bunchojunk: now available on computers

Wanna see a sweaty Andre the Giant in front of a Sanford & Son mural with spanish words typed on him?

2012-01-25T10:16:00.000-05:00

Who wouldn't?

Andre the Giant vs Car

2012-01-25T10:08:00.001-05:00

Andre the Giant was a big man. A big, awesome man.

He liked to stand next to small cars.

He could fit in a small car if it was a convertible.

He could lift a small car.

I found these pictures on this forum where people where sharing old wrestling pictures.

Here is Andre next to an old time car:

Andre tries to get in... cue the Benny Hill music:

Trying to squeeze in:

He got his head in. That's a good start:

Alright, that's not working...

How about butt first (first time I ever wrote that sentence)...

Sad Andre can't get into a car. Boo hoo.

Yeah. Sad ending to this. But to cheer y'all up, here's The Rock dressed like L.L. Cool J outside a gas station with a fan:

Meet the Presidents

2012-01-24T20:46:00.001-05:00

I picked up this board game today for $2.

Meet the Presidents. A board game about Presidential trivia from the early 1970s.

It comes with a set of coins with every POTUS from George Jefferson to Cynthia Nixon's dad.

Look at that spinner. Complicated as all get out. If I was prez I would have one of these to make all my decisions.

Here are sample questions "when did Lincoln marry?", "who wrote the first tariff bill?" and "what number is Herbert Hoover thinking of right now?".

Here's the game board:

It stops with Dick Nixon:

The copyright date is 1965, but Nixon's inclusion makes this particular edition 1969 or later.

Here is the instructions:

I know it's too small to read, but would you really read it?

Bottom line: Wheezy Jefferson was First Lady.

Disney Classic #6 & 7

2012-01-24T11:28:00.000-05:00

Saludos Amigos & Three Caballeros really are companion films.

Both films feature Donald Duck and both took place in South America.

They were released in 1942 & 1944. Saludos is the shortest of the Disney Classics clocking in at 42 minutes.

It's a fun film with lots of live action travelogue sequences and a few shots of Walt Disney.

José Carioca is introduced in Saludos and then in Caballeros he and Donald are joined by Panchito Pistolas.

The highlight of Saludos. for me, is the Goofy sequence "El Gaucho Goofy". In this Goofy shows us how to live like a Gaucho which is explained to be the Latin American answer to cowboys.

Three Caballeros is a more standard animation running time of 70 minutes. My favorite scene is the finale "Donald's Surreal Reverie".

I like these films. They are package films (as are the next few Disney classics). The package films were made up of small segments tied together.

I like these films. I watch them more than most of the films on the "Disney Classics" list.

On can't really say why. It's most likely because they have a real "old time" feel. Plus Donald Duck. I love Donald Duck.

How old is Charo?

2012-01-23T18:58:00.001-05:00

It depends on how much of a perv Xavier Cugat was.

From wiki:
Official documents in Murcia, Spain (where she was born) and the United States indicate she was born in 1941, but Charo has insisted she was born in 1951 and persuaded a United States court to uphold the 1951 birth year as official.[citation needed]

The performer has said in past interviews that her parents allowed her to falsify her age to appear to be older after marrying 66-year-old band leader Xavier Cugat when she was 15.[2]

Further complicating the question is the fact that contemporary press reports gave her age at marriage as 21,[3][4] an April 1966 column on the wedding plans stated she was 20 and Cugat was 60,[5] and columns less than two years before the marriage refer to her as Cugat's "18-year-old protegée" — which, if she was falsifying her age, would have made her actually 13 at the time.[6]

In October 1977[7] — the same year in which Charo filed for divorce from Cugat and became an American citizen — a United States court upheld the 1951 birth year as official, with the performer providing a sworn statement from her parents in support of her claim.[8]

Commenting on the disputes over her age, she has said that the public's disbelief could prove advantageous: "But if people really believe I'm older, that's fine. Don't be surprised if I come out with my own cosmetics, a new energy bar and maybe some vitamins."[2]

This dude

2012-01-23T07:34:00.001-05:00

I have been watching Barney's Halloween an absurd amount of time.

My son loves it.

To keep my sanity I keep looking at the actors and try and think of the backstory of their character.

This dude has no lines. He just quickly walks by the camera with a few kids.

I imagine those aren't his kids. He's the uncle.

He's a successful dentist, but often has to leave work to watch his two nieces. They are his sisters kids.

His sister is the head producer on Oprah. He gets a bit annoyed that he spends so much time away from his job (and his life partner, Dennis) but he loves his sister.

I call him Steve. Steve Sasquahana.

Mrs. Pennypacker

2012-01-22T13:48:00.001-05:00

Mrs. Pennypacker appears in my son's favorite DVD:

Mrs. Pennypacker appears during one of the genuinely funny parts of the show.

BJ & Baby Bop are discussing Halloween with a Vaudeville inspired back and forth:

BJ: When you go to the door say 'trick or treat'.
Baby Bop: ok, I'll say 'treat'.
BJ: no say 'trick or treat'!
Baby Bop: I choose 'treat'.

Sure, it's no Abbott & Costello, but it's the high point of this show.

In order to get through the repeated viewings of this I have decided to imagine the back story of each character.

Mrs. Pennypacker's husband was convicted in a ponzi scheme in 1989. He died during the trial.

The jury found her innocent due to her story that she didn't know what he was doing... but she did.

She enjoys the show "Three and a Half Men" and she puts a little brandy in her night time tea.

She always wanted to learn how to ski. She spends the weekends with her two grand kids Bobby & Dobby. She secretly resents her son in law for insisting on the name Dobby. She thinks it will ruin his life.

Before her marriage she dated James Fargo, who later became secretary of treasury in the Carter administration.

Yep. That's what I imagine. It passes the time.

Farmer Dooley

2012-01-21T15:04:00.001-05:00

I have a son. He loves to watch Barney's Halloween Party.

Over and over. Again and again. All year round.

You will get the typical "I hate Barney" from me, because I don't.

I think it's a pretty clever show. It teaches kids with silliness & song. One of the cleverest things is that they use centuries old songs with new lyrics.

There's a reason "Old McDonald" is still sung today. It's catchy.

The kids are fun to watch and heck... the show has a DINOSAUR. I gotta like it.

That being said, it takes a lot of fortitude to watch the same episode over and over.

To pass the time I try and come up with a back story for all the characters. For starters there's Farmer Dooley:

This dude is obsessed with apples.

He tells the kids about the importance of apples to the world. He then sings a song about apples.

The lyrics are something like "Apple dumpling, apple beer, apples headphones for your ear. "

I think Farmer Dooley lives in a house made of apples. He drives a car powered by apple juice and sleeps on a pillow full of apple sauce.

He tells folks he is married, but actually he just has a pile of apples in his house that he dressed up like a lady.

Overall, Farmer Dooley is a good guy. Sure, he tried to pay his taxes with apples. Yeah, he has a knife he carries made from an apple core. Yes, he roughed up an orange farmer once.

But he's generally nice. Just don't mention bananas to him.

$90

2012-01-20T14:50:00.001-05:00

I have this DVD. I haven't watched it, but I have it.

Once, about 4 years ago, I found this in a Best Buy. It was released in conjunction with the DVD of Iron Man.

I didn't but Iron Man... I bought this.

I was intrigued by the awfulness of this film, but not enough to watch it.

I almost watched it yesterday. Almost. I did Google it and found it's out of print.

Wow. $90. I am off to put this in my safe deposit box. Retirement fund secured!

He wanted nothing from nobody!

2012-01-18T11:43:00.001-05:00

I always loved the film Phenomenon.

I like the story and I like that the title reminds me of the Mahna Mahna sketch from The Muppet Show.

The other thing I really like is Robert Duvall's performance, the following scene in particular:

Doc: [after hearing several of the townsfolk openly disparage George in the Bar] Why do ya have to tear him down? What are ya so afraid of? What have you got to lose? He wasn't selling anything!

He didn't want anything from anybody! He wanted nothing from nobody! Nothing! And you people have to tear him down so you can sleep better tonight! So ya can prove that the world is flat and ya can sleep better tonite! Am I right? Am I right?... I'm right... The Hell with all of ya. The Hell with everyone of ya.

Its a great little monologue delivered by a pro. But some little juvenile part of me always chuckles when he delivers it because I want it to go slightly differently...

Doc: [after hearing several of the townsfolk openly disparage George in the Bar] Why do ya have to tear him down? What are ya so afraid of? What have you got to lose? He wasn't selling anything!

He didn't want anything from anybody! He wanted nothing from nobody! Sure, he wanted something from somebody. I suppose he wanted everything from everybody... I guess he wanted to get busy with a busybody. Sure! But... uh... what were we talking about?

Hey! I know that guy!

2012-01-18T10:20:00.000-05:00

Character actors! I love them. Those are the actors that appear in dozens of movies over and over but never in a starring role.

They keep things moving forward in the movie but don't dazzle you with flashiness.

I watched a 1989 Kojak TV movie yesterday and was astounded by how many of these guys I saw in the film.

In the film Kojak is lured out of retirement for a case involving a little girl.

He works with this guy:

Andre Braugher is best known for his on Law & Order and Homicide. He's also done dozens of movies usually playing a military officer or judge or cop.

Hector Elizondo played the villain. He has 138 credits on his IMDB page. In other words, if he has a DVD shelf that holds 100 DVDs it won't hold all the ones he appeared in.

Mike Starr has even more credits. 182! I remember him best from his part in Dumb & Dumber and in Ed Wood. He's the guy that asks Ed "Are you a fruit?".

Joe Grifasi has 109 titles starting in the late 1970s. He has done everything from The Deer Hunter to Batman Forever. I'm not sure that makes sense, but those were the two titles atop his IMDb page.

This guy, James Rebhorn, has played the President of the USA at least two different times. He has appeared in 118 films working with everyone from Pacino to Matt Damon. Again, the two names I threw out don't really help you understand his career any better. They just were both at the top of his IMDb page.

David Margulies played the mayor in Ghostbusters. He's done 70 different films over the years, often playing doctors.

He's been everything from a heart doctor to a surgeon.

So what did we learn?
1. There are pretty interesting people that work alongside Kojak.
2. Never overlook the supporting players in your favorite film.
3. I don't know how to make good comparisons.

Tracking

2012-01-16T23:34:00.001-05:00

I buy a lot of VHS tapes. They are super cheap and you can find amazing titles that aren't on DVD or Bluray or Netflix or on YouTube or on your face.

But nothing bums me out more than a bad tracking problem on a VHS tape... uh... well, starving children in Africa bums me out more.

Look at that!!! Don't you want to see that? Well don't look at your DVD player. It doesn't know what to do to help.

Remember this kid? He'd show up at the beginning of tons of old tapes telling you to adjust your tracking because the tape was recorded at EP and is total junk.

That kid may look familiar to you today... he is Presidential candidate Rick Santorum. Maybe.

Duh.

Oh, while I'm on the subject what was the deal with this VCR feature:

Why does the "auto tracking" need to announce itself in giant letters in the center of the screen?

Look manufacturers of VHS tapes and VCRs, fix these issues!

That advice would have been better given a few decades ago. Oh well.

Here is the full "tracking advice" video:

Nostalgia

2012-01-16T18:37:00.001-05:00

Here's a screenshot from the 1983 flick" Valley Girl".

The old style Master Card and the charger-slider-thingie. I remember these! It made this loud crunching sound as they copied your card number. It wasn't electronic so I see why it's a thing of the past.

Still, seeing it kinda made me wish it would come back.

Fixing the Howard the Duck DVD cover

2012-01-16T16:12:00.001-05:00

I just realized something is missing from the Howard the Duck DVD cover.

Check out the original poster:

See the difference? Yeah, his feet aren't on the poster, but that's not it.

His cigar is missing!

Seriously? I know they love to censor smoking from things, but Howard needs his cigar! Plus, how many kids take up CIGAR smoking because of a duck in a nearly 30 year old movie?

I'm fixing it.

A little coloring and cutting and we have this:

Done.

You know, maybe I should add something so that no one misses the cigar...

Yeah. That's better.

Watergate Hotel paper

2012-01-15T23:47:00.001-05:00

A few years ago my brother stayed at the Watergate Hotel. He brought me back this stationary. I treasure it... even though I assume it was in a suitcase with his dirty laundry at some point.

Atari paddles

2012-01-15T23:45:00.001-05:00

Here is an oddity in my video game collection. These are unopened Atari paddles.

I found these in my in-law's basement. They long since gotten rid of the Atari, but never got rid of these paddles.

These are never used! On one hand this makes me happy... but thinking of my wife growing up without playing breakout with an Atari paddle makes me sad.

Disney Classic #5: Bambi

2012-01-14T20:06:00.001-05:00

Looking at the poster for Bambi, first I am surprised that Bambi was a book first. Second, I am surprised Bambi is a male deer and not a hot chick.

I have never read the book... in fact I don't think I ever SAW the book. Other Disney flicks like Cinderella and Snow White are often read by kids and adapted by different cheapo companies with low budget DVDs and such.

Not Bambi.

I am sure there is a reason for that, but I don't want to bother looking it up.

Bambi is a change of pace from Dumbo.

Literally.

Dumbo is fast paced. This film floats along slowly with long interludes of beautiful music and great animation.

One of the reasons I think the pace seems so slow is that the famous "Bambi's mom gets shot scene" isn't until about 45 minutes in.

Oh yeah... spoiler alert.

I've seen this movie a bunch of times, but as I watched it tonight I kept thinking "when is she gonna be dinner"?

After she finally croaks Bambi has a quick chat with dad and then BAM, he grows up.

Bambi's dad is a stern mysterious character. He should have had a mustache.

There are a few moments after that that really stand out from an animation stand point.

Particularly the fight Bambi has as with the other deer suitor. I mean the other deer that had the hots for his dame. Not some guy who fits deer for a suit and tie.

Another great scene is the fire. Breathtaking.

They made a sequel a few years ago called Bambi 2. I know the direct to DVD sequels Disney makes are often derided, but Bambi 2 feels really necessary. I really want to see what happens in the middle of this film and THAT is when Bambi 2 takes place. Plus Patrick Stewart plays his dad.

In fact, I am watching it now! Bye!

Oh yeah, I give Bambi two hooves up. Fantastic flick.

DVD gimmicks

2012-01-13T09:58:00.000-05:00

I am a sucker for a clever DVD case. If they come up with a unique way to present it, I can't pull out my wallet fast enough.

Actually, it's not just DVDs. I can't tell you how many times I have bought a drink because it was served with a light up ice cube or bought a plate of ribs because it was served on a trashcan lid.

But back to DVDs, I listened to the Movie Brain Rot podcast (and I know, I plugged it the other day too... but i'ts a good show.)

The most recent episode was all about clever posters and catchy DVD box art.

In response, I made a video to send to Jim Desantis, and thought I would share it here:

Here are some others I own that DIDN'T make the video:

The "Big Lebowski" bowling ball:

The "Total Recall" Mars shaped tin:

The "Showgirls" boxed set with shot glass and playing cards:

Here are a few I don't own, but find neat:
The "Basic Instinct" faux ice case with ice pick (pen).

NOTE: I just realized the last 3 gimmick packages were ALL of films made by director Paul Verhoeven! Coincidence? Most likely!

Here is the "Wicker Man" wooden box:

And finally the first season of "Coach" in a DVD set that's pretending to be a notebook... that's pretending to be a football:

I actually own that coach set, but I listed it with the others I don't own... because I am ashamed I bought it. Oddly enough, I am not ashamed I bought "Showgirls".

Siri

2012-01-12T10:44:00.000-05:00

I love Siri:

If you don't know about it, it's a female robot voice that answers questions on iPhone.

Here is the description from Wikipedia:

Siri (pronounced /ˈsɪri/) is an intelligent software assistant and knowledge navigator functioning as a personal assistant application for iOS. The application uses a natural language user interface to answer questions, make recommendations, and perform actions by delegating requests to a set of web services. Apple claims that the software adapts to the user's individual preferences over time and personalizes results, as well as accomplishing tasks such as finding recommendations for nearby restaurants, or getting directions.

Siri was originally introduced as an iOS application available in the App Store. Siri was acquired by Apple Inc. on April 28, 2010.

Siri had announced that their software would be available for BlackBerry and for Android-powered phones, but all development efforts for non-Apple platforms were cancelled after Apple's purchase. Siri is now an integrated part of iOS 5, and available only on the iPhone 4S, launched on October 4, 2011.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Who cares. The bottom line is my phone talks to me.

There are some fun things people have found from asking her wacky questions, like these:

I love her. I talk to her all the time. We have a complicated relationship:

She is pretty good at finding restaurant or telling me when my uncle's birthday is, but she can't answer everything:

The last question led me to wonder if she was one of those crazy birthers. She is:

Sadly, Siri has her limits:

House & House II and Norm & Cliff

2012-01-11T13:22:00.004-05:00

Listening to the latest episode of the Movie Brain Rot podcast I was delighted to hear them mention House & House II.

I have a soft spot for this double feature of ham-fisted horror. You know why?

This is why:

Yep. The barfly version of Laurel & Hardy... wait.... Laurel & Hardy were probably barflys... they seem like it.

Anyway, forget the Laurel & Hardy comparison, Norm (George Wendt) is in House:

Here is a picture of him Housin':

Cliff (John Ratzenberger) is in House II:

Here he is Double Housin'

I kept waiting to see who would show up in House III!

Then I figured a few sequels later they would make:

But, sadly there never was a TRUE sequel to House II. There was a film that a studio pretended was House III, but it wasn't.

Plus no one from Cheers was in it so it certainly doesn't count.

Anyway, check out Movie Brain Rot. If you are fan of the quirky side of cinema you will love it.

A-B-C-D-E-F Cookie Monster

2012-01-10T23:03:00.001-05:00

Remember this clip from Sesame Street? It features a girl reciting the alphabet with Kermit the Frog, but she keeps saying "Cookie Monster"

I found it fascinating as a kid. I just wondered how the graphics guy had a "Cookie Monster" graphic ready. I also wondered what other muppets he had in the graphics machine.

Old junk

2012-01-10T15:49:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been sprucing the site up and I am pretty happy with how it looks.

I wanted to give you a brief overview of what happened/is happening here...

The old site was actually made up of 6 different blogger sites. This was due to blogger restrictions, mostly regarding layout.

Over time it had become very difficult to update because of the components involved and some of the dead technology that was used on different aspects of the blog.

So I made a few other separate blogs one called Superfans of the WWE Universe:

Superfans is just a series of amusing screen-caps from old wrestling events. I totally stole the idea from "People of Wal-mart."

