Friday, September 10, 2004

An interview with a pair of Zubaz pants


Recently I saw something I have not seen in a very long time: a pair of Zubaz pants.
Zubaz were the bizarre striped workout pants popularized by pro athletes in the early 1990's. I decided that now was a perfect time for:

Talking to things that don't talk

bunchojunk: Hello, Zubaz pants.

Zubaz: Please call me Zippy P.

bunchojunk: What?

Zubaz: Zippy P. That is my new nickname.

bunchojunk: Cool.

Zubaz: Look, kid, you got a question? I got things to do.

bunchojunk: Really? Like what?

Zubaz: I gotta get over to OTB and put some money on a horse.

bunchojunk: What?

Zubaz: I said "I gotta get over to OTB and put some money on a horse."

bunchojunk: What does that mean? Oh, wait, is that slang for "I have to pee?"

Zubaz: Look, never mind that. What questions do you have?

bunchojunk: Okay, Zippy P., how did Zubaz pants, like you, come into existence?

Zubaz: Well, it was 1991. Dan Stock and Bob Truax owned a weightlifting gym. They wanted to design a pair of pants that would be comfortable for bodybuilders. Next thing you know; Bada bing, bada bang, bada boo; I was created.

bunchojunk (scribbling on notepaper): Wait, I missed part of that.

Zubaz: What part?

bunchojunk : I think you said "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo."

Zubaz: No, that was "Bada bing."

bunchojunk : No, I got that part.

Zubaz: Bada bang? Bada boo? What was it?

bunchojunk : Are you sure you didn't say "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo?"

Zubaz: Yup.

bunchojunk : Positive?

Zubaz: Yeah. Anyway, they wanted pants for bodybuilders-

bunchojunk : That was it. Bodybuilders. I thought you said "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo." Anyway, what was it like when the pants became a big hit? Was that cool?

Zubaz: Yeah, it was good, and bad. It was nice to be so popular and all that. But, truth is, EVERY ATHELETE WAS WEARING ME! That was a bad thing.

bunchojunk : Why?

Zubaz: Would you want to be worn by William Perry?

bunchojunk : Hmmmm, with or without underwear?

Zubaz: Uh, with.

bunchojunk : Hot day? Or a cold day?

Zubaz: Either one.

bunchojunk : Does he have keys in his pocket?

Zubaz: No, but he spills things on you.

bunchojunk : Hmmm. I would have to say no.

Zubaz: See what I mean. After Zubaz became a big success, every sports team needed one with their logo on it.

bunchojunk : I understand that in 1993 the pants were available in 64,003 different colors.

Zubaz: Could be. But, you probably just made that up.

bunchojunk : Yeah, I did. What was your favorite color?

Zubaz: I was big fan of the Laker's purple and yellow.

bunchojunk : Cool. Any final words for my readers?

Zubaz: Keep your feet on the ground, keep a song in your heart, and keep extra batteries around for the smoke detector. That saves lives.

bunchojunk : Thank you. You were great. I really-

Zubaz: Ahhhh, get outta here kid. You bother me.

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