The Intro to Old Universal Studios DVDs

I don't think they do it anymore. If they do, I just haven't noticed it.

But, about 10 years ago when the DVD market first started up Universal did something to set their DVDs apart from all other studios.

They made them really, really expensive.

For real! Every Universal DVD was about $10 more than any other DVD.

But, there was another thing that they did... it may not be worth $10 but it was a good bonus.

It was the Universal Intro. The intro was about 30 seconds of music combined with clips of Universal films cross-fading into each other and the Universal logo.

Now, these weren't clips from the history of Universal Studios. This didn't show you clips from all the different eras of film making that the studio had produced.

No, this just showed clips of the last few films that they put out on DVD. The clips would change every few months. So each Universal DVD you bought would have the same intro... with different clips.

Unfortunately they didn't usually identify the clips, so you were often in the dark about what movie they were showing.

It was odd.

Each intro is like a time capsule, and it gives you a chance to see what DVDs came out in the month of March 1998.

Here is one I found at the beginning of a Universal film I recently watched.

I won't tell you which film it was, but I will tell you that Joel Siegel called it "Big Laugh Funny!"

Here are some stills from that intro:

Remember when I said that the clips would all change every few months? That was true... except for THIS clip. It was a short clip of George Clooney snapping his fingers as he holds a zippo. It was from some heist film that I only vaguely remember. I wonder why his fingers were all taped up.
Maybe he cut himself shaving.

Nonetheless, this clip made it to the beginning of EVERY intro! I worried for a while that it would replace the Universal logo.




As soon as he snapped his fingers the music started and we saw the Universal logo. I never thought about the logo, but now that I look at it, I find it frightening.
It seems that light is emanating FROM earth. I can only wonder if it is some kind of horrible glance into a future where the planet is over run with radiation and we are all dead.




This is either the guy from Spider-man or Brokeback Mountain. I asked some people and they said he was from one of those movies and they thought it was the "gay one."

So I guess it WAS Spider-man.




See, this is that cross fade I was telling you about. Look at that! The Universal logo meshed into a shot of Spider-man trapped in a well.
It almost spells out a deeper meaning about homosexual superheroes and how they feel trapped in the world and they feel that being trapped is "Universal." Deep, truly deep.




Patch Adams. NEXT!




This cracks me up! Remember Primary Colors? It was a movie where John Travolta played Bill Clinton. It is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen.




Blues Brothers 2000. It didn't actually come out in 2000, however.




This is Babe the pig. But, it's a shot from Babe 2.




Babe 3.
No, I'm kidding. It's Ellen Degeneres. I love her. I think I will dance just thinking about her.
Why didn't they get her to play Spider-man?




The End.

An afternoon with Mr. Roy Disney

Recently Mr. Freeze and I went to the Philadelphia for the an event to honor Roy Disney and showcase some Walt Disney cartoons.

The first event we were attending was called "Nine Decades of Disney Magic" and was being held at the Prince Music Theater, a 450 seat theater on Chestnut Street in Philadelphia.

There was a showing of Fantasia the night before, apparently with a live orchestra, but I missed that.

The tickets were $8 for the "Nine Decades" but they were selling them 2 for 1! The theater was at least half empty.

Thom Cardwell, the Festival's executive director came on stage first. This dude was awesome. It was like Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde got together and had a baby. Actually, I bet they did get together. And if "baby" is their code word for "hairy linebacker" they probably DID have one.



Please take a moment to stare at Thom's super-sweet jacket and ascot.

Suddenly I noticed Freeze was wearing the same jacket. Truly odd.

Anyway, Thom introduced Leonard Maltin. Maltin came out.

I MEAN HE CAME OUT ON STAGE. Get your mind out of the gutter Mr. Nelson Reilly.

Anyway, Maltin's beard looks... NO, NOT THAT TYPE OF BEARD.

Leonard Maltin is all about the "hot naked women" and don't you forget it.

Anyway, his beard is just fascinating in person. Well groomed, yet OUT OF CONTROL. I couldn't stop staring at it.

He said something (it might have been brilliant, but all I heard was "look at my beard! Become hypnotized by my beard!"

Maltin then introduced Roy Disney.

Maltin asked Roy a few questions and Roy told a little bit about his role in the animation boom in the 1980s and 1990s.

As he described the time period Roy said "...they had made a movie none of you have heard of called The Black Cauldron."

The audience applauded.