I did another blog that was dedicated to the hats Mrs. Howell wore on Gilligan's Island:

I started ANOTHER blog about movie locations. This was mostly because I like searching for movie locations on Google Earth and I thought it would be nice to keep a list of them.

Meanwhile in 2010 I got a gig blogging on The Ken PD Snydecast Experience, a blog dedicated to the popular podcast of the same name... minus the word "experience".

All this left bunchojunk.com in a sad, outdated state. I updated it occasionally, but that was always a real pain in the neck.

Over the past few months I have been working on updating the site and I am pretty much finished. The site looks good now and is easy to post to. I usually dictate the articles into my iPhone and it types them for me.

Simplicity!

I was eventually able to merge all of the different bunchojunk sites into one blog and fix all the dead links. It's mostly done.

For a while there was a huge hunk of posts that I couldn't merge. I tried running them as a separate site under the name "Cuts the Pizza With Scissors" but it seemed redundant to an epic-ly redundant degree.

Eventually I was able to merge those posts back in.

Now everything bunchojunk is here and you can search for it like any other blogspot blog.

The other blogs are all linked to on the side. I also have another domain guyhutchinson.com that used to be a redirect to this site.

However, I was able to use the different widgets that blogger provides to make it a self updating look at every site I write on.

In addition I have been going back and updating the old articles a few at at time. Many of them have broken links and missing images. I have been updating the links and adding new images and embedding video clips when applicable.

I forget 90% of what I wrote on here so most of them give me a laugh.

Here are three that stood out to me lately:

Gofer Cakes was about an amazingly well crafted fake commercial from the late 1990s. Read about it here.

Snow's Informer was about a horrible song. A horrible, horrible song. Read more here.

Soy Bomb was about the time some annoying dude danced next to Bob Dylan with "Soy Bomb" written on his chest. Read that one here.

Hulk Hogan's fist helmet

2012-01-09T10:10:00.000-05:00

Did ya ever Google something and NOT find it? It's odd!

The internet knows all, right?

A few years ago I had a moment like this. I was sitting at a Denny's talking old school wrestling with a friend and as I bit into my Moons Over My Hammy I remembered something.... Hulk Hogan's fist helmet.

It looked like this:

Now, this was pre-iPhone so when my buddy stared blankly at me I had no ability to Google a screenshot... or Yahoo it or whatever we were doing back then.

So for the next 20 minutes I blabbed on and on about this helmet and he didn't believe me. Hogan was a "good guy", why would he stoop as low as to use a weapon?

I didn't remember.

"Perhaps he had a head injury." I said.

"Perhaps you had a head injury." he countered.

So after consuming the remained of my hammy moons we headed out.

I feel the need to interrupt this story at this point. I had intended to just throw up a photo of a plate of Moons Over My Hammy, but a Google search gave me too many choices. Here are my favorites:

Actually, that brings me to my point. We left Denny's and I made him come back to my house so I could look up the Hogan helmet. I found nothing. I just kept typing things like "hulk hogan helmet" and "hulk hogan fist hat" and "hulk hogan headgear" and no results. Eventually he left. It was awkward.

Flash forward to today and YouTube recommended this video clip:

During the clip Vince mentions the helmet and he says it was never used. Then Hogan says he thinks he used it once.

So I Googled "hulk hogan helmet" and found some images, all courtesy of this message board thread: link.

They even had a magazine cover:

I can't wait to tell my friend. I am sure he forgot the conversation.

My Pittsburgh Parrots

2012-01-08T23:12:00.001-05:00

A few years ago I attended a game at Pittsburgh's fantastic PNC Park.

Like any good consumer I made a stop at the concession and bought a few things. First was this:

The Parrot is the second best mascot in MLB (after the Phillie Phanatic, obv.)

After grabbing the parrot in a giant bin of identical parrots I headed to the cashier... then something caught my eye.
At the bottom of that bin I could see something odd. It was a plush with a different green hue.
I reached in and dug until I unearthed this guy:

How long was he waiting? 5 years? 1000 years? Who knows. Now he gets to sit on the shelf near my desk. I like to pretend the two parrots are constantly chatting... one talking 2012 slang, the other talking like a late 1800s ball player.

Disney Classic #4: Dumbo

2012-01-08T18:45:00.001-05:00

Dumbo is a fantastic film. Just a delightful story with wonderful songs and colorful characters.

It's a total departure from Fantasia. Where Fantasia was long and highbrow. This is a sweet little film about a circus and the credits roll just after the 1 hour mark.

My favorite sequence is the drunken pink elephant scene. Which seems to run for 1/3 of the film.

I give it 10 firefighting clowns.

The Hanover Bean

2012-01-08T13:22:00.001-05:00

I hear people say that guys of my generation aren't real men... that we never grew up and are really giant children.

I disagree. I have a house and a mortgage. I take calcium supplements. I eat fiber bars. I floss... occasionally. These are totally grown up things.

However, as adult as I may be I still couldn't resist getting this:

This little guy was a mail in prize if you bought cans of beans.

Seems like a weird company to do a toy give away. But they did.

Kid Bean.

The Astro-nots

2012-01-08T11:09:00.001-05:00

Here is an old book I picked up at a garage sale last summer. The date inside the cover is in Roman Numerals (should numerals be capitalized??) so unless I travel to ancient Rome (should ancient be capitalized??) we will never know exactly what year it was published.

Still it's fun to flip through.

I started to read it the day I got it but I never finished it. It's almost 250 pages. As silly and simple as the writing is, there is still a time investment with this book.

The plot has to do with Tom and Jerry both competing to become astronauts. Astronaut training seems to have a lot of spelling involved. Seriously, I think the entire second chapter is about the spelling test they had to take to go to the moon.

Jerry wants to go to the moon because he thinks it's made of cheese.

I like that this book exists. I like that people put time into crafting an absurd story and drawing pictures so any youngster with 69 cents could enjoy Tom and Jerry's trip to the moon.

at the end of the book there is a list of other books you can buy some of which seem to include Tim Tebow going places:

They also list other books available on the back cover:

I don't know about you but I'd love to read "Spiderman zaps Mr. Zodiac" or "Pink Panther's Adventures in Z-land."

But, I probably wouldn't finish them either.

Disney Classic #3: Fantasia

2012-01-08T04:11:00.001-05:00

I have a confession. I don't like Fantasia. It's really dull.

For starters, could they have picked a duller host?

He just goes on and on about who knows what. Blah blah blah orchestra blah blah music blah blah nutcracker blah blah Dinosaur.

Obviously the artwork is beautiful and so is the music and I actually like classical music.

But 2 hours of this is a bit tedious.

Sorcerer's Apprentice is fun and the centaurs are great but everything seems to go on way too long.

I can't imagine a child sitting through this by choice. Now Fantasia 2000, on the other hand, is good fun.

I am glad that Disney had the guts to do something interesting like this. I am sure it has plenty of fans and I am probably just too lowbrow for it.

I give it 2 dancing hippos. Up next is Dumbo!

The Vader Burger

2012-01-07T17:11:00.001-05:00

Here is something I saw Widget Walls tweet... he saw it on ABC news who probably saw it on the website that stuck the watermark on it...

... and they stole it from France.

Who cares. Point is in France they made a Darth Vader burger.

It's black and sorta looks like a bowling ball with a skin condition.

The article said something about the bun being dyed black. They also said its only in France. Sounds like I have to buy some dye... and burgers.

Disney Classic #2 Pinocchio

2012-01-07T13:42:00.001-05:00

As the follow up to the ground breaking Snow White, Walt & company did the classic Italian tale Pinocchio. I'm sure you know the story.

Geppetto is, kind of, a weird character. He makes the puppet because he's lonely, then when Pinocchio comes to life he immediately sends him to school.

I assumed this was so he could wish for the blue fairy to bring him a supermodel.

My favorite scenes are on Pleasure Island. I would love to go to that place! Cigars, booze & fights! I don't care if they turned me into a donkey at the end. Fair trade off.

There are a whole bunch if villains in this flick. Stromboli the evil puppet master is a riot. For some reason he and Geppetto are the only people in Italy who have an Italian accent.

I wish Disneyland had a walk around costumed Stromboli. I also wish I had a stromboli or a calzone... or even a plate of microwaved pizza bagels.

Disneyland does have 2 of the other villains: Honest John & Gideon.

Honest John's full name is J. Worthington Foulfellow. His partner in crime, Gideon is referred to by John as "Giddy". Because of this, growing up, I thought his name was Kitty.

This made sense. He is a cat.

Anyway, thoroughly enjoyable, I give this film 4 long wooden noses with branches and a bird nest on the end.

Disney Classic #1: Snow White & the Seven Dwarves

2012-01-07T09:01:00.001-05:00

I decided it was time to re-watch every one of the "Disney Animated Classics".

There are 51 of them, the newest being the 2011 film Winnie the Pooh (which is the only one I haven't seen yet.)

I don't have a deadline to finish these and I am still going to watch other movies when I feel like it.

The list of films is a bit weird when it comes to inclusions and exclusions. I ranted about that once on The Snydecast blog so I won't do it again.

Bottom line, watching these 51 flicks is a great way to see the history of the Disney studio unfold before your eyes.

That brings us to the first movie: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

I watched it the other day and it really shows that they were top notch right out of the gate.

Some of my favorite parts involve the evil queen. Any movie that has a villain who wants the heroines heart (brought to her in a box) is tops with me.

The dwarves are delightful and Snow White's voice is wonderful on the ears.

Disney chose a classic story to make his first (but not the first... don't let Disney tell you otherwise) full length animated film.

The thing about these stories is that they had been told & retold over and over working out any kinks.

I would have to give this one a 7 on a scale of 7 dwarves. It's great.

WWF Wrestling Arcade Game

2012-01-06T15:23:00.001-05:00

Here is a neat little thingamajig that I picked up last year.

It's a small little video game type thing that shoot at WWF wrestlers of yesteryear.

I like to call it "Sniper at Wrestlemania".

It's a bit weird when you think of it. You shoot "good guys" like Hulk Hogan and "bad guys" like Earthquake and other guys like Sgt. Slaughter who were both bad and good depending on the year and I would have to look for some copyright date to determine if this was before or after he 'wanted his country back'.

If you don't remember that... be thankful.

Here is a neat little aspect of this game, the gun is pointed at a plastic screen so the bb's don't actually fire from the barrel of the gun, they fire from below the gun.

Still, it's pretty accurate.

I bought it at a wrestling convention... yes, they have such a thing... and it cost $25. I think it was a pretty sweet deal.

Nobody has two Orkos

2012-01-04T10:56:00.001-05:00

I created this image. I hope it becomes an internet sensation.

EDIT: 2 hours later and it isn't sweeping the internet.... yet!

Hurry up and start sweeping! The internet need to be swept!

Me on TV

2012-01-04T10:04:00.000-05:00

On 12/23 I went to NYC and stood in the crowd for a live TV broadcast... what happened next would shock an entire nation:

Not really, but my family members who watched the show thought it was funny to see me on camera.

Here I am reacting to a 2 month extension of the payroll tax cut:

How did I react? With a mixture of moxie and compassion and a bit of confusion as to what this meant... did I get more money or less? I wasn't sure.

Here I am looking at a blonde:

Here I am looking at something the dude from Brookstone was showing host Neil Cavuto:

This shot looks like he was asking me a question about men looking like idiots on TV. Sadly he was not. He was talking to the dude behind me... this was a subject I was becoming an expert at as minutes ticked by!

Darkness fell upon NYC and giant mice emerged from the sewers to share cheese with me:

Is that not enough me for you? Watch this video, at 3 minutes and 38 seconds I get sad that I am not on camera so I start awkwardly leaning into the shot:

Feliz 2012!

2012-01-01T10:43:00.000-05:00

From twitter.com/guyhutchinson:

#5 they are at Disneyland!

#4 sexy ladies dressed as super-heroes:

#3 this guy:

#2 Anderson Cooper cameo (far superior to being hosted by Anderson Cooper)

And the #1 reason #feliz2012 on Univision is better than the US countdown shows... This kid's mustache:

Christmas Wrap up... Wrap up

2012-01-01T10:33:00.001-05:00

Alright, I think that's pretty much everything.

There was more, but I got a new iPhone for Christmas and now the old pictures are on a hard drive and it would take a long time to get them and they aren't even that great.

I did see the some stuff and tweeted about it, like the ice skaters in Rockefeller center:

I also saw St Patricks Cathedral and on Christmas eve I tried a Polish Christmas wafer ceremony.

Can't wait for next year.

Christmas wrap up... part 3

2011-12-31T08:26:00.001-05:00

I love this gift wrap. I don't recall what was in it anymore, but the paper was delightfully retro:

I went to a few Christmas concerts this year. The first one was a barbershop choir:

It cost $50 a ticket, but you ate delicious food and you got to hear wonderful singing.

I noticed that my party (wife, kid & I) were the only ones that didn't have a family member up on the risers.

I guess that we were the only ones that wanted to see a guy with a giant mustache sing about the birth of Christ even if he wasn't my uncle.

I also saw a grade school concert:

My nephew was in this one. I tried to get a photo where I could see him, but that didn't happen.
No giant mustaches here, and no mention of Jesus or even Christmas.
This was a public school so that means you get tons of talk of snow and winter, but little else.

I know talk of "The War on Christmas" or whatever it's called angers some peeps, and I don't feel like doing that. But it really felt like no one mentioning the elephant in the room and awkwardly beating around the bush.

It felt like people trying to point out your fly is down without saying it.

I think I just compared the birth of our savior with a zipper. I better move on:

This was a concert in Princeton NJ featuring Santa playing a harpsichord (I think) and Snowy the Snowman dancing.

Here see how it looks from another angle:

Similar.

I also went to Sesame Place's Furry Christmas about a dozen times and saw multiple Christmas themed shows with muppets dancing and talking about snow and Santa.

On Christmas Eve I dressed as Santa, read "Twas The Night Before Christmas" and I ate fish.

The feast of the seven fishes is an Italian tradition and being Italian (and hungry) I ate seven different types of sea creatures.

It was ordinary stuff like crab & shrimp for the most part. Back when my grandma was around we got the more exotic stuff like eel.

Not sure what I'd prefer.

I also spent an afternoon listening to Christmas records. Everything from classics with Bing Crosby to a wacky Christmas mystery record with Scooby Doo.

But that's not all!

To be continued... again.

Seriously, I intended to put this all into one post. I just had too much fun for one post!

Hopefully the next one will be last.

Christmas wrap up... part 2

2011-12-30T11:17:00.001-05:00

Yeah, Christmas was grand. I wrote something or other about it the other day, but it's a distant memory. Probably wasn't very good.

Here is the Christmas village I have in my house:

It's not one of those pricey sets you see at those high end Christmas shops, I got these all after Xmas '08 for half price at Walmart & Walgreens (from a clerk named Wally with his cousin Walter from Wallingford... tee hee hee.)

Still looks pretty lit up:

Wow. That picture sucks. Trust me, they look better in person.

My village has an extra touch in the back:

Yep, Santa ain't the only one coming to town!

Speaking of Santa:

I got this back in 2002. Its a 4 foot tall dancing Santa. I remember seeing them everywhere in 2002. Haven't seen another since.

Mine wears a WWE Nexus hat (shhh, don't tell him they broke up) and a Red Man chewing tobacco fanny pack.

He stands next to my Festivus pole. If the "Festivus yes! Bagels no!" sign makes no sense to you, go watch that Seinfeld episode again.

I have a nativity set in my house at Christmas, and no, I don't let Godzilla near it.

I put up a bunch of trees every year. They are all fake and I love them just fine that way.

Above is the main tree in the house loaded with ornaments (mostly of the wacky pop culture sort.)

This is a great tree I picked up at Walmart for $20. The stuffed animals are just stuffed into the tree. It made for a good way to display the dozens of Xmas plush we seem to acquire.

This is a pretty standard tree. Lights, garland and bulbs. The tree is actually black. Looks nice.
Across the room is a small table top tree decorated the same. I didn't take a picture of it. Just imagine a simple tree.
Actually, since you are imagining it... make it amazing.

In my hall I have this little tree flanked by bric-a-brac.

Finally I put this little retro blue tree on the kitchen table which slowly becomes covered in Christmas cards as the season progresses. I don't send out any cards. I'm a jerk.

I also have a carousel horse wearing a blue hat & flowered leis. There is a muppet on his back.

This has nothing to do with Christmas, I just wanted to share.

Christmas is much more than decorations, I went places, did things and watched others do things... but it will have to wait for another day.

Peace out, homies.

Christmas wrap up... part 1

2011-12-28T09:36:00.001-05:00

Wow, I had a delightful Christmas season this year... and it's not totally over yet. I still have a few more visits to Sesame Place's Furry Christmas event scheduled before 2012 strikes.

For me, the Christmas season starts the day after Halloween, but kicks into gear on Thanksgiving morning when I attend the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Parade.

If you haven't seen it, it's really similar to the Macy's Parade in NY. In fact, Philadelphia's parade pre-dates that and is the oldest in the country.

Then I watch tv & movies. Lots and lots of em.

From Thanksgiving till New Years day I try and see as many Christmas programs as possible. This year I watched such Xmas classics as A Charlie Brown Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, Home Alone & Frosty the Snowman.

I watched some lesser classics like Batman Returns, Elmo Saves Christmas, Surviving Christmas & The He-Man & She-Ra Christmas.

I also watched some total duds like Alphabots Christmas, Laverne & Shirley's Christmas & Star Wars Holiday Special & The Santa Buddies... but honestly, I loved em all!

For the past several years I have hosted a 12 hour Christmas marathon and this years was a doozy... packed with snowmen, Santas, wookies & Judy Garland it was a total blast.

I collect Xmas shows and this year my DVR is maxed out with holiday episodes of Lawrence Welk, G. I. Joe, Family Ties & Wonder Years.

On December 23rd I was outside in the front of the crowd at Neil Cavuto's Christmas show on Fox. It was fun to see me on tv without hearing a newscaster saying "he was arrested and charged with indecent exposure. The restaurant was forced to throw away all the pizza."

This year I started (and continued) a handful of traditions. On Christmas Eve I read "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". I also tried Christmas wafers and ate fish. But we can talk about that later. Right now I feel like ditching these pants and getting a pizza...

Karen the gifts...

2011-12-24T13:47:00.001-05:00

I have watched a bunch of Christmas themed sitcom episodes this month, and I watched most of the Cheers episodes that squeezed some yuletide cheer into the plot.

