Disney Reschedules 100 Years of Magic Celebration Due To Miscalculation

Here is a press release not yet available to the public.

The legacy of Walt Disney -- his creativity and spirit of adventure -- inspired a year-long celebration that featured special events, new attractions and sparkling new live entertainment at all four Walt Disney World theme parks on Oct. 1, 2001. The event lasted over one year and brought millions of visitors to the Orlando Florida theme parks.

Today, however, red faced Disney executives announced "...we were a bit early."

The 100 Years of Magic Celebration marked the 100th anniversary of Walt Disney’s birth on Dec. 5, 1901. Unfortunately biographers recently informed Theme Park officials that Walt Disney performed no magical feats for the first 8 years of his life.

“The emotional connection that our guests have to the Disney legacy is important to consider, but we should have realized he wasn't like a baby Merlin, or something.” said Walt Disney World President Al Weiss.

In fact, Disney wasn't even a baby Ricky Jay. Walt developed at the same speed as most children, learning to speak and walk and eventually ride a bike.

Still, it wasn't until 1909 that Walt's magic was demonstrated. Walt performed a routine called 'Who Stole the Butter' with a puppet made out of an old newspaper and a dirty sock.

"It was quite magical," Walt's Aunt Sarah said of the show in a 1968 interview "as a matter of fact, it was the first magical thing I ever saw Walt do."

So, the whole celebration will be repeated at the Parks in 2009.

"Luckily" said Epcot Coordinator John Hommol "this 'do over' gives us a chance to fix some of the mistakes we made the first time."

Hommol was speaking of some of the less popular exhibits such as 'Try On Walt's Pants', 'Mickey's House of 1000 Animal Corpses' and 'The Original Pirates of the Caribbean' which didn't actually feature pirates, instead it was just a bunch of Pittsburgh baseball players on vacation in the Cayman Islands. The ballplayers ordered margaritas and complained about Lyndon B. Johnson for most of the attraction.

In addition to the existing parks, the new celebration will take place in time to appear at the under construction 'Disney's Supermarket Fun' Park. That park, scheduled for a 2007 opening is said to have "The largest produce section ever" and 'a bowl of orange juice so freakin' big that you can bathe in it.’

Patrons are not expected to bathe in it.

Forgotten Sports Teams: Seattle Pilots

There was once a doomed baseball franchise in Seattle that only lasted 6 months. SIX MONTHS.

How often do you buy mustard? Once a year? That means your mustard lasts LONGER than the Seattle Pilots!

The Pilots then moved to Milwaukee where they became the Brewers.

As Brewers they have maintained the ability to suck for many years, but as Pilots they could suck for just 6 months.

Oddly enough, the Pilots were only the second team to disappear in one season. The other team was the 1901 MILWAUKEE BREWERS (who became the St. Louis Browns.)

If this coincidence is not enough for you, I off you these other coincidences:

The names Brewers and Brewers each contain seven letters.

The 1901 Brewers had a secretary named Cook
The 1970 Brewers had s cook named Secretary

The Pilots ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
The Browns ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Forgive me; I seem to have lost my mind.

Back to the Pilots.

The logo of the Pilots was kind of weird. It looks normal at first glance but upon closer inspection I found it rather odd.

It looks like a baseball stuffed into a boat's steering wheel that has sprouted wings. It's as if every other team’s logo was stuffed into a blender and pureed.

The team was sanctioned to play in the American League in Sicks Stadium. One of the stipulations was that the team would build a new stadium to play in.

Sicks was built in 1938 and only held about 10,000 fans. MLB asked for that to be expanded to 28,000 as the new stadium was being built. Eventually it was expanded, but the increased attendance brought MAJOR problems.

The water pressure was so low in the stadium that with peak attendance the toilets in the stadium would not flush. EVEN IN THE LOCKER ROOMS.

The Pilots were a bad team and they ended up in last place and at the end of the season they were gone.

Sicks Stadium stayed for another 10 years, and then was demolished. Today it is the site of a Lowes Improvement Warehouse.

EPILOUGE

Sadly I never came up with a good joke about the stadium being named 'Sicks,' but I tried really hard!

Here are some of attempts:

Toilets that wouldn't flush! That is pretty sick even for Sicks!

The pilots were playing at Sicks! I hope they didn't get airSICK!

At least Lowes sells toilets that flush, unlike the sick un-flushable ones at Sicks.

Yeah, I wasn't even trying with that last one; I didn't even end it with an exclaimation point.

Sweetie's Book Review: Show and Tell

Ahhh, 'show and tell', man, THAT brings back memories from my childhood!

I would bring something in from home and show it to the class and they would all wait until the teacher wasn't looking and then they would put one of my pig tails in an inkwell.

Oh wait, I think that was on the 'Donna Reed Show', you know, I don't actually remember much from my own childhood, but I remember EVERY plotline from 'Leave it to Beaver.'

I am serious, all I can remember growing up was:
watching TV
wearing a pair of overalls
looking up swear words in the dictionary
and eating an ice cream cone

Well, that is a problem for another day. Today it is a book review! The book is written by Michi Fujimoto. I have never heard of Michi before, but judging by the last name, I bet he is Swedish.



I wasn't able to contact Michi, so instead I got the Hulk to help with the review.

SWEETIE: So, here he is, via telephone, the Hulk.

HULK: Arrggh. Can you hear Hulk? Hulk on receiver! Hulk can't see through phone! Alexander Graham Bell lousy inventor. Grrrrrr!

SWEETIE: Hi, Hulk. So this is a pop up book! Very exciting. On the cover you appear to be scratching your ear.

HULK: Yeah, raaaaarrrrh! Hulk itches bad, need some Gold Bond powder to cut back itch. Arrrrgggh. Why does little boy poke Hulk's nipple with stick on the cover? Why it say 'APPLE 4+7='? AAARRRRRGGH! Apple is not a number! Hulk confused!!!

SWEETIE: Oh, yeah. Me too. Let's open to the first page.

HULK: Grrrrrrgggggaaah! How can Hulk open the book and hold phone receiver. Hulk need cool headset like Britney Spears wears on stage. Hit me baby one more time! Argggggh!



SWEETIE: Hulk, you look a little drunk on this page. Almost like you are about to fall over.

HULK: HULK NOT DRUNK!!!! Argggguhhhuuuhh! Hulk never drink! Hulk have addiction to prescription pain medication.

SWEETIE: I see. So, Derek is the little boy who brought the Hulk in for show and tell. How did he get you to go for show and tell? Why did you agree to that?

HULK: Hulk is mountain of endless rage, Hulk no have capacity for intelligent thought! Hulk was promised cookies!



SWEETIE: On page two Derek introduces you and then you lift up the teacher’s desk. It makes the sound "Brrumm!" I am not sure how that sounds.

HULK: Urgrrrhhh! Derek looks like he is doing DX chop! What happened to X-Pac and Road Dog? Hulk miss ROAD DOG!



SWEETIE: On the next two pages Derek makes you jump over a flagpole and roar at the class. Did you owe this kid money?

HULK: Hey! Why book make Hulk look like he was a pet dog? WHAT NEXT? Boy make Hulk roll over and play dead? HULK FURIOUS. Hulk write angry letter to Ang Lee.

SWEETIE: Ang Lee? The director of the Hulk movie? What does he have to do with this?

HULK: Hulk can't spell Michi Fujimoto so he write to Ang Lee instead.

SWEETIE: Oh, right.

HULK: Are there 6 or 7 L's in Lee?



SWEETIE: Then, the story comes to a close when everyone claps and says you're 'the coolest.'

HULK: Finally, Hulk get respect! Look at little girl in red shirt waving arms in air like she don't care! Arrrrrgh. Look at little Asian boy on the left, he get to boogie with teacher. GRRRR!

SWEETIE: Oh yeah! That's pretty int-

HULK: Don't interrupt Hulk!!! You make Hulk MAD like Mary Kay Louterno teacher! Why is Derek staring at Hulk's butt on this page? Is he mesmerized by Hulk's muscle-bound bottom? Or Hulk's PURPLE PANTS? ARRRRRGGGGHH. Hulk wan't purple to become the new green! Arrregggegggggh!

(NOTE: Hulk continued to ramble on for a few more seconds and then I hung up the phone and hid in the closet.)

The Hollywood Sign Part 2: The Ghost of the Hollywood Sign

In September 1932 Lillian Millicent “Peg” Entwhistle climbed up to the top of the Hollywood Sign. She then jumped off the letter ‘H’ to the ground below killing herself instantly.

Peg was an aspiring actress, and had gone through a tough divorce. She had only one notable film credit, a supporting part in the film Thirteen Women. This was the 1932 version, not the one R. Kelly made in his apartment.

Peg left a suicide note that shed a little light into her depression, but of course, no one knows exactly what she was thinking as she jumped.

Still, she did achieve immortality, and the most SPECTACTULAR SUICIDE EVER (that is until 1985 when pro wrestler Adolf ‘The Wet Hand’ Sizzor leaped to his death from the top of Andre the Giant.)

If Peg did indeed jump because of her lack of success in Hollywood, she tragically jumped just a little early. A day after she jumped, it is reported, that she received a letter offering her the lead in a show about a woman who COMMITS SUICIDE!

Some may call that ‘irony’, others would call it ‘type casting’, and still others would call it a ‘homonym.’

Those people are just stupid.

But, that is not the end of the story, after all I promised you a GHOST, not just a depressing story about suicide!

After Peg’s death hikers and park rangers in the area of the Sign have reported sightings of a woman dressed in 1930’s clothing who would disappear before their eyes!

She has been described as a very attractive, blond woman, who seems very sad.

Could this be Peg’s ghost?

Or, just a woman who is sad because her clothes are hopelessly out of style?

Also, people have reported smelling gardenia perfume in the area, the same perfume Peg would wear!!! WOW, that is some long lasting perfume! I have to put on my cologne every day! This lady has perfume that has lasted about 75 years! On top of which, it can cover the awful odor of decomposing flesh!

I don’t blame you if you are skeptical of THAT claim. Why would someone report smelling perfume to anyone?

911: What is your emergency?
MAN: Help! I smell Old Spice!
911: What is your location?
MAN: I am outside a Pottery Barn in San Jose.
911: We will send someone to investigate that, sir.

Ironically the man outside the Pottery Barn was later offered the lead in a commercial about a man WHO WEARS COLOGNE!!!!

Over the years, there have been many other sightings of Peg.

Adolf ‘The Wet Hand’ Sizzor was never thought of again.

Coming soon: Alterations of the Hollywood Sign!

Super Hero: Peace Fighter

Once again, I took a trip to the dollar store and came back with a bizarre bootleg action figure.

Produced in China, he is Super Hero.

That's his name.

Pretty bold choice for what has to be the ugliest figure ever produced (including the Paul Giamatti Planet of the Apes figure)

As is the case with most 'made in China' toys, the package is full of unauthorized use of copyrighted photos. A photo of George Clooney as Batman, Alicia Silverstone as Bat Girl and drawings of Superman and Wonder Woman are all on the card.

Also on the package are the words: PEACE FIGHTER!!! SUPER HERO!!!

Peace fighter? Does that mean he fights FOR peace or he simply fights PEACE? Actually, the simple act of fighting disrupts any peace that existed, so he probably is fighting peace.

At the bottom of the package is a choking warning, a recycle logo and a bizarre logo I had never noticed before.





What is THAT supposed to mean? It looks like it is saying 'Snorks are only allowed in groups of 4 or more.'

Well, that IS a good policy.

Looking back, I noticed this on a few of the other toys I have bought on the dollar store. I guess it means that it is not for 0-3 year old children.

I just wonder why they think children look like Snorks.


Before I EVEN removed Super Hero from the package I found a problem. If you look closely at the photo of him in the package, you can see that his cape extends BEYOND the plastic bubble on the card.

Yes, Super Hero's cape was GLUED to the card.

So, I took him out of the package, tearing his cape and removing his strange weapon.

I am not sure WHAT that is supposed to be. Is it a cross bow? Is it a sickle? Is it a new pizza cutter from Ginsu?

Who cares. I lost complete interest in that when I realized his other weapon. Super Hero has a small button on his back, when you press it something magical happens.

A little light turns on above his belt.

Imagine the peace fighting possibilities.

Villain: What are you going to do to stop me?
Super Hero: With my smoldering belly button of FIRE!
Villain: My eyes!!!! Arrrrgh!

Oh Villain, will you EVER learn.

The photos really can not do justice to this figure. He is REALLY ugly, his hands and boots are spray painted, in an INCREDIBLY sloppy manner. As a matter of fact, they are only painted on ONE side.

His face is so poorly painted that I felt sad just looking at him.

It's a good thing they keep the Snorks away, they have enough problems without Super Hero.

Godzilla takes Hollywood

After 50 years of smashing model buildings and thrilling millions of movie fans Godzilla is on the Walk of Fame. Godzilla joins 2,200 other notable stars on 'The Walk' including Bob Hope, John Wayne, Ann B. Davis and Big Bird.

Godzilla was on hand for the unveiling of the new star in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater.

Tsutomo Kitagawa, the actor who wears the rubber suit in the latest film was also in the suit on Hollywood Blvd.

The new flick Godzilla: Final Wars opens on December 4 in Japan.

The film is the 28th Godzilla movie produced by Toho.
The first film featured Raymond Burr as Steve Martin. Really!!! That was the name of his character. I bet some rejected casting choices were: Jimmy Stewart as Billy Baldwin, Eric Von Strohiem as Stone Cold Steve Austin and Fess Parker as Carrot Top.

Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant presided over the ceremony.

"I do hereby proclaim this 'Godzilla Day in Hollywood'," Grant told the crowd. "He's loose, he's wild, and I'm getting the hell out of here."

Godzilla later posed for pictures and blew smoke at the crowd.

In case you are wondering, the Walk of Fame is not all that selective when it comes to who is honored. The honoree has to pay the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce $15,000 and then show up at the ceremony.

Incidentally, Roland Emerich and Dean Devlin (makers of the 1998 big budget American version of Godzilla) took the occasion to announce that they will be producing a more expensive, state-of-the-art version of Godzilla's Walk of Fame star that everyone will hate.