We Got It Made

In 1983 NBC premiered the sitcom We Got It Made. The show was about two sloppy bachelors living in NYC. Since they wanted to keep their apartment clean, they decided to hire a live-in maid. Hysterical!
Of course, a more logical decision would have been to hire a weekly cleaning service, but using sitcom logic, a live-in maid was the answer.
The two roommates David and Jay had to constantly explain the purpose of the maid to their skeptical girlfriends. Hysterical!

The maid was Mickey, a super-hot blonde with no maid experience. Hysterical!
Mickey was part of an odd sitcom trend in the 1980's of giving female characters male sounding names. For example, Jo on Facts Of Life, Mickey on We Got It Made, and I am pretty sure there was a show with a hot chick named Sam. Sorry, I am way to lazy to research this.

I find it odd that they stuck with the traditional spelling of 'Made' in the title rather than the more appropriate and clever "We Got It Maid." Or they could have gone with the more formal "We've Got It Made" or "We Have It Maid."

I would have called it "Maid of Honor" and It would have been about about two sloppy bachelors living in NYC. Since they wanted to keep their apartment clean, they decided to hire a live-in maid. Then the maid would be drafted to fight in Vietnam. Serving in Hue, Da Nang and Ban Me Thuot, the Maid would've eventually award two medals for her outstanding valor. Then she would return to the New York apartment to work as a maid only to find that the two bachelors were now anti war protesters. Hilarity would ensue.
Then, years later, a Cuba Gooding Jr./Robert Deniro film called Men Of Honor would be released, and viewers would finally understand that the title was a play on words. No one would be amused.

The theme song for We Got It Made sounds like a Devo record played while Ray Charles, the voice of Lisa Simpson and Ann Jillian argue in a foreign language that only includes the phrases "Bop bah duh dah" and "Dee Dee Dee Dee," then they all shout "We Got It Made... Yeah!"

In a strange twist the show was canceled in 1984. Oh wait, that was the EXPECTED twist. The strange one was that the show was brought back in syndication in 1987 with new episodes. It only lasted one more season.




Some plot highlights included:

A sleepwalking Mickey ends up in the roommates' beds every night.

David and Jay try to talk Mickey out of working at a nightclub featuring nude entertainment.

Reading what she believes is Mickey's diary, Claudia (David's girlfriend) thinks Mickey wants to have David's baby.



Some plot highlights I just made up:

David rips his pants.

Jay slips on a banana peel.

David and Jay realize that they are gay and fire Mickey and hire a Butler. They change the show's title to "We Got It Butled"





Matt McCoy played David Tucker (one of the sloppy bachelors.) Here is his bio from the IMDB:

Spouse: ? (1985 - ?)
James Stewart is a huge role model. They were also born on the same month and day.

Guest-starred as Lloyd Braun, the gum-chewing former mental patient who befriends Kramer, on Seinfeld.

Fascinating, huh? He married someone in 1985. They might be married, today. Maybe they have a house. Might have been married in a church, or some other place. Wouldn't it be great if he and '?' got a maid? Maybe the maid could be a huge Jimmy Stewart impersonator. Really HUGE! Like 6 foot 5 and 500lbs. Then they could all chew gum. THEY would have 'it made!'

Anyone else remember this show?

A shocking Presidential scandal

When you think of Presidential scandal, you think of one name:

AMY CARTER
Sure, other sites are will give you information on current political scandals.
And, sure, those scandals may have some effect on your life at some point. Maybe elections will be decided and wars will be fought over THOSE scandals. But, where are those websites when you need information about thirty year old pseudo-scandals?

I'll tell you where they are... NOWHERE.

Why? Simple. They don't care about you.

CBS doesn't care about your need for Presidential offspring trivia.
NBC doesn't care about your lack of an Amy Carter fix.
KFC doesn't care about your need for small pieces of chicken in a popcorn container.

Oh, wait maybe THEY do.

