Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Coloring Book: Thanksgiving

"Stuffed Turkey."

Get it?

He's stuffed! But not with stuffing. Well, maybe stuffing. The only thing we can be sure he ate is a jar of mustard.

However, he SEEMS to have emptied the entire Westinghouse.

Now he's westing. Get it? Like how a cartoon turkey might say "resting." Oh, and Westinghouse is a company that sells refrigerators.

I am quick with the jokes. I can make funnier jokes than "stuffed turkey."

I wouldn't joke about this turkey, he's hardcore. He ate everything in the FREEZER!!! The FREEZER! Without letting it sit and defrost, I bet.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Adam Sandler


One of the newer stars in the forecourt is Adam Sandler. The star of such flicks as Airheads and Bullet Proof is enshrined at Graumans alongside such names as Charlton Heston and Marilyn Monroe.

Sandler probably spent all night trying to find a way to WRITE in a wacky voice. He couldn't so the cement simply says "Hi to everyone! Love #23 Adam Sandler."

I don't know the significance of the number #23. Perhaps it was his number in the film. I know some websites mention it appearing in his other films, and being his favorite number.

My favorite number is eleventeen fiftakeyorhandsofme.

I bet I would be the only one to write THAT at Graumans.

I better go work on my wacky voice.


The Sears-Vincent Price Collection of Fine Art

October 1962 was an important month for many reasons.

For starters, in 1963 that month would be called Rocktober. But 1962 was not about rock. It was about roll. Rolling to Sears to get a painting.

Man that was a good segue. I think I may print it out and frame it.

Since the beginning of time (actually 1895) Sears has sold art to the masses. Still, in 1962 they noticed that most of the general public did not own any fine art.

So they decided to scare the hell out of the American public.

Vincent Price was selected by the board of trusties to 'seek out little old ladies and suck the blood from their necks... then sell them art.'

Price later explained to them that he was actually only an actor, not Dracula. He also explained that he had never played Dracula. He also apologized (in advance) for his work on Michael Jackson's Thriller album.

Luckily for Sears, Price was a connoisseur of fine art and had collected art and lectured on the subject.

Price picked out the paintings for the collection. Sears originally wanted to put his name in the corner. Vincent balked at this suggestion and the executive said "I guess we can put a price on this painting."
Vincent corrected him "My first initial is 'V' not 'A.' You can't put V. Price on this painting."
Moments later he realized that was supposed to be a joke and he laughed and laughed. They later put a price on the painting.

Prices ranged from $10 to $3,000. Each painting came with the same quality guarantee that Sears puts on its other products.

The program ended in 1971. In the years between Sears customers bought over 50,000 pieces of fine art and celebrated 9 Rocktobers.

Luke and Butch


The WWF in the late 1980s and early 1990s was a very strange place. Each wrestler would be given a "gimmick." This was his costume, his back story etc.

They had some strange gimmicks. One guy was a repo man who would repossess things from his opponents. I am pretty sure he repo-ed a pair of boots from Outlaw Ron Bass at one point. Does that mean Bass had a mortgage at Foot Locker? I hope he did.

One of the best gimmicks was The Bushwackers: Luke and Butch.

They would come to the ring thrusting their bellies forward and waving their arms like a one of those toy monkeys. You know the kind that you press a button and then they wave their arms? Kinda like that.

They would also lick their fans. They bit their opponents. Perhaps they have retired. Or, like a lot of old wrestlers, they are still working on a smaller circuit. Maybe they licked one too many fans and ended up with dysentery and died.

Fare the well, Luke and Butch, wherever you are!

Furby

Furbys look like Gremlins. Or actually Mogwai. They look cute and cuddly. But, what if they truly are more like Spike? What if they are evil?
What if they hated that scene in Gremlins 2 when Hulk Hogan yelled at the projection booth telling the Gremlins to turn the movie back on or... uh... something about his "24 inch pythons."
And what if they told people about this scene, but then they bought the VHS tape and it wasn't there, and people claimed they imagined it. Then they put the scene on the DVD, but it was too late because I didn't know the people that made fun of me. I mean 'made fun of the Furby.'

Not me.

I'm fine.

I won't connect these dots; however, I think Furby is kicking the turf outta a box turtle and I don't want to see that.

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Camping

It's time for some camping fun with two Boy Scouts. I assume this because they are wearing neckerchiefs. Of course the top guy could be Fred from Scooby Doo, but that still doesn't explain his... uh... friend.
Hmmm.
I think the guy on the bottom is trying to start a fire. I think the guy on top is trying to start another fire... in his pants.
Maybe it's a young Leonardo DiCaprio. He was "king of the world" even then. Still, his Napoleon Dynamite... uh... friend is no Kate Winslet.

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