interior was the caricatures of celebrities that covered the walls.

Now here is a photo of the Disney recreation:


Notice anything?

If you were straining your eyes to see if the staff of Juices Fountain was trying a hostile takeover you may have missed the minor changes Disney has made to the restaurant.

For starters, they have less caricatures and they took out some booths and replaced them with tables. Still, it's a pretty awesome replica.



Here I am standing in front of a wall of caricatures.

Notice anything?

Yup, I have a Hagar the Horrible T-shirt. Admit it, that's pretty freakin' cool.

Here is a caricature of Roy Rogers:

He was famous for his fried chicken restaurants. I am told he played a cowboy in a movie, too.

Here is one of Ronald Reagan:

He was just like Roy Rogers... except with less chicken and more State of the Union speeches.

Here is Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy:

They were a ventriloquist/dummy act. I tried for like 20 minutes to come up with a good political joke that wouldn't offend half of my readers. I couldn't.

Let's just leave it alone.

This is a cartoon of Lilo & Stitch done by the creators of the film that appears in the guest book of the restaurant:


And Stitch is right! The food is good. I had the tilefish:


The "real" Brown Derby was most famous for the Cobb Salad. The owner apparently created it as a midnight snack for Chinese Theater owner Sid Grauman.

Although I have an amazing amount of admiration for Sid, I hate salad so I ate the fish.

The Brown Derby's other original recipe was the Grapefruit Cake:


I tried that, it was pretty good... although it tasted too much like grapefruit.