The Dukes of Family Feud

The classic game show Family Feud is now available in a "best of" DVD set.

I got my hands on this and I was really excited to see that amid a fantastic group of celebrity guests, the cast of The Dukes Of Hazzard were listed.

What a thrill! The Duke boys on the Feud! This is more exciting than that time I thought I had eaten all the leftover pizza, but then I opened the fridge and there was a slice left.

Oh boy!

LOOK AT THAT!
From left you have Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane, Luke Duke, Daisy Duke, Uncle Jesse (not the one from Full House) and Boss Hogg.

Wow.

That couldn't be more exciting.

Then later on the DVD is ANOTHER Dukes episode of Family Feud!


Oh man! How sweet! I wonder who they will have this time? Will they swap out Bo for Luke? Uncle Jesse for Cooter? Roscoe for Enos?

Ah, the anticipation I had as the curtain opened...

And then I see this:

Suddenly I was brought to tears and a trombone player knocked down the door to play "wamp waaaaah" sound that they make on Let's Make a Deal whenever the deal sucks.

SEE IT???

LOOK AT IT!

THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE UNCLE JESSE!


I WOULD HAVE EVEN SETTLED FOR UNCLE JESSE FROM FULL HOUSE!!

INSTEAD I GET THIS:

STARE AT IT UNTIL YOUR EYES BLEED:

I'm sorry. I am just a little disappointed.

Let's take a look at these jokers.



OK, here is my best guess.. from RIGHT to left we have: Richard Dawson, Cletus, my cleaning woman, that dude that works at the bagel shop that fooled around with Tina Testarelli she and I were dating back in '98, the secretary from Ferris Bueller's school and Gilbert Gottfried.

Let's take a closer look.

Thats Rick Hurst who played Cletus Hogg on the show from 1980 to 1983. Look at how proud he is!
At first I thought he would be ashamed to introduce Dawson to this raggedy bunch that they cobbled together, but then it dawned on me: this group of useless meat sacks is the ONLY crowd that Cletus would get to rule over.

Next to Cletus is



This sexy thang is Lindsay Bloom who played Myrtle, the telephone operator, on the show. Cletus says she over hears all of the gossip that way. I have a vague memory of her relaying dirt to Boss Hogg.
I also have a vague memory of her in a wet t-shirt in the flick H.O.T.S..

Even that doesn't make me happy to see her on this show. I'd rather see Uncle Jesse in a wet t-shirt. Either Uncle Jesse.

Next up is this guy:

Cletus tells us this is a member of the Duke family...
But it ain't Bo or Luke.

Heck, it ain't even Coy or Vance (the fake Duke boys.)

Nope, this is cousin Jeb Stuart Duke.

He appeared on ONE EPISODE.

No foolin'.

This means that he appeared on an equal number of Family Feud episodes judging by this photo alone.
Look at his IMDB page:


I found this post on a Dukes fan site (yes, there is a Dukes fan site... plenty of them in fact.)

Julieduke
Senior Member
Hazzardite for life Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Colonial City
Posts: 4,113

Jeb Stuart Duke
I had watched the show" Along Came a Duke" and the actor that played him was cute. I had thought him and Bo looked a lot alike. Where has he been after he before I know I have seen him somewhere before.

I don't know where else you saw him, Julieduke, but I bet you will wanna stop by my house next weekend!
I am having a Jeb Stuart Duke-a-thon. It's going to be a marathon showing of the complete catalog of Christopher Hensel performances. It will be from 6pm to 7pm on saturday (that time includes a dinner break.)

Afterwords we will be trying to figure out how you could have 4,113 different posts on the subject of the Dukes of Hazzard.
Then again, I probably have written that many jokes about the concept of there being two different "Uncle Jesse's" on TV.

Perhaps I should just shut my big mouth.

Next up is Peggy Rea who played Lulu, Boss Hoggs wife:

Now, don't get me wrong, Lulu was a funny character who appeared on a handful of episodes, but does she really belong on the Family Feud?
I can only imagine the sadness of anyone that tuned in to see the stars of the Dukes of Hazzard and gets... this:

I have seen better casts on a fishing show for re-re's.

Finally we have Jeff Altman:

Jeff had starred in Pink Lady and Jeff where I bet he played Pink Lady.

He appeared in a total of SIX episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard.

He played Hughie Hogg who was probably Boss Hogg's nephew.

Well, I gotta run. I wanna see if this parade of mediocrity can beat The Jeffersons.