With a look of mock awe Roy quipped "Then why didn't you all go when it came out?"

If you don't remember The Black Cauldron, it's an interesting film that really announces "THIS WAS MADE IN THE 1980S" during every foot of film.

It's like someone took The Hobbit, Star Wars, Dungeon's and Dragons and the Smurfs and stuck them in a blender.

Then while they were all stuck in a blender, that someone went to Disney and made a movie.



After speaking for a few minutes they gave a brief disclaimer for one of the cartoons we would be seeing, Der Fueher's Face.
See, in that toon, Donald Duck is a Nazi. Yup. No joke.

They walked off the stage and the lights went down and the shorts played on a rather large screen and on film!

The compilation of shorts featured:

1. Alice in Wonderful (1923): This was the famous Alice comedy where a live action girl was in an animated setting.
The print they showed did not have the last few seconds, which as I understand are lost (a new ending was manufactured a few years back.)
This was a whole lot of fun. All the animals were nice to Alice - except the Lions! Lions can be such jerks.

2. The Ocean Hop (1927): This was the first Disney directed Oswald the Lucky Rabbit cartoon I have ever seen.
The plot involved a plane race and featured a few gags that were re-used in Plane Crazy.
The villain of the cartoon was a bully with a peg leg... very Peg Leg Pete-esque.
In the cartoon Oswald used a dog as a plane, and used a "thought bubble" as a balloon.
It was very funny. I made a mental note to try to convert my neighbors dog into a bi-plane.

I SAID BI-PLANE! Please, everyone, get your minds out of the gutter!

Let's take another look at Thom's jacket.



Just sit back and drink in that man's sense of style.

NEXT!

3. The Brave Little Tailor (1938): It's Mickey as Giant Killer in this color short. The addition of color and sound was really impressive when you figure this was only 11 years removed from the previous Oswald cartoon!

4. Der Fuehrer's Face (1942) Donald Duck in full Nazi regalia seemed to make the crowd a bit uncomfortable (I think I heard a couple gasps.) The patriotic ending elicited some of the loudest applause of the program.

5. Toot Whistle Plunk and Boom (1953): A beautiful CinemaScope film that traces the history of musical instruments. It also implied that cavemen would play the drum by pounding their fists on their stomachs. Cavemen were so stupid.

6. It's Tough to be a Bird (1969): Interesting film, and at 21 minutes, it was one of the longest "shorts" of the program. This featured an animated bird who tells us how to take better care of birds. There were a few live action segments, one that briefly featured Ward Kimball as a birdwatcher and another that took us to Hinkley, Ohio where we see the annual Buzzard Day.

7. Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too! (1974): Here we got a look at the short that later became part of the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.
I hate Eeyore. I also hate that spell check wants to change his name to Eye Sore.

8. Red's Dream (1987): A rather dreary Pixar short about the sad life of a unicycle who wants to be a clown. This was fun to see again since I don't think this one has been attached to any of the Pixar theatrical films. I think I saw this a few years ago on a VHS collection of Pixar shorts, however.

9. Roller Coaster Rabbit (1990): A funny Roger Rabbit short that was once shown in theaters before Dick Tracy.

10. Destino (2003): A surreal short that was 58 years in the making and was the combined effort of Salvador Dali and Walt Disney. Very fun to watch. It was like being inside Snoop Dog's head.

The program ended at 4:33pm, I think it was later than expected because of the lengthy intro.

20 blocks away there was a Leonard Maltin hosted showcase of Silent Our Gang films. It started at 4:30pm and I had tickets. The executive director of the festival had even encouraged the audience to attend it when he introduced the "Nine Decades of Disney Magic."

So, a few minutes late we ventured into the subway system hoping to get there in time to catch a few shorts.

After waiting over 20 minutes for the train we decided to bail on the Little Rascals and headed up to Applebees to wait for the Roy Disney event.
At first it was a tough choice: wait for a train in a tunnel that smelled like urine or eat at Applebees.
Then I remembered there were no actual "bees" in the food at Applebees.

So I went to Applebees. The urine smell was still around and a for a moment I thought it was Freeze. I later realized it was Philadelphia.

At a few minutes after the scheduled 7:15 start Thom Cardwell came back on stage to introduce a clips package for Roy Disney who was being given the first ever "Inspiration Award" by the festival.



Thom's jacket was still FABULOUS!

The clips package, titled "A Salute to Roy E. Disney" and was a rather lengthy showcase consisting of just about every animated film that Disney film ever made: Pinocchio, Peter Pan, Little Mermaid, Tarzan, Dumbo, Atlantis, Cinderella, Mulan, Black Cauldron, Emperor’s New Groove, etc, etc. After the clips, there were some interview clips that seemed to be off the DVDs for True Life Adventures and Fantasia 2000.

Then Roy walked onto the stage to accept the award and also said that he hoped we didn't think that he MADE all of those films, but he was "proud to be part of the family that did."

After the award was accepted, Roy sat down and was joined by Leonard Maltin.

For the next ten minutes Thom just wandered around the stage adjusting microphones as Roy and Leonard just stared at his jacket.


After some of the most FANTASTIC microphone adjusting of ALL TIME, Thom left the stage.

For the next hour Roy fielded questions from Maltin and from the audience. Some of the highlights were:

-Roy O. Disney used to share a bed with Walt (who was 8 years younger) and Walt would wet the bed. Roy E. said that this was one of his father's favorite stories. He would tell people that "Walt used to pee all over me," then after the laughter let up he would add "and he still does."
I was wondering if he was the one that peed in the subway, but I decided not to ask.

-Roy E. Disney wasn't interested in the entertainment industry as a child. He wanted to design airplanes. He later failed calculus and decided he wanted to become a pilot figuring "..if you flunk calculus you have to give up on designing airplanes."
Sure, but what if you designed the plane out of a frickin' dog!

-Walt refused to join the Board of Directors and wouldn't go to shareholder's meetings because he didn't want to answer to anyone. This caused a lot of fights between Walt and Roy O. Disney.

-Roy E. Disney is the only male child in his family. Walt and his two other brothers did not have any male children so Roy E. Disney was responsible for keeping the family name. He has a son named Roy Patrick Disney and a grandson named Roy Michael Disney.

-When asked about Song of the South he said he has been trying to convince the studio to release it to art house theaters in hopes of making it more available. He called it a "wonderful movie" and said it "deserves to be in the public."
I am not sure that the public is ready for this. I am not even sure they were ready for Thom's jacket and planes made out of dogs.

-When asked about hand drawn animation vs. computer animation he said it was like trying to choose weather oil paintings or water color paintings were better.

-He and John Lassetter really value the concept of playing shorts before a film. There are currently 2 theatrical shorts in production including a Goofy cartoon entitled How to Assemble your Home Theater.

-His favorite film is Fantasia.

-He couldn't pick a favorite theme park ride, but really likes Soarin' at DCA. He said he would love to make a new film for that ride and has expressed interest in doing so.

Overall the questions were good. Of cause, some of the questions sounded like "Hi, I would like to hear my own voice and now I would like to hear you speak to me. I don't really have a question, but could you speak about... whatever."

It was a really fun day (even with the scheduling conflict with the Our Gang films.)

The final Disney program was held on Easter Sunday (I did not attend) and was to feature Disney Rarities. Maltin and Disney said they would be there for that as well.

I, on the other hand, spent Easter Sunday listening to a judge explain to me why I was no longer allowed near my neighbor's dog.

A Very Brady Christmas

A yes, what better way to welcome the springtime than with "A Very Brady Christmas?"

This TV reunion special appeared on TV back in either the late 1980s or the early 1990s. I don't remember.

To be honest, I don't remember that much about the show, but I recorded it off ABC Family Channel a few Christmases ago.

Let's look at it together:


Ahhhhh, a grid full of Brady's! That can only mean one thing... the worst edition of "Hollywood Squares" ever broadcast!



Yes, he is out of focus, but that is Mike Brady. Check out his work out wear. Very stylish. They turned the den into a mini-gym. Look at the weight bench... way to pump that iron! That must be two or three pounds on that bar!



Wait a second! What happened to the Brady's house? Why does everything look like it's made out of yogurt?



I am not sure what was happening here. Perhaps it's a good thing that Barry William's name is blocking everything from our view.



I bet you all know that Robert Reed, who played Mike, was gay. Here he looks like he was trying to make sure EVERYONE knew it. Maybe it was just the style of the era.
He looks like he's either gay, a Latin-born ladies man or Lee Van Cleef.


Hey look! Alice is back! I am so happy to see her! I bet she is happy to see all of us.


Uh... maybe not.


Commercial break: Hey look, I recorded this back when Jennifer Aniston was doing that movie where Kevin Costner was sleeping with her, her mom and her grand-mom. Remember that?
No? Well trust me, it was a real movie.


Back to the Brady's we see this wuss. He's married to Marcia.


Here is Greg. Big ole suck up, Greg. First Dad got a perm, then Greg got a perm. Now Greg has a mustache. Gotta be just like daddy, don't ya?


Commercial break: The were really pushing this show "Wildfire." I guess they hoped it would catch on... like wild fire.
Hahahahaha! I am going to go laugh until I lose consciousness. Wildfire, hee hee hee.


Oh good Lord! Mike is on fire! HEEELLLLLPP! Mike is flaming! Oh, it's just a banner ad for "Wildfire."
Excuse me. I have to laugh again. "Flaming!" Haaaa haaaa.


Remember this stupid chump? He was the one that wanted architect Mike Brady to cut corners on a new building. Stupid man. Mike don't play that way.


Peter Brady makes out with his new TV gal pal. Somewhere his future bride, Adrianne Curry, was celebrating her third birthday.


Hey look! It's Bobby Brady! Remember this? He was a racecar driver. "Racecar" spelled backward is "racecar." "Racecar" spelled incorrectly is "Racceacr."
Look! ABC Family is one of his sponsors!


Here is Jan an her wussy husband. I am not sure why he has a fish tank on his lap. I hate him.


Commercial break: I wonder if the JOKE4 text service is still around. I will try and remember this!


Back to the show, we find Alice at the airport in LA. Look, it's the Encounter restaurant! It's one of my favorites. It was designed by some Disney employers who wanted to give it a "Jetsons" feel! Really!
I love it, and I recommend you guys check it out if you ever go to LAX. I wish I had a joke here.
Wait! Let me text JOKE4! Sending... recieving... ok, here it is:

A man walks into a bar. He lights up a cigarette. The bartender says "Hey! You can't smoke in here!" The man says "Can I watch the hit TV show 'Wildfire?'" The bartender then beats the man to death with a bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Wow, that was worth seventy five cents! I have to go laugh myself silly again.
Oh dear, I think I'm getting a nose bleed.


Commercial break: The Burger King is playing King Kong in this spot. I could really go for a Kong Sized Double Whopper right now.


Commercial break: The video professor! I love these commercials. This guy keeps referring to the CD as his "product."
"Try my product!" He said it six times in thirty seconds! Hysterical!


Oh boy, while we were having fun watching the commercials that building caved in. Mike warned them, and now he has to save him.
Think of this jackass as B. Brian Blair, the building as The Iron Sheik and Mike Brady as Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Save him, Hacksaw! Save him!


Suddenly, Mike is trapped! Oh good lord! If only we could find a way to save him!
No one has any ideas except Cindy... uh... or a girl who looks kinda like Cindy. I guess the real Cindy was just too busy... TO SAVE HER TV DAD.
Well, anyway, fake Cindy tells mom to sing. Singing always helps people escape from certain death.
This ain't going to work. Mike is stuck in there, FOREVER!


Oh. Nevermind.

Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo and Skeet

I like Skeet Ulrich. I thought he was really good in Scream and uh... uh... well... I just like that he is named Skeet.

Anyway, last night I decided to take a gander at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Filmed in 1991 the film features a 21 year old Skeet in the background as an extra.

Yeah, he was 21 in 1991. That means he was 26 when he played a high school kid in Scream.

Sam Rockwell was also in the film, but he's no extra. He plays the "head thug." He only has a couple of lines, but they are kind of pivotal to the film.

He's not really famous, but I remember his name because of a scenario I witnessed in a movie theater when he was starring in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, a truly awful movie about Gong Show host Chuck Barris.

Some old guy approached the counter, pointed at the board and shouted "Hey! Where in blazes is the movie about the Gong Show?"

The cashier points at the board and says "It's Confessions of a Dangerous Mind."

"What? That says it stars Sam Rockwell! It stars George Clooney and Julia Roberts. They are the rootin' tootin' stars of that there picture show!" Then the old man started to jump up and down like an insolent child.

The irritated clerk told him to "act his age" and the old man immediately turned into a pile of dust.

Anyway, the point is that some old guy didn't want Sam Rockwell to be listed as the star in a movie he was a star in.

Sadly, that was a few years ago and the old guy is probably dead. I shouldn't be making fun of him.

Let's talk about Skeet instead. Skeet is also an extra in Weekend at Bernies. If you ever see the film, look and you can spot him, standing in the background.

I have been an extra in a bunch of films. One of my favorites was a John Leguizamo boxing flick.

I never saw the film, but I bet I didn't get a great on screen shot like Skeet did.

Still, my memories of the filming are vivid as any movie I have seen.

I remember this real nerdy accountant looking guy who was in the front row. Actually, I have an accountant, and he doesn't look anything like this guy. This guy looks more like a dentist.

Anyway, this guy was jumping up and down and waving his hands around to try and make sure you would notice him. Leguizamo complained and they stuck him in the back, next to me.

Yeah, that pretty much assured me that I wouldn't be in the film.

But I digress.

Here is a still of Sam and Skeet in TMNT:

George and Barbara's Wedding

All politics aside, I love the presidency. I just love the concept of a president. So, few thing made me smile more than when I stumbled across former President George H. Bush's wedding album at a flea market in Texas.

Let's take a look:


Here is the happy couple in the church. Hey wait a friggin' second! THAT is Barbara Bush? Va va voom! Sheeesh, she was a hottie.
I like Bush's pilot uniform. I know he is a decorated war pilot, but I like that he looks like he is on his was way out to navigate the red eye from Pittsburgh to Kickapoo on Delta.

I also like how no one else is turning around to look at them. They are wearing interesting costumes, TURN AROUND!




Here Barbara dances with Commissioner Gordon from the Batman TV series. Actually, I think it's her dad. Or maybe her butler. I have no idea.


Here the happy couple descends a staircase into what appears to be an enchanted forest.
They seem surprised by something. What, I don't know. Maybe the butler lost his pants.



Here is a full family photo. From left we have Alfred E. Newman, that girl that showed her boobs in Bad Santa, George, Babara, the dean from Animal House, my cousin Beth (if you knew her you would laugh and laugh), Ed Begley Jr., Doc's girlfriend from Back to the Future III and Spencer Breslin.




Hey it's silly hat time! Cool!
Wait a minute, look behind George... is that a goat?



Here is Barbara posing with the Butler and his wife. Check out the butler's wife. She is holding her glove. Maybe after the photo was snapped she turned and slapped Barbara with the glove and said "Keep your mitts off my man! He is just here to buttle."
Actually, now, I think this really might be her mom and dad.
Check out how hot Barbara looks! The dress is starting to slide off and I think she is making an obscene hand gesture.
I am so totally turned on by her I could spit.


This is my favorite! Cake cutting! I love cake... wait a second! Look at that guy in the corner.
EEEEEEEAAAKKKKK! Oh my god, it's some kind of supervillian. Watch out George and Barbara, the Mole Man is coming to get you!

MORE random IMDB goodness...

I love the IMDB, I probably don't go two days without checking it for some reason or other.

Often, I find some strange stuff there and, well, I figure it would be easier to share that with you rather than create some humor on my own.

My laziness knows no bounds.

Here is what I found:

A REVIEW OF SOME MOVIE:

The review reads

"This movie was the most horrible and definetly THE MOST RETARDED movie of all time. I DO NOT LIKE THIS MOVIE AT ALL, it sucks so bad, i swear to god, that every one of my buddies that saw it, with my acknowledgement of watching the movie, they all said it sucked. My friend Fred even cried because it sucked so bad, and he is tough, shot 26 times in the gulf war."

I am not going to even bother to tell you the title of the film. I would be very distraught if you watched it. I am sure you guys are all tough... but not as tough as Fred. Fred was shot 26 times.
But the suckiness of this movie made him weep. He probably wet himself too, but that's understandable. If you were shot 26 times, you'd have to assume that at least one of those shots would have to be in the "pee retention" area.




PHOTO OF CARROT TOP KISSING MARTIN SHORT WHILE MARTIN SHORT WEARS A FAT SUIT:




THE WHAT IF THE BAD GUY PUNCHED NATALIE THREAD?:

I hardly remember the 2001 Tim Allen flick, but I am pretty sure Tim Allen was fighting some bad guy in the film. This post, started by ElChompiras, wonders what would happen if the bad guy punched Natalie.
"I always wonder that" he writes. Sadly the next post was deleted. That might have explained exactly what would have happened. Dammit! We may never know.
bbear1994 mentions that the idea of the bad guy punching Tim Allen's daughter in a film "turns him on."
Welcome to the Internet.


AND FINALLY... MORE RANDOM NONSENSE FROM THE SAHARA MESSAGE BOARD: