Friday, September 10, 2004
An interview with a pair of Zubaz pants
Zubaz were the bizarre striped workout pants popularized by pro athletes in the early 1990's. I decided that now was a perfect time for:
Talking to things that don't talk
bunchojunk: Hello, Zubaz pants.
Zubaz: Please call me Zippy P.
Zubaz: Zippy P. That is my new nickname.
Zubaz: Look, kid, you got a question? I got things to do.
bunchojunk: Really? Like what?
Zubaz: I gotta get over to OTB and put some money on a horse.
Zubaz: I said "I gotta get over to OTB and put some money on a horse."
bunchojunk: What does that mean? Oh, wait, is that slang for "I have to pee?"
Zubaz: Look, never mind that. What questions do you have?
bunchojunk: Okay, Zippy P., how did Zubaz pants, like you, come into existence?
Zubaz: Well, it was 1991. Dan Stock and Bob Truax owned a weightlifting gym. They wanted to design a pair of pants that would be comfortable for bodybuilders. Next thing you know; Bada bing, bada bang, bada boo; I was created.
bunchojunk (scribbling on notepaper): Wait, I missed part of that.
Zubaz: What part?
bunchojunk : I think you said "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo."
Zubaz: No, that was "Bada bing."
bunchojunk : No, I got that part.
Zubaz: Bada bang? Bada boo? What was it?
bunchojunk : Are you sure you didn't say "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo?"
bunchojunk : Positive?
Zubaz: Yeah. Anyway, they wanted pants for bodybuilders-
bunchojunk : That was it. Bodybuilders. I thought you said "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo." Anyway, what was it like when the pants became a big hit? Was that cool?
Zubaz: Yeah, it was good, and bad. It was nice to be so popular and all that. But, truth is, EVERY ATHELETE WAS WEARING ME! That was a bad thing.
bunchojunk : Why?
Zubaz: Would you want to be worn by William Perry?
bunchojunk : Hmmmm, with or without underwear?
Zubaz: Uh, with.
bunchojunk : Hot day? Or a cold day?
Zubaz: Either one.
bunchojunk : Does he have keys in his pocket?
Zubaz: No, but he spills things on you.
bunchojunk : Hmmm. I would have to say no.
Zubaz: See what I mean. After Zubaz became a big success, every sports team needed one with their logo on it.
bunchojunk : I understand that in 1993 the pants were available in 64,003 different colors.
Zubaz: Could be. But, you probably just made that up.
bunchojunk : Yeah, I did. What was your favorite color?
Zubaz: I was big fan of the Laker's purple and yellow.
bunchojunk : Cool. Any final words for my readers?
Zubaz: Keep your feet on the ground, keep a song in your heart, and keep extra batteries around for the smoke detector. That saves lives.
bunchojunk : Thank you. You were great. I really-
Zubaz: Ahhhh, get outta here kid. You bother me.