Amy Carter was nine years old when her father became president in 1977. Amy lived a MUCH different life than other children her age. She had a tree house built on the South Lawn and she would have tea parties there. The difference was that Secret Service agents were posted below the tree house.

On a side note, the tree house has remained vacant for most of the past 25 years. The notable exceptions were when the Attorney General jokingly told Dan Quayle it was the Vice Presidential White House. Quayle stayed in the tree house for 6 months.
Clinton also used the tree house as his 'I'm scared if my wife so I hide in here' house.

Amy's big scandal came during the first half of her father's only term. Ordered to go to boring state dinners by her father, she brought along a children's book and read to herself during the dinner and speeches.

The scandal broke quickly with people everywhere complaining that reading in front of dignitaries was just plain rude!

'RUDE LITTLE GIRL', 'SPOILDED ROTTEN', 'READING IS BAD','BOOKS SUCK' shouted the headlines, I assume (I don't know how to work the microfilm machine at the library so I made the headlines up.)

Amy was called "a lamentably spoiled, perpetually tired, whining brat with miserable manners." by a German reporter.

In Amy's defense a German reporter also later called David Hasselhoff "An American treasure with a voice like an angel and a body like Herr Karnack!"

Probably not the SAME reporter, but who cares?

Freezy Freakies

In the 1980's technology was more prevalent in the world than ever before.

Inventions like cordless phones and computers captured the imaginations of millions. We cooked in a microwave, slept under a heated blanket and dreamed about Pac-Man.

LIL GUY'S PAC-MAN DREAM

Lil Guy sits at his lemonade stand.

LIL GUY: Come on! Someone buy my friggin' lemonade so I can buy tickets to see a Mister Mister concert!

Suddenly Pac-Man pulls up in an ice cream truck. He hops out and pulls out a giant comb.

PAC-MAN: Need a combing?

LIL GUY: Yes, Pac-Man, yes I do!

Pac-man begins to comb Lil Guy's hair. Suddenly Chuck Norris shows up.

CHUCK NORRIS: Lil Guy, I'm gonna knock you out.

PAC-MAN: Over my dead body, Norris.

Pac-Man jumps on top of Chuck Norris and begins pummeling him. Lil Guy grabs the lemonade pitcher and slams it over Chuck's head.

Even entertainment was inundated with technology as movies like War Games and Tron stressed both our love and fear of technology.

So it seemed natural that we had technology in our gloves.

Actually it is more science than technology, but that screws up my whole intro. So, let's pretend it is technology. Basically they were gloves with pictures on them that would appear and disappear with the temperature changes.

The gloves themselves were not very comfortable because they had to be plastic to accommodate the design.

Still, the gloves became PHENOMANALLY popular. So popular that people in the cities were getting mugged for their gloves.

MUGGED FOR THEIR GLOVES.

If that isn't a sign of the apocalypse I don't know what is.

Hulk Hands Poetry Slam

This is the very first post ever written for bunchojunk.com:

Here is a poem I wrote about the toy phenomenon known as Hulk Hands:

Hulk Hands
To be like Hulk, such might, such power
Hulking up and smashing walls
I slide you on, you mighty glove
Remember that little girl from the Pepsi commercials?

It appeared on the site on May 15, 2004. I think it is pretty funny, but, I obviously didn't work too hard on it.

Here is a brand new Hulk Hands poem:

I wake and Hulk Hands play around my bed
Green like Kermit to my wondering eyes
Upwards to the glorious Bixby I raise my head
Then lay me down and thoughts of Hulk arise

This is another attempt:

If Hulk Hogan stole bread in Iran
As punishment they would cut off his hand
Still, one could not wear it as a glove
That is the reason it is Hulk Hands I love

So now, it is your turn! Comment with your best Hulk Hands poem!

Vibrating pro wrestlers and other lousy toys

The WCW was the WWF's major competition for many years.

WCW stood for World Championship Wrestling. Hecklers, however, would make signs saying it stood for many other things.
Thing like 'We Can't Wrestle' or 'Worst Choice Wrestling.' Some would also put things like 'We Can't Watch' and 'Winter Coats for the poor to Wear.'

WCW was owned by Time Warner. Many people believe that Time Warner was one of the Cosby kids. It wasn't. That was Malcolm Jamal Warner.

Time Warner was on A Different World. Time Warner played Duane Wayne, I think.

The WWF had been making wrestling toys for over ten years and the WCW needed to compete.

The WWF's first line of figures was HUGE! Not just in popularity, but in size. They were about 8 inches tall and made of rubber. They were not posable, rather they could be bent, and they would spring back into place. They were molded in weird poses, many that made it IMPOSSIBLE to do a wrestling movie. These figures couldn't stand up on their own and they couldn't do much of anything, but they were fun.

The WWF followed these figures up with the thumb wrestlers. The thumb wrestlers were available 2 in a pack and you would put them on your finger to thumb wrestle. This did not help you thumb wrestle better, in fact, it made it HARDER to thumb wrestle.

I used to just take them off and make them fight against the full sized Roddy Piper, pretending that Piper had been hit with a gamma bomb (to explain his new size.)

So, it was no surprise in 1994 when WCW teamed up with Old San Francisco TOY MAKERS to make a line of WCW figures. The figures were not a success. They had the same poor articulation that the large WWF figures had, but they also did not LOOK like the real wrestlers.

However, WCW had a trick up their sleeves.

THIER FIGURES VIBRATED.

Huh? As strange as it sounds the figures had a button that, when pressed, caused the figures to vibrate.

I have no idea why this feature existed. The only reasonable use for this was to pretend that Lex Luger and Sting were watching Pokemon before a match.

Then you could press the button to simulate their epileptic seizure.

The Rainforrest Cafe

The Rainforest Cafe is the most delightful of theme restaurants. The chain, which has been expanding as of late, serves exciting food in an even more exciting atmosphere.

The restaurant looks unlike any other restaurant on earth. The walls and ceiling are covered with fake vines and plants. Diners are surrounded by animatronics animals. It's like Indiana Jones meets the Hall of Presidents (only with slightly less Abe.)

The mascot of the Rainforest Cafe is Cha-Cha, a big eyed frog. Cha-Cha looks a little like Kermit the frog only with volleyballs instead of ping pong balls.

When you enter the cafe you walk into a large gift shop. In the shop you can choose from hundreds of games, toys and house wares featuring Cha-Cha and the dozen or so other mascots they utilize. One of the products they have is a version of Monopoly called Rainforest-opoly.

Odd, I thought we WEREN'T supposed to build hotels in the Rainforest.

Before you enter the Rainforest Cafe you approach the hostess station. There you give your name and wait for them to call your party. When they do, they do it thusly:

Guy Hutchinson, safari of four, Guy Hutchinson safari of four.

SAFARI OF FOUR!

I was so excited I shot a man in a tiger costume and mounted him on the wall.

You enter the dining room through a large doorway that doubles as a fish tank. The kids LOVE it.

KID 1: Look its Nemo!
Kid 2: Wow! Look, there's Dory!
ME: Hey! It's the Incredible Mr. Limpet!
KID 2: You're a dork.
KID 1: Yeah, let's beat him up and take his Rainforest-opoly.
ME: Nooooo! Not my precious Rainforest-opoly.

The menus feature both American and Caribbean inspired dishes. The most famous menu item is the Volcano.

The Volcano is a beautiful looking dessert shaped like a volcano. When it is delivered to the table, servers shout:

VOOOLLLLLCCCCAAAAANNNNOOOOOO!

Originally when they opened they would shout:

Crappy Tommy Lee Jones movie!

But, that seemed too wordy.


Every fifteen minutes the animals erupt in a chaotic, animatronics frenzy. The fifty or so animals start jumping and screaming. They shake the trees and walls and make a lot of noise.

It's like having the Lakers win the NBA finals 4 times an hour!