Posted by Guy Hutchinson

Temporary Teeth

The other day I started brushing my teeth and something odd happened. My tooth fell out.


Actually, it wasn't as surprising as you think. I have two capped teeth and the one that fell out had been loose for a long time.

Still, it was a little odd. I called the dentist and they promised to take me that afternoon.

So, looking like Luke Williams I stepped out of the house.

If you know who Luke Williams is you are probably laughing your head off. If not, here's a picture:

If you are a wrestling fan who just didn't recognize the name Luke Williams you know him better as one half of The Bushwhackers. NOW I bet you are laughing.

If you don't follow wrestling, you are probably scared to death by that picture.

Regardless, I had my missing tooth and I was out on the town. I got a few stares and I made a couple children cry. Then I was off to the dentist.

The dentist decided that it was time for both capped teeth to go. In order to make posts for the brand new teeth the dentist ground the old teeth down into little fangs:



Pretty dang cool, eh?

Then they took some molds, did some minor gum surgery (to make the new teeth fit) and made me a set of temporary teeth.

Here are the molds and the temporary teeth:


You may notice that the temporary teeth are actually just one big piece that looks like two teeth.

Yesterday I was fitted with my new permanent porcelain veneers:

What a nice smile!

Still, I will never forget the time I spent with my temporary teeth.
I hope you never forget me, Temporary Teeth.
Remember that time I wanted to open my DVD copy of Karate Dog, the movie about a dog that did karate? Remember how I had trouble getting the shrink wrap plastic to tear. But you grabbed that plastic and pulled that package open.
Remember that Temporary Teeth? Then we watched that movie and there was a dog that did karate in it?
I remember when I laughed and laughed at all the karate that was being done... by a dog! You were right there, every time I opened my mouth to chuckle.

I love you Temporary Teeth.

And remember when we ate some ribs at T.G.I. Fridays? We really liked those ribs, didn't we, Temporary Teeth? I remember the meat got stuck in my teeth so I started to floss as soon as I got in the car. You wanted me to floss at the table, you animal! Temporary Teeth, you are such a lovable brute!

Remember when I tried to floss you, then I realized you were just one big double tooth? We laughed and laughed.

Remember when we in Italy and the bread salesman tried to sell me so bread with a burnt crust? Remember how you bit my thumb as I cursed him and his goat? That was quite a day.

Thanks for watching my back, Temporary Teeth.

I love you Temporary Teeth. I will love you forever...

A Bright Sullen

The other day, in an attempt to show my disdain for poetry, I wrote a poem.

I wanted to see if the average person could distinguish between nonsense I scribbled on the back of a subscription card for WWE Magazine and the work of a Poet Laurette.

Most people couldn't.

This isn't a knock on them. It's just that "good" poetry is so hard to quantify.

You don't even have to rhyme.

I jotted my poem down in small sections as I watched a bad pan and scan version of the Micheal Keaton flick Multiplicity.

It took me about two minutes.
Here it is:

A Bright Sullen

The dogs bark at the break of day
They know what is started
In the back a tree stands
Soon to transition to the evening fire

Candy everywhere, the children scream
happiness as days slip away
older now everyone is present
All of life, all of a dream

Breath is heavy wheels move
No one still stands in the atrium
No one sits anytime, the wall doesn't move
Almost all the ponds have frozen

A chair. Empty. Alone.
People pass by legs in constant motion
No one sits. It squanders it's usefulness

Not bad, eh?

Actually it's really bad.

Let's take a closer look:
Here it is:

A Bright Sullen

The title sounds really deep, but it's not. I just thought "sullen" was a good artsy word so I stuck bright in front of it.

The dogs bark at the break of day
They know what is started
In the back a tree stands
Soon to transition to the evening fire

Stupid dogs. They don't know anything.

Candy everywhere, the children scream
happiness as days slip away
older now everyone is present
All of life, all of a dream

I am pretty sure I ripped this part off from some greeting card or from the movie Cocoon.

Breath is heavy wheels move
No one still stands in the atrium
No one sits anytime, the wall doesn't move
Almost all the ponds have frozen

At this point in the creative process I was thinking about actor Luis Guzman. He makes me laugh.

A chair. Empty. Alone.
People pass by legs in constant motion
No one sits. It squanders it's usefulness

So stupid. This whole poem squandered it's usefulness.

Sammy Soil

His name is Sammy Soil... he's a tiny piece of soil... OR IS HE????

I dunno, look at how he towers over the grass and check out the bees that buzz around him like planes around King Kong.

Sammy Soil is NOT tiny.

Sammy has hands the size of dinner plates and shoes that either belong to grandma or The Iron Shiek. He also has Michael Jackson's nose and is in need of a haircut.

I don't think I will sleep tonight...

The Uncatchable Water Snake

The Uncatchable Water Snake.

Unlike those 'easy to catch' real water snakes, this one is hard to catch. Unless you stumble into some run down deli to buy some smokes or baby food. Then there is a good possibility you can get this poorly made item that is not painted... but still should probably have a lead paint warning.

The Uncatchable Water Snake.

See, I only have one photo of this item so get used to it. I am going to have to show it again and again.

The Uncatchable Water Snake.


See!

Anyway, I played with one of these when I was a lad. I remember it was called Mr. Wiggles. One of my cousins asked if I wanted to 'play with Mr. Wiggles' and being naive I thought Mr. Wiggles was some weird old guy in a trench coat.

After finding out Mr. Wiggles was a toy I agreed to play with him anyway. So we played catch... or should I say we played 'drop.'

Because this thing was impossible to get a grip on. Someone would toss it at you and you would try and hold onto it and it would wriggle around just like Rambo did when those cops tried to fingerprint him.

And so, Mr. Wiggles was my first brush with the toy that is now being sold as The Uncatchable Water Snake.


There it is. I like that the designers choose to decorate the box with butterflies and bumblebees rather than actual water snakes.

I also like that it is "SQUEEZABLE!" and "SAFETY!"


Most importantly, the good folks that make The Uncatchable Water Snake caution us: To avoid the sharp matter and point.

Ahhh, to think of all the time I have wasted avoiding The Noid and pinching 'an inch.'


I really love the box for The Uncatchable Water Snake.


But one thing puzzled me. It says "12 pcs"

At first I thought 'pcs' was short for 'pieces' but then I thought "How lazy do you have to be to abbreviate a word that's six letters long." And if you DO have to abbreviate it, why use HALF of the letters in the word.


No. It must mean something else. So I checked the Acronym Finder. The had 200+ options (you can just scroll down... there isn't a test):

Process of Setting *****
Patient Care Services *****
primary care services *****
Products and Services *****
Programme on Chemical Safety *****
Pest Control Solutions *****
Protocols and Services *****
President of Consumer *****
Professional Customer Service *****
Process Control Safety *****
Personal Computer Systems *****
Prevention Care and Support *****
Private Company Services *****
Private Christian School *****
Process Control Solutions *****
Pacific Crest Securities *****
Personal Counseling Services *****
Permanent Civil Service *****
Psychological Counseling Services *****
Parkview Center School *****
Printing and Copying Services *****
Public Communications Services *****
Pinckney Community Schools *****
Plainville Choral Society *****
Personal Communications Services *****
Project and Should *****
Power Control Systems *****
Pretty Cool Stuff *****
Parents and Children S *****
Powder Coated Steel *****
Placed on Calendar Senate *****
Production Control Software *****
Person Centered Services *****
Power Control System *****
Photonic Crystal Slabs *****
Primary Class Size ****
Personal Communications Service ****
Professional Civil Servants ****
Preferred Creditor Status ****
Proposed Committee Substitute ****
Procurement Contract Services ****
Pennsylvania Championship Series ****
Piedmont Chamber Singers ****
Peace Conflict Studies ****
Political Cartoon Society ****
Park City Solutions ****
Pastoral Care School ****
Programmable Control System ****
Psychology Community Services ****
Professional Career Services ****
Pathology Clinical Services ****
Postal Commemorative Society ****
Piqua City Schools ****
Polish Cardiac Society ****
Public Computing Services ****
Physics and Chemistry of Solids ****
Perma Chink Systems ****
Packet Construction Set ****
Potsdam Central School ****
Philosophy of Computer Science ****
Pendleton County Schools ****
Powertrain Control Solutions ****
Posts Camps and Stations ****
Public Commercial Services ****
Pool Cover Specialists ****
Personal Communications Systems ****
Polycom Conference Suite ****
Proportional Control System ****
Personal Cooling System ****
personal communication systems ****
Physics Computing Services ****
Pittard Campus School ****
Professional Communication Systems ****
Product Certification Scheme ****
Productivity Computer Solutions ****
Process Control Solution ****
Personal Counseling Service ****
Private Client Services ****
Program Component Score ****
Precision Computer Systems ****
Portable Computer Systems ****
Prattsburgh Central School ****
Pre Collision System ****
Position Classification System ****
Portland Customer Services ****
Personal Chef Service ****
Poor Customer Service ****
Product IN STOCK ****
Professional Conference Services ****
Port Command Successful ****
Professional Computer Services ****
Public and Commercial Services Union ****
Picture Communication Symbols ****
Providence College and Seminary ****
Professional Clubmakers Society ****
Projekt Controlling System ****
Providence Christian School ****
Public Charter School ****
Picture Coding Symposium ****
Peace and Conflict Studies ****
Professional Consulting Services ****
Peoria Christian School ****
Porsche Club Sverige ****
Professional Communication Society ****
Pre Crash Safety ****
Providence Classical School ****
Parallel Computing Systems ****
Pastoral Care Specialist ****
Personal Chef Services ****
Point Contact Spectroscopy ****
Philadelphia Classical Symphony ****
Patrick Computer Services ****
Performance Collection Software ****
Phoenix Computer Services ****
Primary Care Skills ****
Personal Connectivity Solutions ****
Pavement Condition Survey ****
Portable Character Set ****
Protection and Community Services ****
Population Communication Services ***
Peruvian Civil Society ***
Pro Card Systems ***
Personal Computer System ***
Professional Carpet Systems ***
Phone Companies Serving ***
Precision Computer Services ***
Physics Computer Science ***
Professional Cleaning Systems ***
Pre Computer Science ***
Pays for Covered Services ***
Primary Consulting Services ***
Parti Chretien Social ***
Production Control Services ***
Producer Compliance Scheme ***
Pre Collision Safety ***
Patient Clinical Summary ***
Portland Christian Schools ***
per carton size ***
Parts Components and Services ***
Pre Configured System ***
partition communication subsystem ***
Procedures and Conditions ***
Pest Control Supplies ***
Payment Clearing Services ***
Pitch Command System ***
Physical Chemistry and Spectroscopy ***
Pride Communication Services ***
Physician Consultation Service ***
Punjabi Cultural Society ***
Pathetic Customer Service ***
People Creating Success ***
Premier Computer Solutions ***
Process Control Suite ***
Positive Christian Singles ***
Product Creation System ***
Patient Classification Systems ***
Preferred Client Services ***
Property Care Services ***
Pentagon Car Sales ***
Park Christian School ***
Pieces the Special ***
Prudential Cleanroom Services ***
Port Control System ***
Personal Computer Support ***
Portsmouth Christian School ***
Princeton Christian School ***
Process Computer System ***
Punch Card System ***
Position Classification Standards ***
Phillip C Showell ***
Plant Control Systems ***
Provincial Civil Services ***
Pollution Control Systems ***
Powerline Control Systems ***
Psychoanalysis and Contemporary Science ***
Plymouth Center School ***
Professional Chauffeur Services ***
Plus Compare or Save ***
Portland Center Stage ***
Premium Coal Samples ***
Percent of Sprint ***
Premier Consulting Services ***
professional conduct standards ***
Performance Control System ***
Personal Computing Systems ***
Personal Computer Services ***
Pastoral Counseling Services ***
Program and Clinical Services ***
Pear Coding Standards ***
Peacehaven Community School ***
Phone Card Store ***
Pneumatic Conveying Systems ***
Parkview Center School (Saint Paul, MN) ***
Permanent Changes of Station ***
Pierce College-Ft Steilacoom (Tacoma, WA) ***
Pine Crest School (Fort Lauderdale, FL) ***
Provide Custom Solutions ***
Practical Computer Solutions ***
Payment Control System ***
Potere Calorifico Superiore ***
Professional Clubmaker S ***
Prospective Cohort Study ***
pacific coast swimming ***
Personnal Communication Services ***
Pressure Core Sampler ***
Pre Clinical Skills ***
Professional Conference Systems ***
Pasture Condition Score ***
Professional Conference Series ***
Product Catalog SONY ***
Profile Cutting Systems ***
Projected Coordinate Systems ***
Professional Computing Solutions ***
Professional Care Service ***
Penguin Critical Studies ***
Providing Customer Satisfaction ***
Process Classification Scheme ***
Professional Credential Services ***
Personal Cutting System ***
Pullman Christian School ***
Project Counselling Service ***
Pursuit Combat Systems ***
Premium Customer Service ***
Princeton Charter School ***
Personal Computer Serial ***
Position Control System ***
Philippine Cancer Society ***
Professional Computer Systems ***
Preservation and Conservation Studies ***
Preferred Character Set ***
Plans Compare Sprint ***
Purchased Client Services ***
Pen Computer Systems ***
Personal Computer Solutions ***
Producer Compliance Schemes ***
Performance Consulting Services ***
Power Correction Systems ***
Patient Care Systems ***
Pneumatic Control System ***
Preferred Customer Service ***
Palau Conservation Society ***
Personal Cellular System ***
Portable Classroom Study ***
personal communication services/system ***
PTZ Camera Sony ***
Petroleum Card Services ***
Petroleum Contaminated Soils ***
Prices on Sprint ***
Pipeline Compliance System ***
Petrochemical Corporation of Singapore ***

I think they either meant 12 "per carton size" or 12 "pelvic congestion syndrome."

A Deleted Scene From Rambo: First Blood Part II

Things could not be better today because the world has been blessed with ANOTHER Rambo flick.

The newest film is simply called Rambo even though it follows Rambo III. The first film was actually called First Blood but rather than call it's sequel "Second Blood" they called it Rambo: First Blood Part II.

Anyway, the plot of that film involved Rambo going into to Vietnam and picking up some bearded guy so he can carry him back to the USA.

After a little while Rambo needed a breather so he set the dude down.

"Hey, I'm Rambo. I like your beard" He said (or something like that.)


"What year is it" The bearded guy said (we can call him Ted from now on.)



Rambo turned away and said "1985."



Bam! We see the sorrow and regret on Ted's face.

It was a touching moment, but almost instantly it ended and they were trekking back to the good old USA.

However, in the first cut of the film the scene went much longer. I found the entire deleted scene (or extended sequence if you will) on a DVD or Youtube or maybe I just made it up.

DELETED SCENE/EXTENDED SCENE FROM DVD/YOUTUBE/THE DARK RECESS OF GUY HUTCHINSON'S MIND:

"What year is it" Ted asks Rambo.

"1985" Rambo replies.

Ted looks sad. "Is Johnson still President?"

"No."

"Is Mikey still the spokesman for Life Cereal?"

"No," replied an agitated Rambo "he drank soda and Pop Rocks and died."

"Pop Rocks?"

"It's candy." replied Rambo.

"Is it any good?" asked Ted.

"I never tried 'em. I think it's like Rice Krispies."

"Rice Krispies are a candy now?" Ted seems even more curious.

"No. But sometimes people cook them with marshmallows and serve them as squares."

"Like a cake?"

Rambo looks around before answering. The he nods 'yes.'

"Wow" said Ted "do they still crackle and pop if you dunk them in milk?"

"A little." replied Rambo.

Ted looked happy. "Do they still snap?"

"No." Rambo quickly answered.

"Oh..."

"What else has changed, Rambo?" Ted asked.

"A whole lot."

Ted looked at his feet. "Do people still bump butts when they dance?"

"No."

Ted was stunned. "No? Not at all?"

Rambo shakes his head 'no.'

"I really liked 'the bump' I was pretty good at it. If I go into a disco and try it would that be okay?"

"I wouldn't recommend it." Rambo shot back. "Plus nobody says disco anymore."


"What do they say?" Ted asked.

Rambo looks confused, like he wasn't really listening to Ted but was embarrassed to admit it so he just answers the question he thought he heard.

"People say 'Pac-man' and 'Hulkamania's running wild' and 'one point twenty-one jigawatt's' stuff like that."




Ted starts thinking and says "I wonder if my mom is still alive."

"Nah" said Rambo "She was probably killed by the aliens."

"Aliens?"

"Yup. They came out of the sewers and wiped out everyone. They use old lady bones to pick their teeth."

Ted is in shock!

"I'm just messin' with ya." Rambo chuckles.

Ted is still in shock.


Ted then asks "How did that Disneyland in Florida turn out?"

Rambo said "It's good. I went there last August. I rode the tea cups and drank pink lemonade. They got another one called Epcot Center."

"Do they have tea cups there?" Ted asked.

"No." said Rambo.



"No tea cups?" Ted asked again.

"Not one." said Rambo with a tone of finality that shook Ted to his core.



Then they get up and Rambo carries him back to the United States blowing up entire villages with explosive arrows along the way.

THE END