But my favorite Cheers Christmas moment was not in one of these episodes. It was in a regular season 4 episode called "Cliffie's Big Score.

Take a gander:

Woody Boyd: [the telephone at the bar rings and Woody picks it up] Cheers. [pauses to listen] Yes ma'am, right away.

Woody Boyd: [to Carla] There's some lady screaming her head off.

Carla Tortelli: What she want?

Woody Boyd: I don't know. All I can make out was two-timing.

Carla Tortelli: [yells] Sam. Telephone.

Carla Tortelli: Woody, listen up and learn something.

Sam Malone: [Woody hands the telephone to Sam] Sammy here.

Sam Malone: Oh, hey, I thought you'd like those flowers.

Sam Malone: Yeah, no, no, that sounds like my note, "Thanks for a wonderful evening Barbara, I had a great time."

Sam Malone: Well of course I know your name's Karen.

Sam Malone: Ah, you know, I see your mistake here. You see, you didn't realize that to me Barbara means Karen.

Sam Malone: Well, because, because, ah, because Barbara reminds me of Barbra Streisand, and you know that song about people.

Sam Malone: Well, I am getting to it. Um, you know the line "first be a person who needs people"? Well, who was the first person?

Sam Malone: Well, all right, no, no, the first female person was Eve. And who's the most famous Eve of all but Christmas Eve, right?

Sam Malone: Yeah, what do you do on Christmas Eve but you go carolin', right?

Sam Malone: No, I know, I know your name's not Caroline. But after you go carolin', what you do is you 'karen' in the gifts.

Sam Malone: Yeah, yeah, well, apology accepted, sweetheart. Talk to you in a bit.

The Vespa from When In Rome

2011-12-23T11:08:00.000-05:00

Do you know what a Vespa is? Do you recall the movie "When In Rome"?

Neither do I, but about 2 years ago I saw this car at Disney's El Capitain Theatre.

Yep. That's all I got for ya today.

The Star Wars Holiday Special

2011-12-20T16:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Life Day, peeps.

Alpha-Bots Christmas

2011-12-20T15:54:00.001-05:00

Oh my. Words fail me.

Well, not entirely. But The Alpha-Bots Christmas is one of the strangest things I have ever watched. Strange in an amazingly awesome way.
It starts off with a news bulletin. In black and white for some reason. I'm not sure if this is supposed to indicate that this takes place in the past.
There are some new robots that are now available. 26 of 'em. A-Z. They charge in the box. That's important. Remember that.
Then we see an old time radio and we hear the news bulletin again.
I am confused about the old time radio and black & white footage, but it's the least of our worries.

Oh yeah, they charge in the box, don't forget?

Then Santa shows up and talks to Z-bot. Z-bot wants to go and play, but Santa insists he stay in the box. He charges in the box, you know.

For a product that charges in the box, I am surprised that the box is a simple flimsy cardboard box.

Poor planning.
Then bots A through Y show up and ask him to come play. It's around this time that I noticed that Z-Bot sounds like Orko.
Z-bot insists on staying home. He'd like to play, but Santa is a control freak.
The other 25 bots sail around the neighborhood.

This is how they play. Just flying around. Don't get me wrong, I can't fly, so I would be awesome to fly around the neighborhood... I just expected some rowdier play from these robots.

Something more fun. Like when other robots romp around in movies like Terminator.

About ten seconds later they get bored and go back to Z-bot. They figure they will play with him at his house.
Then they start to slowly spell out letters as Z-bot reads the letter back.

By letter "C" I started thinking that they wouldn't do the whole alphabet. They couldn't... could they?

Yep.

What happens next? Well, you have to watch to find out.

But remember, they charge in the box.

Scroll back up for the video if you dare. Or just close this page and move on with your life. Makes no difference to me.

My Christmas Marathon

2011-12-17T13:27:00.001-05:00

Every year before Christmas I run a marathon of Christmas shows at my house.

The marathon runs for 12 hours and I have done it 5 times.

Tomorrow will be the 6th annual marathon.

I have a home theater that seats about 20 comfortably. It seats about 26 uncomfortably.

The schedule changes every year and there are very few shows that have been repeated over the past decade.

Friends & family come and go throughout the day some staying for just one or two shows, others sitting through 3 or 4 hours. Only I have stayed tuned for the whole marathon.

I don't show movies, just shows and specials. I try and make the variety of programs vast and emphasize the obscure over the traditional.

I didn't keep a list of the shows we watched for the first few years, but I am fairly certain I have never shown any of the shows on this year's schedule before... except The Jeffersons Christmas episode. It's the one where George is mysteriously dropping gifts off to another family. I played that in the year two marathon (I think.)

The final program on the schedule this year is "The Star Wars Holiday Special"... but for the sanity of myself and my guests I have edited the special... a lot.

My VHS tape ran 2 hours. I cut it down to 43 minutes. It's still awful, but its a fun campy awful... not a slit your wrists awful.

Below you will find the schedule for this year:

12:00pm 1976 Captain & Tennille Christmas (50 minutes)

12:50pm 2001 Jay Jay the Jet Plane – Jay Jay’s Christmas Surprise (15 minutes)

1:05pm 1965 A Charlie Brown Christmas (25 minutes)

1:35pm 1991 Rugrats Christmas (25 minutes)

2:00pm 2005 The Alpha Bots – Christmas (29 minutes)

2:30pm 1996 Elmo Saves Christmas (58 minutes)

3:30pm 1995 Mary-Kate & Ashley - The Case of the Christmas Caper (25 min)

3:55pm 1952 Jack Benny Christmas Show- (Edgar Bergen & Charlie McCarthy) (25 minutes)

4:20pm 1977 The Jeffersons: 984 W 124 Street Apt 5C (25 minutes)

4:50pm 1990 The Frugal Gourmet: Colonial Christmas (60 minutes)

5:50pm 1978 Christmas at Walt Disney World (50 minutes)

6:45pm 1960 The Twilight Zone – Night of the Meek (25 minutes)

7:15pm 1991 Back to the Future: Dickens of a Christmas (25 minutes)

7:40pm 1969 The Brady Bunch The Voice of Christmas (25 minutes)

8:05pm 1954 Meet Corliss Archer: The Christmas Presents (25 minutes)

8:30pm 1981 Alice –Mel’s Christmas Carol (23 minutes)

9:00pm 1981 A Chipmunk Christmas (25 minutes)

9:30pm 1963 The Judy Garland Show Christmas (59 minutes)

10:30pm 1977 Good Times: Penny’s Christmas (23 minutes)

10:45pm 1955 The Honeymooners Twas the Night Before Christmas (25 minutes)

11:15pm 1970 Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (Rankin Bass) (47 minutes)

12:00am 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special (43 minutes-edited)

It should be a blast! In addition to the shows on the schedule I have a couple DVDs of shorts that I squeeze in whenever I am ahead of schedule.

The shorts include vintage Christmas cartoons, trailers for Christmas films and some odd silent Christmas footage from the Edison film company.

So, now you know what I am doing tomorrow. I will try and tweet a little during the marathon. But I can't promise much. I bet my brain will turn into gingerbread halfway through Captain & Tennile's version of Jingle Bells.

Photos of Mr. T on eBay

2011-12-15T14:43:00.000-05:00

I am a big fan of Mr. T.
I have been a fan since I was a kid sitting in my pajamas on Saturday morning eating Mr. T cereal as I watched the Mister T cartoon.

Yeah.

They spelled out "Mister" for the cartoon.
I don't know why.

Checking eBay I found some amazing photos. I guess a better word than amazing would be weird. I don't have too much to say about these, but I wanted to share.

This is Mr. T together with Emmanual Lewis. It's a promo for the amazing Christmas special "A Christmas Dream.
You can buy it here:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-MR-T-EMMANUEL-LEWIS-Original-Photo-1984-/110481648067?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item19b93829c3#ht_500wt_1055

God, eBay links are ugly.

You know what ISN'T ugly? This:

Hogan and Mr. T butting heads and for some reason Mr. T has Hogan's world title.
Go for it:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/GC05-Body-Slam-HULK-HOGAN-MR-T-Television-Press-Still-/390369533386?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item5ae3d65dca#ht_1796wt_1039

At first glance this looks totally normal. But what the hell is Dick Clark doing? He's holding a couple rods and making a face like he was caught by a fish hook.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Dick-Clark-Mr-T-7x9-Photo-B2820-/120708736873?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1c1acd2769#ht_484wt_1430

Prior to Rocky 3 and The A-Team, Mr. T appeared on the show "Games People Play" as part of a World's Toughest Bouncer. Of course he won.

They had a little person tossing contest. Wonder if Mr. T considered tossing Webster in the Christmas special.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Mr-T-Games-People-Play-Original-7x9-Photo-C4326-/120788664478?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1c1f90c09e#ht_500wt_1055

Mr. T and Bob Hope hula dancing. Yep. This was part of "Bob Hope's Wicki-Wacky Special From Waikiki, Hawaii".
Nothing I could add would even be noticed by any of you at this point. I assume you are in a state of shock.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Bob-Hope-Mr-T-A-Team-7x9-Photo-B3032-/110671871051?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item19c48ebc4b#ht_484wt_1430

This appears to be Mr. T giving Ed McMahon 5 million dollars. Then he butted heads with him and tossed him... I hope.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Ed-Mcmahon-Mr-T-Original-8x10-Photo-C7369-/110784518953?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item19cb459b29#ht_500wt_1055

Michael Jackson punching Mr. T. One of the cool things about this photo is that Mr. T is holding all of his gold chains. The chains he wore on A-Team were designed to have 1 hook in the back for all of them. That's why he can hold 'em with one hand.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/MICHAEL-JACKSON-1985-MR-T-1-RARE-8x10-PHOTO-/120640116304?pt=Art_Photo_Images&hash=item1c16b61650#ht_4995wt_1039

What a fantastic group of pictures. I hope you love em.

Art is stupid

2011-12-13T07:15:00.001-05:00

The other day I was at an event at Citizen's Bank Park, home of the Philadelphia Phillies.

I was waiting in a line which meant I had to stare at that painting for 47 minutes. Or something I wasn't counting.

Just look at this awful thing. Everyone has tiny heads and Kim Kardashian sized rumps.

BTW, that's a total shot in the dark on the spelling of her last name. If it's wrong, then imagine I have a similarly named friend who also has a huge caboose.

Just look at that rear end! Seriously! This dude enters a room in the morning and his butt gets there at lunchtime.

I like that the little smoke detector thingie looks like a parolee ankle bracelet.

By the way, the reason I was in line was to see Santa, this Santa:

Now THAT is what I call art... and he has a big butt too.

Sesame Place Christmas 2011

2011-12-11T09:49:00.001-05:00

I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying the Sesame Place Christmas event. I mean that literally. I can't tell you because I am typing this on my phone and it would take longer than I wish to type on this thing.

I've written about Sesame Place before. You can search for it, but it's probably full of broken links, missing images and gimmick commenters.

You know what? You should look for that!

In the meantime...

Sesame Place is a kiddie park and I have a kid... but I'm not fooling anyone, I enjoy it more than my son.

Normally the park shuts down at Halloween and stays shut until it's springtime.

But this year, they transformed the place into a tacky (in a good way) winter wonderland.

Characters dress in winter scarves. Stage shows about jingle bells and 2 different places to meet Santa... actually that's pretty weird. It's not that big of a place. Must be a union thing.

At night they light the place up, and it snows on Sesame Street. Every night.

The shows are all fun. Most are your standard Santa and jingle bells stuff. The Elmo's World Happy Holidays show is a bit of an exception. It's based on the home video of the same name.

The DVD covers the birth of Jesus, Kwanza and Chanukah.

This version is abridged but gives a nice overview of the three holidays.

To me few things say "merry Christmas" like fake facades and costumed characters. I know that's weird... but I am glad there's a place to find that just outside Central Jersey.

Spooky

2011-12-09T15:08:00.000-05:00

Do you get "Something Weird" on your cable box's ON DEMAND menu? Something Weird is a company that puts out odd old movies and seems to have a treasure trove of nonsense with no place to put it.

So, they put it ON DEMAND.

This particular bit of motion picture madness is a featurette designed to advertise some kind of horror stage show starring Kara Kum. First a nerd comes on the screen and tells us all about it.

He says each line slowly followed by the 'sinister laugh' that is so cliched I have seen four year olds do it on Halloween night.

This ad is old, so perhaps the 'sinister laugh' still scared people. Even when it came from some postman's disembodied head? Maybe not.

Then they show us title cards as an announcer repeats the same nonsense about Kara Kum... or Kara Kum's. They can't make up thier minds.

They promise 1001 thrills. That's a whole lot of thrills.

Then they back it down to 18.

Still, 18 uncanny acts is a pretty dang good show.

Wait... whaaa?

That's a neat trick. I would tell him to produce Ice T. Then see if he produces the ~~rapper~~ Lifetime TV cop show actor.

That's pretty cool. Especially if you went to this stag.

Wow. Again, now I don't know if I want to be in the theater. What if I am THAT audience member?

Yeah, at this point that wouldn't be impressive.... unless she is wearing the sexy body suit this poorly drawn lady is wearing in the ad.

After a whole bunch of these claims the voice over poses a question:

No. I don't believe.

Shhh.... I'm Santa

2011-12-09T11:28:00.001-05:00

I am sure most families have a relative that plays Santa for the family.

For my family, it's me.

Every year I make the rounds on Christmas Eve and tell the kids to go to sleep on time and be good all next year.

Search terms...

2011-12-08T15:16:00.001-05:00

The above image is the top search terms that led people to this site.

#1 Ed Asner shirtless.Seriously. No kidding.

If you Google "Ed Asner Shirtless"... and I mean with the website Google ya perv... this site is the top result.
We are the #1 source for all your shirtless ed asner needs.

The article in question is this:http://bunchojunk.blogspot.com/2006/08/vincent-j-mcmahon-and-shirtless-ed.html
Which reminds us that the tree most important moments in film history are:
Rhett Butler saying "Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a damn."The end of E. T. when Elliot told him "I do give a damn."and Vincent J. McMahon chatting with a shirtless Ed Asner.

#2 Foot shaped rug

This search leads people to

http://bunchojunk.blogspot.com/2006/03/jolly-green-rug.html

Where we discovered the Jolly Green Giant rug!

Think how jealous the neighbors would be! Plus, when the sad day comes that the family pooch dies, stick him under the rug and tell people: "Fido was squashed by the Jolly Green Giant."

#3 Bigg Mixx

Glad to see this website is keeping the spirit of Bigg Mixx alive into 2012.
http://bunchojunk.blogspot.com/2005/12/bigg-mixx.html

This article talked about a 1990s cereal Kelloggs claimed was "swept off the floor".

This swept off the floor thing is no joke either. That seems to have been the marketing. Remember, cereal is sold to kids who are, by nature, filthy disgusting creatures and the early 1990s was a time of edginess.
Alternative rock, independent movies and unsanitary cereal. It was a golden age of edginess.

#4. Bunchojunk
Oh yeah. That makes sense.
I must confess when I bought this url I was amazed no one had swept it up. It seemed like a pretty catchy name. I assumed it would eventually be the name of a Jim Carrey film and I would get millions of dollars for the URL.
I also assumed we would all have wheels for feet by 2011.

#5 Big Mixx cereal
Same as three, just spelled better, but wrong. Or right... but wrong.

#6 Dick Vitale Alarm Clock

This search will lead you here:http://bunchojunk.blogspot.com/2005/01/dick-vitale-alarm-clock-its-awesome.html
And, yes, I am still using this clock every day almost 7 years after this post was written.
So me and Dick Vitale's wife have something in common. We both get to wake up every morning to the sound of his voice.
It's awesome, baby.

Fake Christmas Ornaments

2011-12-07T12:14:00.001-05:00

I love Christmas Ornaments! Some effectively capture the mood of the season... like this holiday cow:

Others... not so much.

A few years ago I got this:

I don't get it. It came in a fancy ornament box and it was labeled as a "Christmas ornament" but why? Just because there is a hole for a hook on it? Would it kill them to put a Santa hat on him?

Same thing here. Why does Marilyn Monroe on a phone represent Christmas?

Well, rather than be eternally annoyed I embraced the "everything is an ornament" mentality.

In 2004 Pepsi released "Holiday Spice" which was basically Pepsi with a hint of cinnamon.

Now it's an ornament.

How about this:

Can you think of a reason why a 30 year old Gilligan's Island bath toy can't be an ornament? Well, keep it to yourself. He's on the tree now.

A Christian Hosoi skateboard? Why not?

How about a Rubix cube keychain? Yeah.

How about a Hannukah dreidel? You know there are 74 different ways to spell Hannukah? That isn't one of them.

How about a Garbage Pail Kid who is electrocuted at the touch of a button? Of course!

Nothing says Christmas like executing kids.

Actually, I think King Herod wanted the infant Jesus executed on the first Christmas. Wow. This article is now intellectual mumbo jumbo. It's all an allegory or something. Excuse me as I go grow a beard and buy a turtleneck.

Don't Kiss Her Grits After Midnight

2011-12-06T07:44:00.001-05:00

Hey look! Polly Holliday, TV's Flo, is in Gremlins!

She plays the mean old rich lady that hates the dog.

Mrs. Deagle ends up being launched through her roof on some handicap stair climber.

I never connected that that was the same lady that came to the bank with a broken snowman head. Likely because she didn't have her red wig on.

My Christmas Tradition

2011-12-04T08:01:00.002-05:00

Every year I give the gift of lousy cinema to a friend. He gives me a bad movie in return and then we watch them both and try and decide which is worse. Its a fun tradition and has lasted over 10 years. I have listed all the results here.

We both look hard for a bad movie. Sometimes I end up buying a 1/2 dozen films because I keep finding one that looks worse. It's not enough to just grab a copy of "Gigli" and be done with it. We both try and find the "so bad it's good" type of film. We actually have to watch these so we always hope for something fun.

Over the years we have seen Burt Reynolds teach football, Orangutans sing about Teddy Roosevelt, Tony Danza as a hitman and the mom from Lassie playing a ninja.

This year he brought this:

"The Final Goal" is an awful soccer film that stars Erik Estrada as a dude who wants to fix the World Cup... I mean The Global Cup. The DVD cover says it's The World Cup, but it also uses the word "exciting" to describe the film. It's full of lies.
The plot is so convoluted I had trouble following it, but here is the best summary I can do:
Estrada plays a former soccer player who was injured during a game. Now he's an angry millionaire who wants to destroy the sport by fixing a game and then exposing that he fixed it so that Americans will stop watching soccer and return to watching baseball. Oh yeah, this film takes place in a alternate universe where more Americans watch soccer than baseball.
So Estrada pays off the players to throw the game. Then he kills some of them. He kills the ones that ARE in on his scam to scare the ones that aren't. Not sure why he didn't just kill the ones that WERE'NT in on it...
The hero is the backup goalie who is mad at a teammate for putting his brother a vegetative state by hitting his head against a soccer goal... rather gently.
Later that bad guy gets hit harder in the head with a frying pan and recovers quickly. This killed my theory that this film was in an alternate universe where humans had no skull.
The film ends with a delightful "Global Cup" game where the stands have about 12 people in them but the movie dubs over crowd noise that sounds like they are playing in a packed LA Colosseum.
I brought this:

This late 1970s Disney flick was based on the Mark Twain story about a modern person who ends up in King Arthur's time.

In this version it's a NASA robot builder and his robot twin who accidentally get stuck on a rocket that inexplicably ends up in the era of Merlin & the knights of the round table.
Special effects are beyond laughable. We see plastic models hang from strings as they shake the camera to simulate movement.
The lead actor was such a dud I assumed that he never acted again. This was pretty much true, but he directs all of Adam Sandler's films. This means he likely has more money than everyone I ever met... combined. It made it less fun to laugh at him.

Anyway, both flicks were perfect! Bad movies that were a blast to watch... but "The Final Goal" was worse.

Stuff in my Amazon Cart

2011-12-02T11:42:00.000-05:00

I love Amazon. I buy everything there. But often I am clicking through the site and I spot something that I would like I put it in my "cart" but never complete the purchase.

Then it sits in there. Like a sad to do list of assorted media.

Eventually I buy some of it, but much of it still waits. It makes me think of that claw machine scene from Toy Story. It also makes me think of Benji... but pretty much everything makes me think of Benji. I love that dog

Here are some of the items in my cart right now:

The Encyc-RAW-pedia CD-Rom:
Wow, this is weird. Do you think a bunch of wrestling executives were in a conference room and created this absurdity? How did that happen? I bet it was something like this:

Executive 1: Let's put out a WWF encyclopedia CD-Rom!
Executive 2: No! Let's put out an encyc-RAW-pedia CD-Rom! Hahaha!
Executive 1: I slept with your wife.

Stoogemania VHS:
I vaguely remember reading about this and putting it in my cart. It was a movie designed to cash in on a Stooge resurgence in the 1980s. Its a low budget movie about a guy who likes The Three Stooges. I just glanced at the wiki page and it made my brain hurt. Stupid movie.
Still, I am leaving it in my cart.

Vans: The Personality Vehicles:
A book about sweet custom vans! This looks so awesome. What a strange time the 1970s were. This book looks like it belonged in the "Young Adult" section.
I like the little bit of tape in the corner. That's probably where they Dewey Decimal number was.
I am a bit confused by the "IRP" on the back tire cover.
I am going to pretend that the van was owned by a guy who called himself Wyatt Irp.

Anyway, this stuff is still in my cart. Waiting.

Christmas Marathon

2011-12-01T15:22:00.000-05:00

I love Christmas! Over the past few years I have been collecting Christmas specials on DVD. I run a marathon of them for friends and family every year.

I keep a master list of shows and I wanted to post it here.

This list doesn't include anything over 65 minutes or anything that isn't "family friendly". I own plenty of Christmas movies and specials that are longer but I wont play them in the marathon due to time.

The list also has some odd notations that tell me where I have certain DVDs. Don't try and figure it out. You will go crazy.

Updated 11.30.2011

1901 A Holiday Pageant at Home (5 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1905 The Night Before Christmas (9 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1906 A Winter Straw Ride (7 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1909 A Trap for Santa (16 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1910 A Christmas Carol (9 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1912 A Christmas Accident (15 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1914 The Adventure of the Wrong Santa Claus (14 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1915 Santa Claus vs. Cupid (16 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1925 Santa Claus (29 minutes)
[A Christmas Past]

1949 A Christmas Carol (Narrated by Vincent Price) (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1950 Bell Telephone presents: The Spirit of Christmas (27 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1950 Racket Squad: Christmas Caper (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1950 Walt Disney’s One Hour in Wonderland (60 minutes)
[Alice in Wonderland DVD]

1950 The Paul Winchell and Jerry Mahoney Show (60 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1950 Burns & Allen – Grace’s Relatives (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1951 Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection-cartoon disc]

1951 Gruen Guild Playhouse: Joe Santa Claus (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1951 I Love Lucy: Jingle Bells Promo (3 minutes)
[VHS Sleeve]

1951 Jack Benny Does Christmas Shopping (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1952 Three Stooges: He Cooked His Goose (16 minutes)
[The Three Stooges Collection, Vol. 7: 1952-1954 DISC 1]

1952 The Ruggles: Christmas Eve (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1952 Family Doctor: A Tale of Two Christmases (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1952 Ozzie & Harriet: Late Christmas Gift (29 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1952 Family Theatre: Holiday Affair (30 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1952 Jack Benny Christmas Show- (Edgar Bergen & Charlie McCarthy) (25 minutes)
[Best of Jack Benny DVD set]

1952 The Red Skelton Show- Freddie & The Christmas Doll (50 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1952 Abbot & Costello Christmas Special (58 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1953 Dragnet Big .22 Rifle for Christmas (28 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1953 The Ray Bolger Show: Christmas Show (26 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1953 Four Star Playhouse – The Gift (Charles Boyer) (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1953 Dragnet Big Little Jesus (28 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1954 Howdy Doody (8 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1954 Liberace Christmas Show (26 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1954 Dear Phoebe: The Christmas Show (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1954 G. E. Theater: Fred Waring Music (Hosted by Ronald Reagan) (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1954 Screen Writers Playhouse: A String of Beads (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1954 The Scarlet Pimpernel: Christmas Present (26 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1954 Meet Corliss Archer: The Christmas Presents (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1955 Lux Theater: Holiday Affair (60 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1955 Captain Gallant: The Boy Who Found Christmas (28 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1955 Love That Bob! (25 minutes)
[Christmas Stories Volume 1-Dollar Store DVD]

1955 The Adventures of Long John Silver: Christmas Orphans (24 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1955 Miracle on 34th Street- TV remake (50 minutes)

1955 The Honeymooners (25 minutes)
[Disc 2, episode 13 Twas the Night Before Christmas)

1955 Red Skelton: The Cop and the Anthem (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1956 G.E. Theater: A Child is Born (Hosted by Ronald Reagan) (28 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1956 Ozzie & Harriet: The Busy Christmas (29 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1956 Cavalcade of America- The Three Young Kings (50 minutes)
[Beverly Hillbillies Christmas DVD]

1956 DuPont Theatre: Blessed Midnight (24 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1956 I Love Lucy Christmas Special (25 minutes)
[VHS Sleeve]

1957 Crossroads: Our First Christmas Tree (30 minutes)
[Bob Hope USO DVD]

1957 Hi Mom! w/ Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop (58 minutes)

1957 Happy Holidays With Bing and Frank (26 minutes)

1957 Ozzie & Harriet: The Christmas Tree Lot (29 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1957 Date With The Angels (Betty White) (29 minutes)
[Bob Hope USO DVD]

1958 Lassie – A Christmas Story/Lassie’s surgery (25 minutes)

1958 Date With the Angels: Santa’s Helper (30 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1960 Ozzie & Harriet: The Girl in the Emporium (29 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1960 Ozzie & Harriet: Piano for the Emporium (29 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1960 Davey & Goliath:Christmas Lost & Found (30 minutes)

1960 The Shari Lewis Show (21 minutes)

1960 Lassie – Lassie’s Christmas/Family (25 minutes)

1960 The Twilight Zone – Night of the Meek (25 minutes)

1961 The Shari Lewis Show (23 minutes)

1962 A Gumby Christmas (30 minutes)

1962 Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol (50 minutes)

1962 The Lucy Show: Together for Christmas (25 minutes)
[CBS Christmas Treats DVD]

1962 The Flintstones (25 minutes)
[Season 5 episode 15, Christmas Flintstone] or [Christmas DVD-R]

1962 The Shari Lewis Show (22 minutes)

1962 The Beverly Hillbillies: No Place Like Home (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1962 The Beverly Hillbillies: Home for Christmas (25 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1962 The Jetsons – Christmas Carol (25 minutes)
[Christmas DVD-R]

1963 The Judy Garland Show Christmas (59 minutes)
[VHS Sleeve]

1963 The Beverly Hillbillies: Christmas at the Clampetts (25 minutes)
[CBS Christmas Treats DVD]

1963 Petticoat Junction: Cannonball Christmas (25 minutes)
[CBS Christmas Treats DVD]

1964 Gilligan’s Island (25 minutes)
[season 1, DISC 2, ep 12 – Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk]

1964 Santa’s Enchanted Village 2 shorts (15 Minutes)

1964 Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (Rankin Bass) (47 minutes)

1964 Addam’s Family (25 minutes)
[Vol 1, DISC 1/Side A- Christmas with the Addams]

1965 A Charlie Brown Christmas (25 minutes)

1966 How the Grinch Stole Christmas (26 minutes)

1966 The Color Honeymooners (50 minutes)
[Volume 2 DISC 1- Run Santa Run]

1967 Cricket on the Hearth (Rankin Bass) (49 minutes)

1968 Little Drummer Boy (Rankin Bass) (25 minutes)

1969 The Brady Bunch (25 minutes)
[Season 1 ep 12/ DISC 2- The Voice of Christmas]

1969 Frosty The Snowman (Rankin Bass) (22 minutes)

1969 Kukla Fran & Ollie- Tis the Season to be Ollie (25 minutes)

1970 The Odd Couple- Scrooge gets an Oscar (25 minutes)
[CBS Christmas Treats DVD]

1970 Mary Tyler Moore Show
[Season 1 Disc 1- Christmas and the Hard Luck Kid]

1972 Sanford & Son (25 minutes)
(Season 5, ep 104, DISC 4)

1972 Love American Style- Love and the Christmas Punch (15 minutes)
[CBS Christmas Treats DVD]

1973 Mister Rogers Neighborhood 1261 (30 minutes)

1974 Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus (animated) (25 minutes)

1974 The Carol Burnett Show: Alan Alda (50 minutes)
[Disc 6 Ep 73]

1975 Paddington Bear –Christmas Shopping/Paddington’s Christmas (25 minutes)

1975 Santa and the Three Bears (animated) (45 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1975 The First Christmas (animated) (26 minutes)
[Holiday Family Collection]

1976 The Sonny & Cher Show (45 minutes)

1976 Christmas at Disneyland (50 minutes)

1976 Captain & Tennille Christmas (50 minutes)

1977 Fat Albert Christmas Special (23 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1977 Alice –A Semi Merry Christmas (23 minutes)
[Disc 3 ep 1]

1977 Good Times: Penny’s Christmas (23 minutes)
[Season 5 Disc 2]

1977 The Jeffersons (25 minutes)
[Season 4 ep 15 -DISC 2– 984 W 124 Street Apt 5C]

1977 Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas (47 minutes)

1978 What’s Happening (25 minutes)
[Season 1 Ep 9 DISC 2-Christmas]

1978 Good Times: The Traveling Christmas (25 minutes)
[Sesason 6 Disc 2]

1978 Benji’s Very Own Christmas Story (25 minutes)

1978 Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (50 minutes)

1978 Laverne and Shirley (25 minutes)
[CBS Christmas Treats DVD]

1978 Star Wars Holiday Special (43 minutes-edit)
[Sci-fi section]

1978 Christmas at Walt Disney World (50 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1978 The Pink Panther in: A Pink Christmas (24 minutes)

1978 Mork & Mindy- Mork’s First Christmas (25 minutes)
[CBS Christmas Treats DVD]

1978 Perry Como’s Early American Christmas-Williamsburg w/J. Wayne (49 minutes)

1979 Alice –Mel the Magi (23 minutes)
[Disc 6 ep 3]

1979 Casper’s First Christmas (26 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1979 Berenstain Bears Christmas Tree (25 minutes)

1979 Johnny Cash Christmas –w/ Andy Kaufman (49 minutes)

1979 A Family Circus Christmas (25 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1979 Diff’rent Strokes (50 minutes)
[Season 1 Ep 8,9 DISC 1&2)

1979 The Little Rascals Christmas Special (animated) (25 minutes)
[Christmas Specials DVD-R]

1979 WKRP in Cincinnati (25 minutes)
[DISC 8 Season 2 Ep 11 Jennifer’s Home for Christmas]

1979 John Denver & The Muppets:A Christmas Together (50 minutes)

1979 A Family Circus Christmas
[DVD-R]

1980 Mr. Krueger’s Christmas (Jimmy Stewart) (25 minutes)

1980 Perry Como Christmas in Holy Land (48 minutes)
[VHS Sleeve]

1980 What’s Happening (25 minutes)
[Season 3 Ep 10 DISC 2 – Positive Identification]

1980 WKRP in Cincinnati (25 minutes)
[DISC 11 Season 3 Ep7-Bah Humbug]

1980 Three’s Company (25 minutes)
[Season 2 ep 14 DISC 3-Three’s Christmas)

1981 George Burns’ Early, Early Christmas Special (50 minutes)
[George Burns Box Set, Comedy]

1981 Little House on the Prairie: A Christmas They Never Forgot (45 minutes)
VHS Sleeve

1981 Alice –Mel’s Christmas Carol (23 minutes)
[Disc 8 ep 15]

1981 A Chipmunk Christmas (25 minutes)

1982 Ziggy’s Gift (25 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1982 Yogi Bear's All Star Comedy Christmas Caper (24 minutes)
VHS Sleeve

1982 Silver Spoons (25 minutes)
[Season 1 DISC 2-The Best Christmas Ever]

1983 Mickey’s Christmas Carol (25 minutes)
[Mickey Mouse In Living Color Vol 2 DISC 2]

1983 Alvin & The Chipmunks: It’s a Wonderful Life, Dave (25 minutes)

1983 A Pac Man Christmas (25 minutes)
[Christmas DVD-R]

1983 The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (50 minutes)

1983 Alice –Tis the Season to be Jealous (23 minutes)
[Disc 11 ep 15]

1983 Disney’s Magic Kingdom Yuletide Special (30 minutes)
[Parade section, slim case, spine label]

1984 "The New Scooby-Doo Mysteries" A Nutcracker Scoob (24 minutes)
[Craziest Christmas Specials boxed set]

1984 Mr. T & Emmanuel Lewis in A Christmas Dream (50 minutes)

1984 Cabbage Patch Kids: Our First Christmas (23 minutes)

1984 Tonight Show w/ Johnny Carson: Garry Shandling (25 minutes)

1984 He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special (50 Minutes)

1984 Punky Brewster (50 minutes)
[Season 1 Episode 13&14- Yes Punky There Is a Santa Claus]

1985 WWF’s TNT Christmas (33 minutes)
[Christmas DVD-R]

1985 Perry Como’s Christmas in Hawaii (50 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1985 ALF (25 minutes)
[Season 1, Ep 12-DISC 2 – Oh Tannerbaum]

1985 Punky Brewster (25 minutes)
[Season 2 Ep 13 DISC 3, Christmas Shoplifting]

1985 Mr. Belvedere (25 minutes)
[DISC 13 Season 6 Ep 106: A Happy Guy’s Christmas]

1986 Punky Brewster (25 minutes)
[Season 4 Ep 7, Christmas Hero]

1986 Jim Henson Presents: A Christmas Toy (50 Minutes)

1986 Cheers (25 minutes)
[Season 6, ep 12, DISC 2- Christmas Cheers]

1986 Mr. Belvedere (25 minutes)
[DISC 7, Season 5 ep 11-Christmas Story]

1986 The Real Ghostbusters (22 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1987 The Tonight Show w/ Johnny Carson: Robin Williams, Bob Hope (30 minutes)

1987 Muppet Family Christmas (47 minutes)

1987 The Dame Edna Christmas Experience (55 minutes)

1987 A Claymation Christmas – Featuring the California Raisins (25 minutes)
[California Raisin’s DVD]

1988 Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special (48 minutes)

1988 Full House (25 minutes)
[Season 2 Ep 31-DISC 2- Our Very First Snow]

1988 The Care Bears Nutcracker Suite (61 minutes)

1989 Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire (25 minutes)
[Season 1 ep 1 DISC 1]

1989 Tonight Show w/ Johnny Carson: Kevin Meaney (16 minutes)

1990 A Night on Mount Edna - Dame Edna (51 minutes)

1990 The Frugal Gourmet: Colonial Christmas (60 minutes)
[DVD-R]

1990 The Making of It’s A Wonderful Life (hosted by Tom Bosley) (23 minutes)
[It’s a Wonderful Life DVD]

1991 Rugrats Christmas (25 minutes)
[DVD-R-Nickelodeon]

1991 Back to the Future: Dickens of a Christmas (25 minutes)
[BTTF Animated Series, in Scifi next to BTTF]

1991 Dinosaurs (25 minutes)
[Season 2, ep 12-DISC 3-Refrigerator Day]

1991 Bloom County Christmas:A Wish for Wings That Work (25 minutes)

1992 Holiday Greetings From The Ed Sullivan Show (60 minutes)

1992 Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas (23 minutes)

1992 Barney: Waiting for Santa (30 minutes)
[DVD-R inside Barney’s Night Before Christmas]

1992 Kenny Rogers’ Christmas Special (45 minutes)
[Christmas DVD-R]

1992 Animaniacs: Helloooo Holidays (45 minutes)
[Christmas DVD-R]

1992 It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (22 minutes)

1993 A Bob Hope Christmas (58 minutes)

1993 Alvin & The Chipmunks: Alvin’s Christmas Carol (25 minutes)

1994 We Wish You A Turtles Christmas – Live Action (25 minutes)
[Turtles DVD set]

1995 Lambchop’s Special Chanukah (60 minutes)

1995 Mary-Kate & Ashley - The Case of the Christmas Caper (25 min)

1996 The Simpsons (25 minutes)
[Season 7 Ep 139 DISC 2-Marge be not Proud]

1996 Sonic Christmas Blast (25 minutes)

1996 Elmo Saves Christmas (58 minutes)

1996 The Veggie Tales Christmas Spectacular (46 minutes)
[Bonus on Toy That Saved Christmas]

1997 Mary Kate & Ashley’s Christmas Party (25 minutes)

1997 The Weird Al Show (25 minutes)
[DISC 3-Obligitory Holiday Episode/Music section]

1998 Disney's Sing Along Songs - Very Merry Christmas Songs (27 minutes)
[VHS Sleeve]

1998 Rolie Polie Olie Christmas (30 minutes)

1999 King of Queens (25 minutes)
[Season 5 ep111-DISC 2-Mentalo Case]

1999 Barney’s Night Before Christmas (55 minutes)

1999 The Simpsons (25 minutes)
[Season 10, Ep 188- Miracle on Evergreen Terrace]

2000 The Fisher Price Little People Claymation Christmas (25 minutes)
[DVD-R Christmas Specials]

2000 Arthur’s Perfect Christmas (55 minutes)
[DVD-R]

2000 Bear in the Big Blue House: A Berry Bear Christmas (30 minutes)
[DVD-R]

2000 Spongebob Squarepants Christmas (25 minutes)
[DVD-R-Nickelodeon]

2001 Dame Edna’s Christmas Address (17 minutes)

2001 Jay Jay the Jet Plane – Jay Jay’s Christmas Surprise (15 minutes)
[Jay Jay DVD]

2001 Jimmy Neutron Christmas (25 minutes)
[DVD-R-Nickelodeon]

2001 The Fairly OddParents Christmas (25 minutes)
[DVD-R-Nickelodeon]

2002 Santa vs. The Snowman in 3D (33 minutes)
[Extra 3D glasses in Shrek 3D]

2002 Elmo’s World Happy Holidays (60 minutes)

2002 Charlie Brown’s Christmas Tales (22 minutes)

2003 I Want a Dog For Christmas Charlie Brown (45 minutes)

2003 Cabbage Patch Kids Vernon’s Christmas (30 minutes)

2003 The Magic of Christmas at Walt Disney World (22 minutes)

2004 Ed, Edd & Eddy: Jingle Jangle (24 minutes)
[DVD-R Cartoon Network]

2004 Danny Phantom Christmas (24 minutes)
[DVD-R-Nickelodeon]

2005 The Madagascar Penguins in: A Christmas Caper (12 minutes)

2005 Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends: A Lost Claus (24 minutes)
[DVD-R Cartoon Network]

2005 A Christmas Dinosaur (47 minutes)
[DVD-R]

2005 The Alpha Bots – Christmas (29 minutes)

2006 Bah Humduck: A Looney Toons Christmas (46 minutes)
[Craziest Christmas Specials boxed set]

2006 Sesame Street Christmas Carol (60 minutes)

2006 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: Mickey Saves Santa (25 minutes)

2007 The ChubbChubbs Save Xmas (5 minutes)
[Surfs Up! DVD]

2007 Shrek the Halls (21 minutes)
[DVD-R]

2007 George of the Jungle: Jungle Bells (22 minutes)
[DVD-R Cartoon Network]

2007 Camp Lazlo: Kamp Kringle (22 minutes)
[DVD-R Cartoon Network]

2007 The Rockettes Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall (45minutes)
[DVD-R]

2007 My Christmas Adventure: Starring Anthony (33 minutes)

2007 Tom & Jerry in: A Nutcracker Suite (47 minutes)

2007 Elmo’s Christmas Countdown (47 minutes)

2008 The Muppets: Letters To Santa (44 minutes)
[DVD-R]

2008 Christmas at the White House (22 minutes)
[DVD-R]

2008 The 76th Annual Christmas at Rockefeller Center (44 minutes)
[DVD-R]

2009 Merry Madagascar (22 minutes)

2009 Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas (58 minutes)

600 Cartoon Collection:
DISC 4
Christmas Comes But Once a Year 0:08
Jack Frost 0:08
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer 0:09
The Candlemaker 0:13
The Christmas Visitor 0:07
Hector's Hectic Life 0:06
A Christmas Tree (Hobozodhee Nytewectbne) 0:10
Christmas Night (Little King) 0:08

DISC 9
O' Come All Ye Faithful 0:03
Jingle Bells 0:03
Merry Christmas (live action) 0:09
Santa Claus Story (live action -Monkeys) 0:09
Christmas Fairy Tale (live action) 0:09
The Little Match Girl (live action) 0:11

DISC 10
Little Christmas Burro 0:25
Santa's Pocket Watch 0:19
Howdy Doody's Chistmas (live action) 0:09
Santa in Animal Land (puppets) 0:09
The Night Before Christmas (live action) 0:08
The Little Lamb (live action) 0:08
A Christmas Dream (live action) 0:09
The Elf and Mr. Little (puppets) 0:13
A Present for Santa Claus (live action) 0:08

My RST Video Card

2011-12-01T15:03:00.000-05:00

Yep, I had a membership in the (now closed) video store from the movie Clerks.

I never actually rented anything. I just opened an account one day when I visited. Pretty sweet souvenir.

The day I went there they had a really goofy clerk. He kept showing me VHS tapes that they keep in the back room. Off beat horror movies like "Don't Look Under the Stairs."

He claimed that he would go to jail if he rented them to me.

Nonetheless I gave him my credit card as a security deposit. Not the smartest decision. Glad things worked out OK.

Remember the pearl!

2011-12-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

Here is a wacky autograph I have:

It's a closeup of a poster from Pearl Harbor shot in a dark room with a cheap camera. Sorry.

Anyway, I met Andrew Bryniarski at a horror convention where he was signing autographs in conjunction with his part as Leatherface in a new Texas Chainsaw flick.

All day long he was signing and drawing a dead happy face. After signing my poster he realized what he had done. "Crap! I just drew a dead face on a Pearl Harbor poster! Man, that's disrespectful!"

So Andrew wrote a bunch of stuff on it to hopefully soften the blow of his cartoon. He also told me stories of the making of Pearl Harbor. He teared up a bit.

Later he talked about playing Leatherface. He teared up then too.

I guess that's his thing... that and drawing little dead faces on Pearl Harbor posters.

An all Muppet Christmas

2011-11-27T13:14:00.000-05:00

I don't know how The Muppets became so closely connected to Christmas but you cannot deny the sheer multitude of Christmas specials & movies featuring Jim Henson's creations.
With a new Muppet flick in theaters (with no Christmas theme, sadly) I figured it would be a good idea to look at all the felt & Feliz Navidad combos I have seen.

Here they are in no particular order:

The Great Santa Claus Switch: OK, I know I said that this was in no order, but it still seems appropriate to start with the original one. Way back in 1970 Ed Sullivan hosted a TV special with The Muppets. The story involved Art Carney as Santa and marked the debut of Gonzo.

The Muppets Christmas Carol: This film appeared in theaters at some point. I don't remember what year, but I remember it was the same year as "The Bodyguard" and "Bram Stoker's Dracula". I remember that because I asked for a ticket for "Bram Stoker's Muppet Bodyguard" when I went to see it. Yeah, no one laughed then either.

Elmo's Christmas Countdown: This one is pretty recent. Features Ben Stiller as a puppet.

Muppet Family Christmas: An absurd amount of Muppets convene at Fozzie's mom's house. This includes Sesame Street characters and Fraggles. Its a blast.

Muppets: Letters to Santa: This 2008 special follows Gonzo, Fozzie, Kermit, Rizzo & Pepe as they travel to the North Pole to deliver Santa his mail. Along the way they deal with the annoyances of airport security & Paul Williams.

Elmo's World Happy Holidays: This video release features Kelly Ripa as a mail man... uh... female man? I don't remember much about it except that they showed a Kwanza party that had some mac & cheese that looked so good I paused the tape to heat up some Easy Mac.
Oh yeah, they also tell the story of the birth of Jesus with Bert playing Joesph.

Holidays From The Ed Sullivan Show: This barely counts, but this Bob Newhart hosted showcase of Christmas themed Ed Sullivan clips features Muppets on the cover and a segment with The Muppets as they sing a tune from Muppet Christmas Carol.

A Sesame Street Christmas Carol: Oscar plays Scrooge. Some CGI Muppets are in this one.

It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie: I love this one! It basically rips off "It's A Wonderful Life" and features a weird Croc Hunter parody. Plus Pepe, tries to sleep with Joan Cusack. Yeah, its that awesome.

The Christmas Toy: This one is hosted by Kermit and features a host of new characters in a story that Pixar later ripped off for "Toy Story". Seriously.

Christmas Eve on Sesame Street: Classic Sesame Street special that has Big Bird waiting up to see if Santa can visit homes that have no chimney. Then Cookie Monster eats the Christmas tree.

A Special Sesame Street Christmas: This was released the SAME year as Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. It featured just a few Muppets and Michael Jackson.

Elmo Saves Christmas: This one has Elmo wishing it was Christmas every day. Santa is played by Charles Durning who also played Doc Hopper.

Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas: A great special that would take too long to explain. Google it. Then Google Gulf of Tonkin... and Otunga.

John Denver & The Muppets, A Christmas Together: Last on this list, John Denver & The Muppets was complimented by a more popular album of Christmas tunes. It features "Christmas Wish" which is my personal favorite Christmas song. It also features John Denver as a wooden soldier.

The Bollywood version of 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'

2010-08-20T11:46:00.000-04:00

How did I live so long without knowlege of this gem?

Recently I was watching a 5 hour documentary on the Freddy Kreuger franchise and they briefly mention that there was a Bollywood remake.

My jaw dropped to the floor.

Bollywood and Freddy? Those are my two favorite things!

Actually I had never seen a Bollywood film before so favorite might be a bit strong.

This movie ROCKS. You have singing, dancing, Freddy and a guy who pretends to be Michael Jackson.

The story is a pretty close remake of the original 'Nightmare' with some shots stolen from a few of the sequels. And Freddy has a glorious head of hair. Somewhat mullet-ish.

I wish every country had their own Freddy.

I watched Family Ties for the Ubu

2010-06-23T10:02:00.000-04:00

I watched Family Ties growing up. It was a pretty good show. I was a big fan of Michael J. Fox or MJF (as my grade school pals called him.) I thought Justine Bateman was hot and I liked Michael Gross who later became my best friend in the world.

But the REAL reason I watched Family Ties was for Ubu.

At the end of every episode a production title card showed Ubu with a frisbee in his mouth as we heard "Sit Ubu, Sit. Good dog."

Ubu was a real dog and was owned by the head of that company. There really isn't much more to say about it.

But, I will try.

See, I was fascinated with Ubu. The first dozen times I saw the ending of Family Ties (or any other Ubu production) I would laugh. It was pretty funny. Or maybe bizarre was a better word.

Ubu wasn't sitting, anyway.

He was standing with a frisbee in his mouth.

I always assumed there was a deeper meaning to that.

But, there probably wasn't.

Also, Ubu is a strange name for a dog. The owner named the dog after a play from the 1800s. That seems pretentious and makes me hate him a little... the owner, not Ubu.

I could never hate Ubu.

Topps Hot Hunks

2010-06-03T07:49:00.000-04:00

Topps has been the leading seller of trading cards since the days when baseball players had mustaches the size and shape of an oxen plow harness.

Here is a picture of an oxen plow harness and a baseball players mustache:

SEE! They are exactly the same size and shape.

When I was a youth new companies started to emerge and challenge Topps for dominance of the baseball card industry.

Companies like Fleer, O-Pee-Chee and Dunruss began taking chunks of the market away and Topps was forced to produce Hot Hunks:

Now instead of dealing with silly baseball players, a tribute could be made to a more worthy celebrity.

The hunk.

And not just any hunk... hot ones. Only the hottest of the worlds hunks were allowed to apply for the position of model for Topps Hot Hunks.

In the end, Topps amassed an astonishing cadre of hot hunks. Names like Michael J. Fox, Johnny Depp and Corey Haim... just to name a few.

Names like River Phoenix, Kirk Cameron and Jason Bateman to name some more.

Names like Bruce Willis to name the one I had forgotten.

Unlike the baseball card the Hot Hunk card wasn't a card.

No! It was a freakin' sticker.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, baseball card collectors. And they can, because as I mentioned it was a sticker.

Fearing that the public would be confused by the lack of a Hot Hunks sticking pad to affix the Hot Hunk to, Topps announced clearly on the box where you could stick them:

Yes, if you own a wall or a locker you had a perfect item to adorn it. If you had a mirror... EVEN BETTER. No longer would you have to stare at your own stupid reflection. From that day forth it was Hot Hunks whenever you looked towards a piece of glass that had the back painted black.

Then, knowing that Hot Hunks could do so much more they proclaimed: STICK THEM ANYWHERE:

I stuck one to the roof of my mouth. I haven't checked in years, but I assume it's still there.

As soon as Topps released Hot Hunks the entire card industry fell like a house of... uh... I don't have a good analogy. Just picture a fake representation of a house made from small cardboard rectangles. You know it would be easy to knock down.

That is what happened to the card industry.

Soon Fleer went back to just selling women's shoes and shoe accessories. Mr. Dunruss declared bankruptcy and moved into his brother's house. And O-Pee-Chee announced that they weren't even real.

Raise the banner high

2010-03-30T09:28:00.000-04:00

I used to hate banner ads. You know what I am talking about, the ads that appear on web pages (sometimes obscuring the text you WANT to see and talking loudly.)

I used to hate them, but I have been beaten to submission.

I love them now.

Here is one from Pizza Hut...

... or should I call it PASTA HUT? I don't even know if I will be able to speak with my mouth full of 3 pounds of Pasta Hut pasta. Thanks Pasta Hut. You have filled up my Tuesdays for the rest of eternia. Or eternity. Whichever one isn't He-Man's planet...
OR SHOULD I SAY HE-MAN'S PASTA?

Who is this wrestler?

I wish Wildman Marc Mero was a choice. I am going to have to assume it's H. Three H. Yup.

Are you as proud of the U.S. Army as I am? I am always looking to thank them for their service to this country.

Maybe I shouldn't meet these soldiers. They may want me to thank them. Personally. I will just send them some pasta from Pasta Hut.
I could send it to their platoon... or should I say pastatoon? No, probably just platoon.

Hey! Banner ad's need your vote.

I must let others know that I dunk my cookies! But not those gay soldiers. I don't doubt that "dunk my cookies" is some secret code for some kind of lewd act.

This lady always wants me to go to this vaction place.

She just pops up and babbles and babbles. I hate her. But I could use a vacation... or should I say pastacation.
No, I probably shouldn't.

The glove:

I love that glove.

Now test your I.Q.

Obviously it's Burbank.

Choose Your Fortune Teller

2010-03-23T14:51:00.000-04:00

Remember that scene in Big where Tom Hanks went to fortune teller machine and then became an adult. Then he falls in love with Elizabeth Perkins making her a pedophile?

Well, I recently came across a few of those fortune teller machines and I decided to review them for you.

Swami:

This is the typical machine I think of when I think of fortune teller machines (which oddly enough takes up quite a bit of my time.)
Swami, like all the others we will be looking at, is about the size of an old phone booth and features a bearded man in a golden turban. His shirt and scarf reminds me of something that Larry would wear on Three's Company.
He has a statue of Buddha in front of him.
LOOK: ****
SMELL: ***
ACCURACY OF PREDICTION: 61%
POSSIBLE SAMPLE PREDICTION: "You will be on American Idol season 28."
POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Green Party

Esmeralda is another traditional type of fortune teller. She comes with a crystal ball. She looks like Keanu Reeves in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
LOOK: **
SMELL: *****
ACCURACY OF PREDICTION: 88%
POSSIBLE SAMPLE PREDICTION: "You will need knee surgery by the time you are 65."
FAVORITE PRO GOLFER: K. J. Choi

Natasha is just like Esmeralda except she is a commie.
LOOK: *****
SMELL: *
ACCURACY OF PREDICTION: 74%
POSSIBLE SAMPLE PREDICTION: "You will not fly without a plane."
FAVORITE UNNECESSARY MEDICAL PROCEDURE: Vertebroplasty

Sir Lancelot. Sure he was known for cutting off the heads of those who sat at his round table (or was that Robin Hood?) but here he cuts off the head of your fortune.
LOOK: ***1/2
SMELL: ********
ACCURACY OF PREDICTION: 541%
POSSIBLE SAMPLE PREDICTION: "Don't eat things you find in the men's room."
FAVORITE HANNA BARBERA CHARACTER: Vin Diesel

Zeus was the King of the Gods. Here he looks like Santa Claus and sports a sweet red toga and a kickin' blue ring. He has a crystal ball too.
LOOK: ******
SMELL: ****
ACCURACY OF PREDICTION: 100%
POSSIBLE SAMPLE PREDICTION: "Fortune card tray empty. Please reorder."
FAVORITE GREAT LAKE: Huron

Moochie is a goofy old sailor who has a crystal ball and a pooch. Not sure which one he takes advice from.
LOOK: *
SMELL: *****
ACCURACY OF PREDICTION: -1%
POSSIBLE SAMPLE PREDICTION: "You know where I can get beer and hardtack around here?"
FAVORITE TYPE OF SALT: Iodized Salt

There you have it.

In conclusion: never use real cranberry sauce. People really like it better from the can.

Cawston Ostrich Farm

2010-03-23T13:20:00.003-04:00

When I go to Disneyland in fabulous Anaheim California or Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom in Florida I always seem to make my way to the mutoscopes.

If you don't know the word "mutoscope" don't worry, neither did I until about 30 seconds ago.

And if you don't consider me the high mark of intellectualism, and are still worried, I can only remind you of the scene from Bourne Identity where Jason Bourne Identity tells a thug "Pain? I don't know the meaning of the word." The he looks up "pain" in the dictionary and then kills the thug with the book.

Also this may cheer you up: spell check does not know what a mutoscope is.

Or maybe I am spelling it wrong.

Anyway, to write this article I spent about 10 minutes googling "old timey flip book movie machine at Disneyland's Penny Arcade" before I arrived at the term mutoscope.

I usually use them at the end of the night when I am trying to extend my stay at Disneyland past the scheduled closing time (the Penny Arcade usually stays open an hour later than most of the park.)

You put a penny in the slot, put your face up to a View Master looking thingie and the turn a crank to flip the images in the mutoscope.

On my most recent trip I watched this one:

It shows an Ostrich pulling a cart with a (rather unenthusiastic) kid on it.

Seemed like an awesome thing to do, but hey I have never ridden in an ostrich powered vehicle. Perhaps in the past everyone did.

The wagon in the mutoscope has the name Cawston Ostrich Farm written on the side. A quick Google search reveals it to be AMERICA'S FIRST OSTRICH FARM!

The Cawston Ostrich Farm was located in fabulous Passdena, California and was open from 1886 until either 1935 or the late 20s. I found two different sources. I can't say for sure which was right and neither source seemed all that reputable.

But I did find some information on Wikipedia that I cut and pasted and then slightly reworded so as to make it seem less like plagiarism:

In the mid 1880s Edwin Cawston took fifty ostriches from Africa to Texas.Then he took the ostriches via train to Pasadena, California. Only eighteen survived. Cawston was able to get the ostriches to multiply and eventually had over 100 on his Ostrich Farm.

The Cawston Ostrich Farm was close to the Los Angeles trolley line and was a very popular tourist attraction. Guests were able to ride ostriches, buy hats and boas made from ostrich feathers and laugh at the ostriches silly long necks.

At some point people got tired of laughing at the ostriches long neck (probably when the giraffe was invented) and the place closed down.

Today the factory has been turned into expensive lofts and the ostriches could no longer afford to live in Pasadena so they most likely went back to Africa.

But, on a cool night at Disneyland it only costs a penny to be taken back to a time when you could smell an ostrich and not get arrested.

Obamachoo

2010-03-22T13:37:00.000-04:00

If you follow this silly blog it would not surprise you to find out that I collect Presidential memorabilia. Recently I decided to purchase my first peice of Obamabillia.

Obama's mug has been slapped on so many items it was really hard to decide.

I saw a t-shirt with Obama slam dunking a globe as he steps on John McCain's face. I saw a pin with the logo for The Lion King written as "The Lyin King" with the POTUS's face superimposed over Mufasa's grill. I also saw the notorious Chia Obama.

I still had never seen something that made me dig into my pocket and fork over the cash.

So the other day I logged into eBay and refused to log out until I found SOMETHING that would brighten up my home and commemorate (for better or worse) the current president.

I didn't care if I bought something pro-Obama (or should I say PRObama?) or anti-Obama (that PRObama thing made me laugh really hard.)

I just wanted to get something stupid.

At first I was really interested in the items that spelled the President's name wrong.

A presidential typo seemed really funny.

Then I looked at poker chips, beer mugs and commemorative plates and then I found this:

Obamachoo!

In case the picture is hard to understand, it's a beautiful hand painted tissue box adorned with a bizarre caricature of Obama. The tissues come out of his nose and the word "Obamachoo" a great mash up of the name Obama and the word "achoo."

The caricature reminds me of the Spitting Image puppets:

If you don't remember Spitting Image it was an odd puppet show that satirized celebrities in the 1980s.

The image doesn't really look like Obama, but I still think the image works as a whole.

Obamachoo as a slogan makes no sense whatsoever and that makes me LOVE it.

Interestingly I have not been able to get a consensus as to whether this item is pro-Obama or anti-Obama.

I prefer to think it's just an insult to everyone who sees it.

My Disney Cruise: Day 3

2009-10-16T08:50:00.000-04:00

As we creep into Thanksgiving, I am really feeling silly that I haven't finished my report on my Disney Cruise from this summer.

It's not laziness that has keeping me from finishing this... it's really the fact that there isn't anything to joke about in it.

So don't really expect to be amused as I present:

DAY 3:
We docked at Castaway Cay which is Disney's private island. I wrote about day 1 and 2 so long ago that I don't even remember what happened then. But I do remember day 3.

The island was awesome. Really well done. Chip and Dale were there:

They are normally naked, but when they go to the beach they put on 1920s era swimsuits.

Odd.

Also just off the coast is the Flying Dutchman ship from Pirates of the Caribbean:

I thought that was pretty cool.
On the island they had hermit crab races. Basically they would draw a circle on the ground, toss in some crabs and then watch them wander out of the circle.

They don't like it if you eat the winning crab, I found out.

Stitch served as a DJ on the island. He also claimed to be dating Lyndsay Lohan (is that funny? I can't really tell at this point.)

Here is a photo:

This happened too.

Here is a picture of Mitchell Musso rockin' my socks off during a deck party.

Seriously, if I go see him again I won't wear any socks. (NOTE- replace with funny joke before publishing)
He plays Hanna Montana's brother, BTW.

Turn down service always included a towel animal in your room:

I stayed at a Red Roof Inn once and found an actual animal in my towel. I don't find these things as cute since then.

That night was Pirate night.

I wore my Pirates' hat:

That is probably the best I can do for humor here. I hope you loved it.

DAY 4 coming... soon? Probably not.

The Nasty Boys

2009-10-05T10:24:00.000-04:00

I don't have much to say about this... except for I MET THE NASTY BOYS!

I know, it really isn't that impressive. I met bigger stars before. Heck, I met The Rock. These guys aren't really that important to the history of wrestling, but there was something so cool about meeting them.

For starters, Knobbs is Hulk Hogan's best friend. I met Hulk Hogan, too but meeting Knobbs seems funnier.

Actually, it's not fair to say Knobbs is Hogan's best friend. But he is tied for the top spot with Brutus Beefcake who was standing about 10 feet away.

Anyway, here is an exceptionally stupid video of The Nasty Boys from the mid 1990s:

It starts out with The Nasty Boys telling us that they are going to the Maryland Science Center. They make some comment that the building isn't nastycized enough. But, they go inside anyway. Then they build a Lego tower with some kids. Then Scaggs presses a button that makes the Legos fall apart.

Actually, they don't fall apart so Knobbs has to push them over and pretend to be angry.

Next they encounter a big set of round metal balls. I am sure Knobbs was dying to do a Robocop joke.

A bearded Rick Moranis guy turns the set of balls on and the static electricity is supposed to make Knobbs' mullet stand up. It doesn't really work.

Then Saggs runs off and leaves Knobbs. I am starting to realize why Hulk Hogan chose Knobbs as his buddy.

Later Knobbs runs into a lady that looks like my friend Ted's mom.

I wish you knew her. You would laugh so much.

Maybe I should take a photo with her and then write a poorly written post about it.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go nasticize.

youtube Junk #3 The Doughnut/Donut Edition

2009-09-28T11:09:00.000-04:00

Here is a gem from the past:

Yep, that's WWE Legend Don Muracco eating a doughnut. Or a donut. I don't care how you want to spell it... but if you know what a "bear claw" is I would love to know.

Anyway, that video is one of the greatest wrestling promos I have ever seen... involving a donut.

But... is it the greatest... donut eating... video ever? Does a better video... even exist? Is it... on youtube? Is my use of ellipses just awkward... and wrong?

Here is a video:

Nice. I especially like music and his poster of WWE wrestler Batista... not quite Don Muracco, but very nice.

How about a video of a groundhog eating a donut...?:

Yeah, that rocks. I love how the zoom on his camera sounds like someone is dialing on to AOL in 1996. Also, at the end you hear some whispering that does not seem groundhog related. I like to imagine they are talking about what types of scented soaps they use... and Batista... and what soap he might use.

I love this next one:

Everything about it makes it awesome.
First: Black cat eating a doughnut... Awesome.
Second: Meticulously neat display of bottle cap magnets... Awesome.
Third: Rhymes with turd... Awesome.
Fourth: Footage in the background of Drew Carey juggling a mic... Awesome.

I don't get British comedy:

The title card tells us some guy named Bungle eats a donut... in one. It seems that that means 'in one bite.' I am not sure that that is a typo or some British slang.
Anyway, after sticking the donut in his mouth he chases another guy around (why isn't there Benny Hill music on this clip???) and someone screams "Donutman!"
Then he almost chokes on it and it sounds like British Cookie Monster takes possession of the camera and says "Bloater... yum yum yum."

Moving on:

In this clip Fleetwood Mac (I think) plays in the background as some lady jams a whole donut in her mouth as some guys says "get the whole thing in there" in Minnesotan.
Then she shouts out "I watch Jim" referring (of course) to the smash hit ABC show 'According to Jim' starring John Belushi's brother. I think his first name is Don.

Just like Don Muracco.

My Trip to the Franklin Mills Mall

2009-08-11T13:51:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid an exciting new mall opened... it was GIGANTIC. They called it "The Franklin Mills Mall" but to me, it was like going to Disneyland.

This mall was so big that on the rare occasion we visited it meant a day of sore feet and adventure.

OK, maybe I am overstating it... but it was a fun place to go.

Over the years the mall has been dying a little. It lost many of the top stores that made it a great place to shop. They have been replaced by lots of outlet stores and far too many empty stores.

Still, when I was in the neighborhood I decided to stop by and check it out.

Hey! It's Mr. T and the FlavorWave oven! I actually met Mr. T in this mall when I was a teen. He was promoting his comic book at the time. Today, it's the Flavorwave.

If you haven't seen the infomercial for this product, I suggest you seek it out. If it is to be believed, this oven is like a magic crock pot that can make dinner for 4 in 30 seconds.

And I do believe it. Mr. T has never steered me wrong.

Oh wow.

Sorry, I was just thinking of how cool it would be to actually BE Mr. T's car. I pity the road.

This is the food court area. This is where I met Mr. T.

Today I met a taco and heartburn.

This was a giant poster of a guy beating up a bag of Skittles.

Here is another weird ad. I don't know what it is for, but it shows a Geena Davis looking lady riding on the back of a motorcycle while wearing crazy pants.
She isn't wearing a helmet.

These ancient Sega Dreamcast games said they are "guaranteed to play." I decided to prove them wrong. I didn't play them.

This is a DVD called Forever Lulu. It's about two Martina Navratilova looking broads that turn New York City upside down.

This "claw machine" was shaped like a Volkswagen bus. I assume it was full of dirty hippies.

No wait... it's full of Care Bears. That's even worse.

This was a bungee jumping thingamajig. Sure, it's exciting... but not as exciting as putting on crazy pants and riding on the back of a motorbike with no helmet.

Then I went home.

Hulk Hogan's Parents

2009-08-11T12:57:00.000-04:00

Last night I watched WWF wrestling from Madison Square Garden... from January 23, 1984.

That was the night that Hulk Hogan won the WWF title from Iron Sheik and rocketed Hogan to become an international star.

I have a subscription to a service called WWE Classics On Demand through my cable service. It is ESSENTIAL to anyone who is or was ever a wrestling fan. Every month a few dozen programs are added from many different wrestling federations and many different decades.

A long time ago they reran the Hogan/Sheik bout. I recorded it and last night I finally watched it.

Usually I skim through these old wrestling cards. I watch matches that seem good and skip the ones that seem to be a waste.

But not on this occasion.

It was interesting to relive what it must have been like watching that show back in 1984.

The card had some other great moments. A pre-G.I. Joe Sgt. Slaughter was on the card. He was also what they call a "heel" or a "bad guy" or a "Baldwin."

Also on the card was a midget tag match. During the match one of the bald midgets was turned upside down and spun like a top.

I know, I know. It's politically correct to say "little person."

As much as I understand that using the wrong term can be degrading... HE TURNED HIM UPSIDE DOWN AND SPUN HIM LIKE A TOP. The term "midget" was the least degrading part of the match.

Anyway, I am stalling just to add extra paragraphs to a really paper thin topic.

Bottom line is that after Hogan won the title the show still had over 1 hour left. So, to keep the focus on Hogan they cut back to him a couple times.

One time was the famous interview where Andre the Giant poured champagne over the Hulkster...

The other was this...

Hulk Hogan was interviewed with his parents.

Langostino

2009-08-11T12:18:00.000-04:00

The other day I was driving by a Long John Silver restaurant. The sign in the window read "Lobster Bites $2.99."

I pulled the car over and ran in. I asked for the "$2.99 lobster bites" and handed them money.

They brought out a lobster and it bit me.

No, that's just silly. Actually they gave me a very generous portion of deep fried lobster... or so I thought.

The truth is that it isn't reeeaaaallly lobster.

It does seem odd that they can afford to sell lobster IN ANY QUANTITY for under $3.

Now, I don't have a horror story to tell you. There isn't anything terrible in there, it just isn't lobster. At least not the lobster you expect.

They refer to the meat as "buttered real Langostino" a quick Google search finds that Langostino is a code word for SQUAT LOBSTER.

Seriously, that is what it's called.

According to Wiki they are:

...not lobsters at all, but are more closely related to porcelain crabs, hermit crabs and then, more distantly, true crabs.

I don't have anything more to say. I just wish I had You Can't Do That On Television on DVD.

ANOTHER Charlie McCarthy board game!

2009-08-04T13:06:00.000-04:00

A while back I did a junk about board games featuring Charlie McCarthy.

It was an in-depth study of several board games that were produced in the 1930s starring the famous ventriliquist dummy.

I had been collecting them for a brief time before I wrote the peice and I thought I had covered ALL of the Charlie McCarthy games produced.

I was wrong.

This popped up on eBay the other day. It's called Charlie McCarthy Put and Take Bingo.

It's a pretty simple game with one complicated twist... IT NEVER ENDS.

Seriously, if you follow the rules for this game you will play it for the remainder of your LIFE!

Perhaps that is why I couldn't find any information on the internet about this game.

Maybe there are some folks out there STILL trying to roll an 8 so that they can take back the last chip.

Since this article was neither funny nor informational I have decided to suppliment it with photos and random info.

Enjoy:

Sid Vicious:

Sid was born Sid Eudy in Arkansas back in 1960. At some point in his life he decided to join the ranks of Pro Wrestling. After all, he was 6 foot 9 and 320.

And, he was dumb as a bottle of strawberry syrup.

Sid started wrestling in 1987 after running into Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Can you imagine what that conversation sounded like?

MACHO: Oh yeah!
SID: I am really tall.
MACHO: Dig it! This is Macho Madness talking to you right now.
SID: Really, really tall.
MACHO: Snap into a Slim Jim. Spicy beef snacks! Get down!
SID: I could really go for some milk, with strawberry syrup.
MACHO: Macho man says dig it! Ohhhhhhhh yeah!

Yeah, I bet it was something like that.

Trousers are an item of clothing worn on the lower part of the body from the waist to the ankles, covering both legs separately (rather than with cloth stretching across both as in skirts and dresses). Such items of clothing are often referred to as pants in countries such as Canada, South Africa, Northern England and the United States. Additional synonyms include slacks, kegs or kex, breeches or breeks.

Seacrest out.

My Disney Cruise: Day 2

2009-08-04T11:40:00.000-04:00

This is the report of my second day on the Disney Wonder.

If you haven't read part one... good for you! Close your browser and go outside and enjoy the world.

If not... courage!

DAY 2:
This was the first full day on the ship.
On this day they docked at Nassau in the Bahamas.

Here is the view of Nassau from the ship:

Isn't it beautiful??
I had signed up for a tour of Nassau that included a stop at Ardastra Gardens (which is a small zoo.)

One of the first things I saw from the tour bus was this billboard:

Oh, Nassau, you classy vacation destination!

The tour took us around all of the finest spots in Nassau.

We saw this statue of Christopher Columbus:

Then this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

Nassau!

I wrote a poem about Nassau:

Nassau: The Poem

By Sweetie Guy Hutchinson

I went to Nassau on a hot day
It was a filthy ghetto
San Dimas High School Football Rules!

End of poem.

Seriously. The TOUR of Nassau took me to burned out buildings and crack houses

Anyway, eventually I ended up at the zoo.
It was a very small zoo. I liked it. It was very quaint and you could walk among the flamingos:

The flamingos also do a show in a small area there. Nothing spectacular, but tons of fun. I was a volunteer for the show and that meant that I got to stand in the middle of the area with a half dozen other guests as flamingos pecked at my clothes and leaned on me. It was awesome.

They also had other birds, goats, meerkats and other animals.

Back on the ship I watched Lilo & Stitch poolside (which is an awesome way to see a movie)

The characters were in formal wear on this day.

The characters had several different outfits throughout the cruise (beachwear, formal wear, sailor outfits, Pirate outfits, etc.)
The show on this day was Toy Story : The Musical. It was a lavish show that ran about 70 minutes. The music was great and the performances were superb.

After dinner I got to get my picture taken with Captain Gus.

If you are wondering what happens when he is not at the helm he said "There are many other captains on the ship. Captain Mickey, Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain hook..."

Day 3 coming soon...

Still haven't gotten to Day 3...

In the meantime... here is some other Disney nonsense:

Micehat talks Lance Bass

The post that was too EXTREME for Micechat.

The Lion King

2009-08-04T08:40:00.000-04:00

Recently I became enthralled with the lovable story of The Lion King.

It's always been one of my favorite films, and after a recent trip to Walt Disney World I decided to pop the DVD into that machine that takes the DVD and coverts it into a movie so I can look at it on that TV looking thing.

After watching the movie I headed to Wikipedia to find out every bit of useless knowledge I could about this movie...

What I found shocked me to my very core.

Did you see what I saw?

Do you see it now?

LOOK AT THAT:

OF COURSE I WANTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE MS KONGSHAVN!

I would like to say that what I found out was that the link led to a funny New Yorker cartoon where King Kong had muscular distropy and was trying to shave.

No. Not at all.

I would also love to tell you that the story of MS Kongshavn and it's time as The Lion King is a story worth telling.

It's not.

But, that won't stop me.

In 1979 a ship was built named MS Turella in, Turku, Finland. The ship has changed owners and names several times. It was the MS Stena Nordica, MS Lion King and MS Fantaasia before becoming the MS Kongshavn.

The ship is probably the only ship to be sorta named after two Disney films: The Lion King (from 1996 to 1998) and Fantaasia (no that is not a typo... uh and 1998-2008. I wish I paid better attention in English class. I know there is some kind of parenthesis within a parenthesis rule.)

So, after reading about the ship I went back to watching the ENTIRE Lion King quadrilogy. You didn't know that they made 4 Lion King films? Then you are a stupid, stupid fool.

Here are my reviews:
The Lion King: Like the majestic MS Kongshavn, The Lion King sailed to the top of the box office. Ha ha ha ha.
Anyway, I love this film. The stuff with Timon and Pumbaa is hysterical. The dramatic storyline with Scar is top notch and the music is fantastic.

The Lion King II: Simba's Pride: This was later retitled The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride. This was a Romeo and Juliet type story. It could have used more comedy, but it isn't bad. I was very disappointed on first viewing (in the late 1990s) but watching it again this week, it seemed much better.
Wikipedia says this:

Differences between DVD releases
On its initial release, The Lion King II: Simba's Pride was released in 1:33:1. For the special edition, this was changed to 1:66:1. Another major change to the special edition release was the quality of the image. It was lightened considerably and colors appeared brighter and slightly less saturated. Also, a small change in animation was present. As Kovu attempts to distract the crocodiles attacking both him and Kiara, he falls into the water and submerges a short time later. In the original release of the film, he yells open-mouthed as a crocodile swims towards him. In the special edition, he does not open his mouth as wide and turns his head sharply to face Kiara.

I am mildly disturbed that someone noticed that.

The Lion King 1 1/2: This is SUCH a funny movie. It starts out with Timon and Pumbaa watching the first Lion King film and then they decide to show us what they were doing during the first 40 minutes of the original film. The result is really genius. It's an excellent movie.

The Lion King: Circle of Life: An Environmental Fable: I am so sick of hitting the ":" key.
This is a 12 minute film that shows in Epcot. In it Timon and Pumbaa want to build a resort and Simba explains to him that stupid humans are polluting the earth with resorts and that he shouldn't build one or he is as bad as a person.
This film is being shown at the Walt Disney World resort.

Mickey Mantle at Hooters

2009-07-29T14:55:00.000-04:00

Not too much to say about this one... but that never stopped me before.

In my local Hooters they have this photo on the wall of Mickey Mantle with the Hooter girls. They aren't girls from my local Hooters (Mickey was already dead when it opened) and they aren't even at a Hooters (this was probably just a photo taken at some event that featured both Mickey and Hooter Girls.

This is just one of the many 8x10s that get sent to a new Hooters when they open so they have something to put on the walls until they start to establish pictures of their own events.

So, as time marched on at my Hooters, this odd photo moved to the back room. Not an employee lounge or anything... just a dining area where they only seat people on Super Bowl Sunday or other ridiculously busy days.

In other words, very few people get to see this photo.

But now, you have.

I love it.

I love that the girls have they tied cotton shirts (this was before the spandex tops.)

I love the oh so 80s visors they wear.

And I love the fact that the Hooter girl is holding a baseball bat in front of Mickey Mantle's crotch.

Journey: The Video Game

2009-07-29T14:25:00.000-04:00

Today there are flash games made for everything online. If you go to the website for any TV show they invariably have a little video game you can play by clicking on things or moving the arrow key on your keyboard.

It seems anyone can make one and in minutes. I bet there was a game online that simulates Michael Jackson's funeral... and I bet it was online before the funeral took place.

But until recently such things were unheard of.

In the 1980s making a video game was a several month and several billion dollar endeavor. I guess. I don't really know. I am just making a big fancy introduction for Journey: The Video Game.

It's hard to believe that Journey had ONE video game, but they actually had TWO... more if you count Rock Band or Guitar Hero games that include "Any Way You Want It."

But I don't "want it" that way. So it's two.

LOOK AT THAT FLYER!

This was created to generate a buzz for the Journey video game. It says "the hottest band in the country is about to take over the planet!" and you can tell they MEAN IT because it is in all caps. That's also why I put "mean it" in 'all caps.' Why I put "mean it" in the double quotation marks and "all caps" in the single quotation marks is a mystery to me. I just didn't pay enough attention in school.

Forgive me, but I didn't know that Journey was once the HOTTEST band on the planet. I knew they were hot, but I am thrilled to know they were the HOTTEST!

It must be true... take another look at that flyer:

There must be half a dozen fans waiting just outside the backstage doors. Luckily Officer Dabney Coleman is there to keep them out.

Oddly enough "backstage" has glass doors like a 7-11.

Let's take a look at the game:

Seriously, that is what it looks like.

I actually played this game and it really does play like one of those flash games. You have these odd computer people with photos of Journey band member's heads for heads (does that make sense? If not look at the picture again.)

Here is what Wikipedia says:

The game starts out with the player choosing one of five planets to travel to. Each planet features a minigame starring one of the Journey band members, with the objective of collecting his musical instrument (or, in the case of Steve Perry, a microphone).
Once the instruments are collected Journey performs a concert.

Sounds pretty stupid (or, in the case of Steve Perry, a microphone).

There was also DIFFERENT Journey game for Atari.

I am stunned it didn't become the next Donkey Kong (or, in the case of Steve Perry, a microphone).

My Disney Cruise: Day 1

2009-07-29T09:11:00.000-04:00

I am a Disney junkie. I take multiple trips to the theme parks every year, I watch the movies (even the straight to video ones) and I even took a trip to Walt's grave:

Still, there was one Disney vacation that I had not done...

What could it be....

Isn't this suspenseful?

It was...

The Disney Cruise.

Until now. Luckily I was recently able to take a four night voyage on a ship called The Disney Wonder. The ship's name is "Wonder" and it's operated by the Disney company... It's not named "Disney" and run by the Wonder Bread company... but that would have been pretty cool, too.

DAY 1:
Before entering the ship we saw a wonderful model of the Disney Magic (a different Disney ship.)

The model was possibly just for display, but I like to imagine that when really short people show up they let them sail on that. I also like to imagine that when really tall people show up they pretend that is the real ship and tell them they are too tall to ride. Then they cry.

Something about a crying giant really cracks me up.

I think it's interesting that they had a model of the Magic on display when we were there for the Wonder. Perhaps they both leave from the same place.

I bet if they get another ship they would call it Imagine or Discover. I can foresee the whole fleet: Magic, Wonder, Imagine, Discover, Exasperation, Celebration, Motivation, Maximum Cleaning Power, Alpha, Mister Googily Goo, Shemp and Joe Derita.

Once on the ship I had a chance to look around before the safety drill at 4pm.
For the drill everyone (and I mean everyone) had to put on a life vest and line up in an assigned spot. We were told this was the only serious part of our cruise. They even passed out rubber chickens and whoopee cushions after the drill to drive home the point.

Actually they didn't. But they did show us a video of a crying giant. It was hysterical.

As we set sail the Disney characters were on hand for a "Adventures Away" party. It was lots of fun with music and streamers. The drink of the day was the "Bahama Mama."

I bet if you take the cruise to Greece the drink of the day is the "Greece Niece" ... uh ... and if you go to Yemen it's the... uh... "Yemen Insurance Salesman."

Also on board were Disney Channel stars : Mitchel Musso, Jason Earles, Anna Maria Perez de Tagle and Brandon Smith.
During the cruise I saw them at a few special functions and I saw them wandering around the ship.

Almost every night featured a Broadway style show. The first night was a show called the Golden Mickey's. It was the least grandiose of the three shows, but it was my favorite.

It was themed as an award show and featured many performances from many Disney films. It certainly got me in the right mood for the rest of the trip!

First night's dinner was at Animator's Palate, a unique restaurant that changes color throughout the meal.

I wish I had taken a before photo so you could compare them. I also wish I could think of an exotic island that rhymes with "brother."

This is me with Lavendra, one of our servers. The servers are assigned to your party for dinner. So, no matter where our dinner was, Lavendra was there.

Back on land, I occasionally look around for Lavendra as I heat up a TV dinner. Then I feel sad. Then I think of a sad giant and I feel happy again.

Day 2 coming soon....

Twitter

2009-07-16T13:45:00.000-04:00

Twitter is a possible social networking tool. Until 3 years ago the only "social networking tool" I knew was Danny Bonaduce. Now social networking tools are everywhere.

Twitter is also what flys do when you pull their legs off.

Twitter allows users to post comments (or "tweets as dorks call them) of 150 charcters or less. This way you can alert people to what you have for lunch, when you bathe, what TV show you are watching and how you just pulled the wings off a fly.

And you can do it in real time.

The only problem with Twitter is finding something to say. Well, being that I DON'T have a Twitter account I have plenty of extra tweets just rattling around in my head.

I will present them here. That way all you have to do is cut and paste them into the Twitter box and everyone will think you are twitactular.

Take a look:

At Friendly's. A lady came by my table holding a salad. She said "which one of you gets this beautiful salad?" We didn't order a salad. I don't know if she even works here.

I just met a girl named Candy. I wanted to take a bite out of her. Not because she was pretty, but because I am a cannibal.

Saw Saw II. Didn't like the end. Too many credits. Dropped cigarette and burned couch. Wasn't even smoking.

Playing D&D with Steve. Steve said "Cleric Magic User" when he meant "Wizard Magic User." He so stupd.

At dentist. Need to have cavity filled. Filled with TACOS! Ha ha. I am hungry. I hope there is a Del Taco in this town.

Fighting with rival store owner. He said "this town isn't big enough for both of us." I suggested we both move to a bigger town.

Just remembered a Cracked magazine parody of wrestling where they called Sgt. Slaughter: Sgt. S. Laughter. That's funny! Words so close. Weird.

Forrest Gump on AMC. I don't think he really did all those things.

Playing Halo 4. I really thought this was a video game version of the Gary Coleman TV film Kid with the Broken Halo. It's not. Well, wait till I finish to be sure.

At DMV lady is trying to take my picture. She keeps saying "stop typing on your phone" or something. She stupid.

Still at DVM. Sgt. S. Laughter. That still cracks me up.

Cop just sped past. I wonder if the phrase "cop a feel" came from being frisked. Or maybe his first name was Al. Cop A. Feel. And he was a pervert.

CNN said inventor of VCR just died. I hope they rewind him before they put him in the box. Sorry. too soon.

Watching UFC 98. Much better than 4, 88, 32, 8, 71 and 6. Reminds me of UFC 22 or 58. I haven't watched 83 or 22 yet. 17, 67, 2. 9.

Steve is in wing eating contest. Watching. Hope he wins. Bet he will look like he has a baby bump after.

I used my new Asics when I ran today. NOT COMFORTABLE. Must make sure they were on the right feet. Yep they were on the right feet. Mine.

Watching some movie where Hulk Hogan babysits kids in a balerina outfit. Not sure the name. Possibly Easy Rider.

Can't belive there are candy called Goobers. Maybe they taste like a loogie.

Yaphet Kotto

2009-07-16T11:57:00.000-04:00

Yaphet Kotto is an American actor. His dad was the Crown Prince of Cameroon. No kiddin'! I don't know much about the political system in Cameroon. Perhaps Crown Prince is the top of the political ladder.... or maybe it's like being a city councilman.

I bet the system works like this: Cameroon is broken into 4 provinces (or Luplups as the locals call them.) Each Luplup is run by a Lord, a Landlord, a Governor and a Crown Prince. The four Crown Princes report to the President and he reports to Kirk Cameron.

Or maybe not.

Either way, Yaphet's dad wanted more and so he came to America in the 1920s. Yaphet started taking acting classes at 16, made his stage debut at 19 and started acting in films in his late 20s. He has since appeared in close to 100 TV and movie productions.

One of my favorite performances by Yaphet is in the James Bond actioner Live and Let Die.

This is one of my favorite films of the Bond franchise and Yaphet Kotto is my favorite villain.

Bond kills him by inflating him until he explodes.

He is called Mr. Big in the film. Not the best Bond villain name.

He is also known as Kananga. Still, not all that inspired... but when your REAL NAME is YAPHET KOTTO. Every character name has to be a bit of a let down.

Backwards his name is Ottok Tehpay.

He once put out a poetry record and there is a band out there that stole his name.

One time he stuck his thumbs in his ears and someone took his picture:

Yaphet Kotto!

Smoke and a Pancake

2009-07-16T11:36:00.000-04:00

The internet is pretty dang cool. You can flip through thousands of photos of whatever you choose. Search for "pancake" and you might find this dude:

I love this picture. I love how he holds his pancake with one hand and his ciggie with his other hand.

I love his tattoos. He has one on his left bicep and one on his right forearm. I wasn't sure what they were at first, but now I know... they are AWESOME.

I love his simple steel bracelet, I love the fact that he is eating pancakes outside in the fall.

I love that the pancake is shaped like a dog or a marmoset or something. That might meant that kids are around. This guy looks like a cool grandpa.

I love his steel watch and understated white shirt accented by what might be George Harrison's signature on his cigarette pocket.

God bless you dog shaped pancake eating, tattooed, smoking, George Harrison meeting, outdoor-sy grandpa.

Sonny Eclipse

2009-07-16T10:49:00.000-04:00

I love Walt Disney World. It's one of my favorite places in the world (just behind Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Disneyland and Jennifer Love Hewitt's dressing room.)

I usually make sure to visit all four parks on every visit (saving DisneyQuest for every 2 years) and I like to get my money's worth from my Annual Pass.

My touring schedule is like this:

I get to the theme park about 30 minutes before opening hit my favorites until about noon. Then I leave the park and find a nice place for lunch. After that I head back to my hotel... go to a museum... do something away from the heat and crowds at the park. I return by 3 or 4pm and stay there until it's time to get back to the hotel and sleep.

This works great. The afternoon break gives me a chance to get changed (if my clothes are sweaty, or dirty or have gone out of style since I put them on) maybe take a shower, swim, pick up taxidermied gator heads at souvenir stand and look for Brutus Beefcake (I hear he lives around there.)

Then when I get back to the theme park I feel so refreshed... I feel like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Sometimes this just won't work. Usually on the last day of my vacation I have already checked out of my hotel and I just want to squeeze every last minute out of the day.

So I stay.

But I have found ways to beat the heat. I carry a hand towel with me to whisk the sweat off my brow. I go to Epcot and drink a cold margarita to cool me off. I drink two margaritas and I forget that it's so hot. I drink three margaritas and I forget to wear pants and call up my high school girlfriend (she's a podiatrist in Pennsylvania.)

Or I watch Sonny Eclipse.

Sonny is an animatronic lounge lizard. He's one of those Disney robots, like the Country Bears, Abe Lincoln (at the Hall of Presidents) or The Jonas Brothers.

Sonny is located in Tomorrowland at the Magic Kingdom. He entertains guests at a counter service burger place called Cosmic Ray's Starlight Cafe. I never ate there, but I love to stop in and grab a table and watch Sonny do his thing.

He tells corny jokes (Hey! Did you hear the universe is expanding? Guess it's time to loosen the asteroid belt!) and sings swingin' big band songs.

He sings original songs about subjects like "gravity" and the outer space city he hails from Yew Nork (on the planet Zork.)

According to something I heard somewhere his voice is provided by renown blues artist Kal David.

Check out Sonny performing Planetary Boogie:

Top 10

2009-07-16T09:32:00.000-04:00

#10: Oliver the Humanzee. This chimp was considered by many scientists to be some kind of half man, half chimp. The claim is long been disproved, but I still love Oliver.
Oliver walks completely upright and in his heyday smoked cigars and drank beer.
Just like Teddy Roosevelt.

#9 The King of Queens Episode where Doug wins a lot of money and must spend it in a day. Like the Brewsters Millions films (and I said FILMS because the Richard Pryor version was actually the seventh big screen version of the book Brewsters Millions) this episode dealt with the amusing idea of someone intentionally blowing a lot of money.
In this story, Doug and Deacon win money in their office football pool or lottery or something (I didn't bother to look it up in an episode guide) and so they decide to spend the money in one day rather than share it with their wives.
They eat lobster rent a flashy car and rent a singer (I think it may have been Joe Cocker, Rick Derringer, the guy from Survivor or Bryan Singer: the director of Superman Returns.)

#8 A photo of Mr. T with Hillbilly Jim and Hulk Hogan.

#7 Steve Harvey's mustache. Isn't it magnificent? Who wants to "click to see hats" when you can gaze into that beautiful hair covering his lip. Like the mighty Sampson, the power of his follicles overwhelm us all.

#6 Hungry Jacks. In Australia some Burger Kings are called Hungry Jack. There is some really boring legal reason, but don't worry about it. Just gaze at the beauty that is Hungry Jack. Then imagine it with Steve Harvey's mustache. Delicious.

#5 Wonder Sauna Pants. Slim your way to a better you inside a pair of inflated plastic bags. You won't look like a jerk.

#4 Little Mr. T. Don't mistake this ranking to mean he is superior to Mr. T. He is just superior to a photo of Mr. T with Hillbilly Jim and Hulk Hogan.
Little Mr. T was a midget wrestler in the 1980s.

#3Disney's Polynesian Resort. Bordering the Seven Seas Lagoon, this slice of paradise feels so removed from the hustle and bustle of the Magic Kingdom yet it is just a monorail ride away. It also always looks like 1971 there. I should wear my sauna pants and Steve Harvey's mustache there.

#2 Moxie. The beverage, known for it's strong taste, is still produced today. It is a beverage. The name for it is Moxie. Moxie has strong taste, in fact it's still being produced! Also of note: Moxie is known for it's strong taste, a taste that is stronger thus people know it as such.
Wow, I didn't think I had enough info for a paragraph! How wrong I was!

#1 The Poster for Semi-Tough. This is a pretty good Burt Reynolds flick, but MAN OH MAN is it a great poster. Just look at it!
Sweet.

Smurf your Atari

2009-07-15T14:50:00.000-04:00

I love the Atari. I have one in my living room. A classic faux wood grain Atari 2600 and a pile of games. What I like about it (other than the sheer nostalgia) is the simplicity of the games.

Here is one I like:

Smurfs: Rescue in Gargamel's Castle. You know I don't think I ever noticed the subtitle before.

The plot is: you are a Smurf and you have to perform a rescue in Gargamel's castle.

That's pretty much it.

Here are some stills from the Colecovision version. Same basic premise, just better looking:

First thing that you need to learn in this game is hopping. This game has more hops in it than a case of Miller Light. Wait, let me check on that...

I just read some long winded message board babble about how Miller Light claims to have "Triple Hops" but the message board people think it has no hops.

I don't know what a hop is and I don't wanna bother checking... although Drunk Atari would be an awesome name for my new Ska band.

Anyway, the point is... you have to push up twice to hop and you must hop constantly in this game. See that fence? Gotta hop it. If you try and walk into it YOU DIE.

I don't get it. Was the fence made of small pox? How the hell does it kill you? You are only walking into it.

Plus, this must be a Smurf made fence. Smurfs are only 3 apples high (don't ask how I know that) so if it was a real fence even Anthony Hopkins couldn't 'hop' it.

That wasn't a stupid joke based solely on Hopkins' name. I heard that during the making of Remains of the Day he took a skipping start and hopped over Merchant and Ivory.

And why would a Smurf built fence out of small pox? It defies logic.

Keep hopping. Gotta hop up the cliff. I just hop the whole game. Why bother walking?

Now you hop down a cliff. AND YOU HAVE TO HOP. If you step off your legs crumble under you. It's awful.

Finally we have hopped our way to Gargamel's castle! But first we must hop past it and hop over a river. Careful We have to hop over snakes, but hop under birds.

Also, what kind of bird is THAT small next to a Smurf. I don't think this really happened. It must have been made up by the game programmer.

Somehow once you walk PAST Gargamel's you enter his castle. He isn't home, but you still have to rescue Smurfette.

So, hop past the spider and hop up to her.

Then you can do it all over again, but they do silly things like make you do each screen many times in a row, or add lots of birds.

I give it four stars... out of how many stars? You will never know.

Here is the original commercial for the game:

A bunch of stupid pictures

2009-07-15T13:14:00.000-04:00

Hey! Look at this dude and this lady! They met Ted Danson:

And they met him in a bar! Wowee! That is too cool. Ted is dressed like he is either in a barbershop quartet or a ticket taker at General Cinemas.
Also, is that flag on the wall behind him? Or did Neil Armstrong land on his head and put that there?

Look out kids! It's Bob Newhart:

They say this is from the rehearsal of the 37th Emmy awards, but I like to pretend he was at a Gwar concert but couldn't find anyone to go with him.

I don't know who this guy is:

But I love his ship's steering wheel paper weight. Rock on stranger.

Bosom Buddies? It's Peter Scolari and Tom Hanks:

The two Bosom Buddies stars reunited at the premiere of Polar Express. Peter pressed his head to Tom's bosom and the photo was snapped. Later Peter started to cry and Tom wiped his tears with million dollar bills and drove him home. They were able to put Peter's 83 Ford Escort in the trunk of Tom's giant limo.

Talk about Macho! It's Macho Man Randy Savage:

Randy showed up at the premiere for Disney's Bolt looking like Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazzard... well, things could be worse. He could look like Uncle Jesse...
...from Full House!

John Travolta in a plane:

Yep! He flies planes!

John Travolta:

He knows all about planes!

John Travolta:

Yes sirree! We know he likes the planes!

John Travolta:

Flying the friendly skies! He likes the cockpit!

John Travolta:

You like planes. We get it.

John Travolta:

We know it! You like planes and kissing dudes! Enough!

Good Burger

2009-07-15T10:30:00.000-04:00

In 1997 the film Good Burger opened in over 2000 theaters. The film debut at midnight in most cities around the United States. It went on to make over 50 million dollars on Friday and by the following weekend it passed Titanic to become the highest grossing film of all time. Soon people all over the world were buying up merchandise and "consider yourself tomatoed" became a national catchphrase.
The film was quickly followed by Good Burger 2: The Return of Mondo Burger which proved to be as popular as the original. Then in 2008 the duo of Keenan and Kel were elected as the first Black President and Vice President on a platform of lower taxes and putting Osama Bin Laden into "the grinder."
And Sweetie Guy Hutchinson had a nice 4 day weekend and drank some good lemonade.

Ahh, what a perfect world that would be.

But alas, Good Burger opened quietly, didn't rock the box office and I never got any lemonade.

Still, I love this movie. If you haven't seen it, here is a synopsis:

Based on a sketch from the 'All That' Nickelodeon series, Good Burger stars Keenan and Kel (I am not sure about the rest of their names. Maybe it was Keenan Ivory Wayans and Kel Penn.)

Kel plays Ed, a doofus who works the counter at a fast food joint. Keenan plays Dexter, a kid who broke Sinbad's car (the actor, not the mythical sailor.)

Soon the duo are working together at the Good Burger where Abe Vigoda and K-Fed's other baby momma (Shar Jackson) crack jokes.

But all is not well. Soon Mondo Burger opens, a bigger burger joint. On the verge of bankruptcy Good Burger starts using Ed's secret sauce and 20 minutes later George Clinton dances and the credits roll.

italianfoodfan2001 (Sun Jun 14 2009 15:25:50)

What do you think is the recipe for his sauce?

I saw him putting in carnation milk powder, whole unpeeled onions, and pickles in the scene where he was making the sauce. He also apparently puts in lemon juice and ketchup when he almost keeps blabbing the recipe. And I wonder how he got it to look all saucey? He probably put in a lot of water. I'm going to experiment this tomorrow but like I'm going to make a whole pot of it? no way.

No way indeed, Italianfoodfan2001.

Here is what the Good Burger looks like today:

It's a taco stand. In the film I think they simply made fake walls to create a building around the counter.

Here is Mondo Burger:

It's a real estate/dentist office! In the movie you can see the dentist sign on the outside of the building.

Anyway, the whole movie is on Youtube:

Hope you love it.

Something Queer is Going On

2009-07-15T09:14:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid one of my favorite things was when we ordered books. The memory is a bit hazy, but I think every three or four months Scholastic would put out a catalogue and you could flip through it with your pals (during class time) and try and find a few books that you would like to read.

Usually the books were fun children's books with glossy covers and illustrations. The stuff kids love.

Then a few weeks later the teacher would open a big box and hand you your books.

I loved that.

I still remember the thrill of getting the new book and trying not to crease the spine as I read the book.

Then about ten minutes later I would give up on that pipe dream and curl the book up and stuff it in my back pocket.

I ordered some awesome books that way. Many of them I still have. Books like the novelization of Back to the Future II (where all the swear words were replaced with words like "jerk") and 'The Indian in the Cupboard' (oh how I laughed at the fact that they called the bathroom "toilet."

Lines like "I was in the toilet when my mom came home" just cracked me up.

Anyway, one of the books I got was called 'Something Queer is Going On' by Elizabeth Levy.

It's at this point that I wish to point out that I will not make any "queer" jokes. I am sure my younger self would be sad about that.

Instead I will misquote 'The Indian in the Cupboard' again:

"I went into the toilet to wash up for dinner."

Priceless.

The book tells the story of Jill a young girl who comes home to find her lazy dog Fletcher missing. So she and her pal Gwen start to look for him.

The book is full of unusual quirks: Gwen taps her braces when she thinks and Jill has problems with anxiety.

The book was funny. I read it again recently and I still think it worked.

The highlight of the book, however, was the illustrations. Done by a dude named Mordicai Gerstein. As a kid I found that name awsomely bizzare. As an adult I find it awesomely bizarre (I spell a little better now.

The illustrations were full of arrows pointing out details and there was a detailed diagram of the dog and how his spots resembled a map of the world.

I got my copy sometime in the 1980s, but I found out that the book was actually originally released in the early 1970s.

Anyway, after reading the book I found out that we were having an assembly. Wow, that sounds so stupid. Every presentation or show or concert at school was called an assembly.

I don't know if that is a regional thing or not, but it sounds funny.

Our assemblys (or is it assemblies? Maybe my spelling hasn't improved) always took place in the gym. A few hundred kids would gather in the gym and sit on the floor as someone did something, sang something or talked to us about something.

On that day we were getting a talk from Elizabeth Levy with Mordicai Gerstein. Looking back, I was pretty lucky. My favorite book was a book that was over a decade old and yet the author and illustrator came to my small town to talk to us about it.

I carried my beat up copy to the assembly with me and followed along as Ms. Levy read the book to us. Then they took questions.

I asked Mordicai if he traced the pictures. (Traced them from what I didn't know.) He politely answered my idiotic question. After the assembly they sold and autographed books.

I took my copy (which had small rips in the cover and a water stain on the pages (I hope it's water) and got them to sign it.

Mordicai even drew a cartoon of Fletcher, the dog from the book.

I am happy to say I still have the book.

Jason Alexander: Pitchman

2009-07-14T14:58:00.000-04:00

If you are a Youtube junkie, you know how it happens... your video ends and you click on a "related video" that is barely "related" and soon you find yourself watching dozens of clips on a subject you would have never searched for.

It happened to me recently with Seinfeld's Jason Alexander. After watching a clip about the sitcom I got sucked into the world of Jason Alexander: Pitchman. Like a cross between Billy Mays and Mr. Jansley (my neighbor... he looks a lot like Jason Alexander) Jason would sell and sell and sell. It didn't matter if it was beer or bail bonds, he would sell it. Even if it was as stupid as telling people to put soup in their hamburgers Jason would do it.

And you would like it.

The first one I saw was this classic for McDonalds:

He sings and dances and speaks like a crazy game show host as he sells us on the absurd concept of keeping your lettuce cold during the 10 second trip from the McDonald's counter to your table.

Then I saw this one where a young Jason plays a high school stud. Also in the commercial is a fake cowboy and a vaudevillian. The title says 1981, but judging by Jason's look I bet it's a few years older. Judging by the vaudeville humor, perhaps it's from 1920:

Getting a start in commercials is sufficient for most celebrities, but not Jason. He kept pitching, even when Seinfeld was on the air! He did many commercials for Rold Gold pretzels:

What a funny commercial! And it confirmed my theory that George Costanza had no male genitalia.

I also spotted this gem:

What a performance by Jason as he sports an oven mitt and the funniest pair of pants I have ever seen.

Here is a beer commercial where Jason plays background to Yogi Berra:

This was back when Yogi's "pretend to be stupid" gimmick was cute. Now he seems like a sad, senile old man when he does it.

And finally, Jason goes to jail:

I bet the guards helped him keep his "hot side hot" and his "cold side cold."

Wait, that makes no sense... I gotta go put some soup in my burgers.

Benji

2009-07-14T12:41:00.000-04:00

I have been watching a lot of Benji lately. I had always had a soft spot for the floppy mutt, but after watching Oh Heavenly Dog a few weeks ago I have been going a bit Benji crazy.

For those that don't know, Benji was a character in a hugely successful series of films, TV shows, TV specials, books, board games, records, Viewmaster reels, etc, etc, etc. Benji was everywhere for much of the 1970s and 1980s.

Over the course of the films Benji has been played by 3 or 4 dogs depending on who you ask (the 3rd Benji never appeared on TV or in movies.)

Most recently Benji appeared theatrically in 2004's Benji Off The Leash.

There is an absurd amount of Benji info to digest, but I will do my best to throw as much info at you as possible in a completely non-linear fashion that you will probably not be able to retain at all.

Benji had a game on the Commodore 64 computer.

Benji was created by Joe Camp who has directed every single appearance as far as I can tell.

The series started with the film Benji in 1974. It was a well made dramatic film that tells of a kidnapping case that was solved by a stray dog named... you guessed it... Puddles.

Then Puddles lets fame go to his head and soon turns to the bottle. What dog can help him? You guessed it... WWE's Road Dogg Jesse James. He teaches him how to walk the straight and narrow as they work for Jeff Jarrett.

Soon Jarrett double crosses them both and Puddles meeets... yep... Benji. Benji Gregory, the kid from Alf. Is this funny to anyone but me? Probably not.

Anyway, in the real movie Benji (the dog) foils the crime. The film is a lot less "awww" and more "awesome!" (I should put that on a T-shirt.)

The film doesn't talk down to the audience and really doesn't even play as a kid's film. It's really great. The dog was played by Higgins, who was also the dog in Petticoat Junction.

The second film is For the Love of Benji which I haven't seen yet. I may have seen it as a kid, but I don't recall. I just picked it up as part of a discount box set in a Wal-Mart bin. This film (and everything else until Off the Leash starred Higgins' daughter Benjean.

Along with the feature films Benji did a number of TV specials. One showed him taking a "dive" at Marineland.

I thought that he was going to let Stallone score a KO over him in a big fish tank, but that wasn't the type of "dive" he did.

This special was really unusual. It took place at Marineland Florida (which is a much smaller, and older, version of Sea World.)

The plot involved a bunch of puppets who were all either promoting Benji, trying to sabotage Benji or trying to put the moves on Benji.

The puppets get more screen time than Benji does. The dive in question is actually scuba diving. Yep, they put the dog in a special suit and he scuba dives. It's awesome.

Joe Camp also extended Benji's fame beyond the boundaries of children's entertainment. According to Joe's site Benji had a photo spread in Playgirl. I have not seen it... and I don't dare do a Google image search for "Benji in Playgirl" I assume there have been many dudes named Benji in Playgirl over the years.

Here is what Joe's site says about the Playgirl photos:

Benji is the only canine actor to ever appear as a centerfold in Playgirl Magazine. When asked if such an appearance isn't a break from his usual family-friendly philosophy, Joe says, "The way we looked at it was that in addition to being ridiculously funny, Benji's centerfold meant one less naked man on the magazine racks... because, you see, the dog playing Benji at that time was actually a girl." Would he do it again? "No."

Oh Heavenly Dog was also a bit more "adult" than most of the Benji projects. This time Benji got second billing to Chevy Chase as Chase plays a murdered womanizer who returns to earth as Benji to solve his own murder. The jokes are a bit off color and a few mild swear words are thrown about. As far as I have seen, this is the only film that Benji "talks" in (we hear Chevy's thoughts when he is in the body of the dog.)

It's kind of a shame because I do like talkin' doggie flicks. Also, there has never been any animated Benji adventures. There have been several illustrated books and lots of merchandise with artistic renderings of Benji, but no actual TV or film animated adaptations.

In the late 1980s Joe teamed up with the Disney company to produce Benji The Hunted. In this film Benji survives a shipwreck and ends up on an island and gets stuck caring for some orphaned baby mountain lions. This film has almost no dialogue since humans rarely appear in the film and it's not one of those talkin' doggie flicks I love so much.

Benji also had a Christmas special that I watched a few years back. In it he went to Iceland or Sweden or someplace that I was pretty sure I wouldn't want to go to.

In the special he meets Santa, but I think they tell you it's just an actor playing Santa.

I am not 100% sure it wasn't the North Pole. While I am confessing, I might mention that I am not sure Benji The Hunted took place on an island (not a Peninsula) and I did Google "Benji in Playgirl." Not recommended.

All of this scratches the surface of the Benji world, but there is still much more.

Benji had a TV series for a few years called Benji, Zax and the Alien Prince.

This is one of the oddest TV shows I have ever seen that was NOT a Sid and Marty Krofft production

In this a young boy (who is an alien Prince) crash lands on Earth with his robot who looks like a cross between C3PO, Wall-e and a dreidel.

Only Benji can protect them from some angry mob of alien monks.

I know you think I am making it up, but it is really true.

Anyway, I have been watching Benji as much as possible lately. I ordered the board game and a plush toy and I should have enough VHS and DVDs of the pooch to keep me busy for weeks to come.

Then some other flight of fancy will strike and I will be obsessed with the San Diego Chicken, Outback Jack or The Civil War.

Until then...

woof.

VINTAGE 1985 ANDRE THE GIANT vs NiKOLAI VOLKOFF PAJAMAS

2009-07-07T14:18:00.000-04:00

VINTAGE 1985 ANDRE THE GIANT vs NiKOLAI VOLKOFF PAJAMAS

How is that for an eye catching title! I found this on eBay today:
LINK

What exciting dreams a child of 1985 would have had imagining the epic battle between Andre the Giant and Nikolai Volkoff.

Oh the fun I had in those days pouring a bowl of cereal and sitting on the floor as I watched WWF Wrestling Challenge and waited for Andre to floss his butt with the top rope and make a "letter c" with his hand.

Then Nikolai would stand there in his black trunks and do the Iron Claw.

Wait a minute! Volkoff wore RED trunks! And I am pretty sure I never saw him use an Iron Claw. If this is the start of the match he should have a mic and he should be singing the Russian National Anthem.

I can't remember Volkoff's finishing move. I can't remember him winning a match that he didn't his his opponent with Fred Blassie's cane or a flag pole.

A quick Wiki search reveals that it was a bear hug.

Perhaps the PJs should have him hugging Andre with all his might.

I would love to own this, but buying used children's pajamas on the internet seems to be a gateway to something awful.

The Easter Bunny and Big Bird

2009-07-07T11:30:00.000-04:00

If you know me at all, you probably know my love of costumed characters.
Whenever I hear that one is in my area I make sure to snap a photo of it... usually with me standing next to the character.

And the more obscure the better. Sure, I get my picture with Mickey and Goofy when I go to Disneyland, but it's even more exciting to get a picture with Sunny Supersaurus at Super Fresh:

I am not sure WHY I like it. I rarely interact with the big muppet. I usually just take the picture and say thank you. Usually if they speak I find it mildly disturbing.

Perhaps it's just the collection of photos that makes it exciting.

That could be it. I do have several framed photos of me and costumed people mixed in among my photos of me with celebrities.

And after spending 10 minutes on Wikipedia reading about people who are sexually attracted to costumed characters I am both nauseated and convinced I am not one of them.

Nope, I don't even want to hold hands and walk on the beach with them.

I just want to get a photo with them.

Perhaps it brings back some kind of childhood memories. Maybe it takes me back to a younger age and a simpler time.

Maybe.

But I have some evidence against that:

Big Bird. That's me (the baby) with some horrible bloated and beaten Big Bird. The picture was taken at the Brunswick Square Mall which was really far from my childhood home. My mom doesn't remember the day the photo was taken, but she must have been disappointed.

I was too young to know better, but my older brother brother seems unimpressed by Big Bird. Ugh. He looks Big Bird if he had a peanut allergy and had just taken a Nutrageous bar intraveniously... and if he was really filthy and had a droopy eye.

During my youth I also met this thing:

That's the Easter Bunny. I am the one in the black. My sister seems happy, but my younger brother and I seem a bit confused.

He looks like a q-tip that was used to clean a pencil sharpener.

Celebrities going over Niagara Falls in a Barrel

2009-06-23T13:17:00.000-04:00

A few years ago I went to Niagara Falls in Canada. It was a fun trip, but on the final day I was still a bit disappointed.

Sure, the weekend had been lots of fun. I had done some cool things, but I didn't see anyone go over the falls in a barrel.

Not wanting to research, I just assumed dudes were going over the falls in a barrel all the time. I thought so many barrels were popping down that you expected Donkey Kong to be standing at the top of the Falls.

Nope, that was not the case.

Luckily, at a tourist attraction, I found something that would change my life forever. Or at least help me fill up a few paragraphs of silliness.

A small booth was set up with a plastic barrel that you could be photographed in as you pretended to go over the Falls.

Even more exciting was a wall of photos of people who posed in the barrel.

The lady who worked the booth was quick to point out Tom Arnold:

Look at that! It's Tom Arnold! Star of... uh... I think he did a movie with Stallone called Eraser.

He also starred in one of the greatest films I have ever seen: The Stupids.

His co-star in The Stupids was Jessica Lundy, star of... uh... The Stupids.

It is Jessica Lundy that Tom Arnold is molesting in the photo.

If all I had seen on the wall at this booth was Tom Arnold going over Niagara Falls in a barrel as he groped Jessica Lundy I would have left very happy.

But, there was more.

Here is John Ritter:

Awesome. Even more impressive was the photo indicates that the fake barrel photo industry has been around for many years, and (other than a new logo on the barrel) they don't change much.

I asked if there were anymore celebrities. She said "no."

Then she said "except for this guy" and pointed to this photo:

Who is that? Well, that is a guy who impersonates John Travolta.

You know, I think that might be even cooler than the other two.

I own a picture of a picture of a guy who looks like another guy in a barrel pretending to be in a different barrel going down Niagara Falls.

I walked away then as the lady cursed me for not paying $7 to get my own photo taken. I didn't need to I had something much better.

This: