Monday, November 15, 2004
An Interview With A Wind Up Toy Robot
talking to things that don't talk
bunchojunk: Hi, do you mind if I interview you for my website?
Robot: Uh... alright. What's your website?
Robot: Oh. Is that that site where they have all that stupid garbage?
bunchojunk: No, that's eBay.
Robot: Oh yeah. So what is your site?
bunchojunk: It's just silly articles and such.
Robot: Why would I want to be on an website with silly articles?
bunchojunk: We also feature... uh...
Robot: Naked robots?
bunchojunk: Uh... sure.
Robot: Do you have any nude photos of the Tin Man from the Wizard Of Oz?
bunchojunk: No. Hey! The Tin Man wasn't a robot.
Robot: You humans are so naive. He was a TM3000 model.
bunchojunk: Good god! Is that true?
Robot: Oh yeah! He was big on the 'robot talk circuit' for years.
bunchojunk: I never heard of that. Is that some kind of convention where they talk about robots?
Robot: Well, actually it’s a convention where robots get together and talk about the Funky Winkerbean. That is one funny strip!
bunchojunk: Uh huh. Do you know Rosie from the Jetsons?
Robot: No, do you know Wheezie from the Jefferson’s?
Robot: Well, you seem to be assuming that I should know EVERY robot, do you know every person?
bunchojunk: Yikes. I am sorry I was so insensitive.
Robot: Ah, that’s okay. Do you have any more questions?
bunchojunk: No. Not really.
Robot: Wanna play 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon' with me? We can play for money?
Robot: You wanna give me some money so I can buy some bacon.
bunchojunk: Uh, I really can't right now.
Robot: I understand. You know how people say 'bringing home the bacon?'
Robot: Well, what is THAT all about? Why is bacon so important to people?
bunchojunk: I think that is just slang for money.
Robot: Oh. Well, can you explain the popularity of Piggly Wigglys?
bunchojunk: Low prices, good groceries.
Robot: What about 'Pigs In Space'?
bunchojunk: On the Muppet Show?
Robot: Yeah, how come Miss Piggy was on that, but they didn't call her Miss Piggy?
bunchojunk: I don't know, maybe she was playing a different character.
Robot: They should make a movie about Pigs In Space. I would cast Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Link.
(This went on for another two hours and 18 minutes until I got really hungry so I pretended to leave for the men’s room and made a hasty exit.)