Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Everyone is gay on the IMDB

Now that David Lee Roth has a radio show I had plenty of questions:

What is he like?
What has he been doing since 1986?
Is he STILL just a gigolo?

I could get these answers by listening to his show, but he's on REALLY early. So, I stuck with my normal schedule of sleeping until noon and then looking on the internet for answers to all my questions.

A quick search of the IMDB.com's message boards unveiled this post:
Is He Gay?
by - gnrfan2008 (Fri Dec 16 2005 08:39:06 )
My friends tell me that David lee Roth is gay or bisexual because of his stage clothes. But I think he's straight. Who is right?


The thread contained many theories about Roth. He wears gay clothes, says gay things and is gay. Gay, gay, gay. GAAAAAYYYY!

I had never known about his gayness, but now I read it in print. ON THE INTERNET! Everything I read on the internet MUST be true.

I AM THE FUNNIEST WRITER EVER.

See? It must be true.

This got me thinking about that gay cowboy movie, Brokeback Mountain. It is really gay! Probably the gayest cowboy movie in the HISTORY of gay cowboy movies. BUT, are the guys IN it gay?

To find out I went back to the most reliable place on the internet, the IMDB message boards. This is what I found on Heath Ledger's page:

IS HE ACTUALLY GAY?
by - Carpa_Noctem (Sat Jan 21 2006 16:22:05 )
Entertainment weekly actually reported that he had a close relationship wtih Jake Gyllenhall on the set, and they hinted it was the REAL THING? Anybody know anything?

Hmmm, that seems to be proof enough for me. I couldn't spell Jake Guyllcooljenhaul's last name correctly, so, let's look up Molly Ringwald instead:

She's a lesbian?!
by - CGAlex22007 (Fri Jun 25 2004 21:39:14)
It said her husband/wife's name was Valaryie.


Well, I can't argue with that logic. Hey! Hulk Hogan's real name is "Terry" so he MUST be gay. In fact, he might be a woman. Or, just as likely, a gay woman. Let's check the message board:

Is he gay?
by - twigggy46 (Tue Nov 29 2005 21:13:34)
Ok, I know he likes women so maybe he's just BI. But my friend told me he was having sex with Andre the giant, is this true?


I bet it happened in the locker room after Wrestlemania IV.

How about David Letterman's band leader Paul Shaffer? Gay? Of course he is! Take a look:

Is he gay?
by - zuma1986 (Sun May 1 2005 10:25:01 )
Why else would he write the song "It's Raining Men"

Why indeed.

If that isn't enough evidence for you, I share this line from later in the message thread:

"The one thing about Paul Shaffer that looks really gay is the way he motions his hands towards Dave after each song."


Here is another:
VIN DIESEL GAY???
by - willpbudd (Tue Jan 3 2006 06:31:25)
hey i was just wondering if he was becuase the rumors were going round that he is but can anyone prove that he is or isnt thankyou! im desperate to know!!

Too bad Andre the Giant is dead. They would have made a handsome couple.


Speaking of handsome couples, what about Batman and Robin?

Adam West's board contains the following two posts:

Group Sex Orgie?
by - DiorGalliano (Tue Aug 23 2005 16:33:40)
Call me crazy but I heard that Adam West and Burt, Batman & Robin used to have wild sex partys..And that Adam West was a sexaddict! Anyone can confirm these rumours? Is this true?

Re: Group Sex Orgie?
by - radeon9200_6 (Fri Aug 26 2005 10:41:41)
You probably read that "Is he Gay thread" right well the idiot has no way to prove it so I guess not
What were you expecting something special


I am sure we can find the truth on Burt Ward's page:
Is he gay?
by - angelinastarr (Sat Mar 5 2005 19:41:11) Ignore this User | Report Abuse
my "friend" wants to know if this actor is gay. I honestly could care less what his sexual orientation is, but my friend is DESPERATE to know.

if anyone knows, please let me know

Ten bucks says the friend IS Adam West.

IN CONCLUSION:
All of these posts are really on the IMDB. I didn't make up a single word. That is EXACTLY how they read. Just about every other actor and actress I looked up had some question about homosexuality posed in their message board.

I tried openly gay celebrities like Rosie O'Donnell hoping to find topics that said "STRAIGHT?!?!?" but to no avail. It seems that they only want to know if people are gay.

So, next time you are on the IMDB check your favorite actor. You might be surprised by what you find.

7 comments:

  1. I searched my favorite name and found this.

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  2. You're a cigarette!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LL Cool J1/31/2006

    Thanks for not mentioning me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I could find any posts questioning Kevin Smith's sexuality, but there was this post.

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  5. Mr. No Like the smell of leather1/31/2006

    Wait a minute! Rosie O Donnel is GAY???!??!??

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sweetie - you hit the nail on the head. IMDB is the Liberace of the internet; it is the original $3 bill webpage. I never trust that IMDB website any - the information on it is questionable at best. I am thinking of creating a site devoted to exposing all the inaccurate information on IMDB. Their movie reviews almost always have major inaccuracies.

    ReplyDelete